I have a group of friends I like to hang out with on discord nearly every evening. We have known each other for over a decade now and even if someone moved away, they'll still be online regularly.

There is one person, let's call him Joe, who we have also already known for quite some time. He is a friend’s friend who would show up for a few days, chat and play with us and then vanish for several months. He has always been an odd guy and kind of a compulsory liar. Due to his sparsely visits I never had much of a problem with him, even considered him as kind of a friend. This changed when he got dumped by his girlfriend and started to appear daily on our discord server. Over time I realized how annoying Joe is to a point where I started to despise him. Examples:

  • He is borderline Nazi: He listens to music where Germans are unironically called “born to win” and often blurts out weird Nazi quotes, which he finds funny for whatever reason.
  • He is a compulsory liar: On points where others would back down, he doubles down instead. He rarely reveals his sources. Once a friend found out he quoted a Wikipedia article while purposely skipping over parts that didn’t fit his narrative. When confronted he changed his reasons and even claimed someone must have edited the page while he was reading it.
  • He doesn’t shut up: He just talks in order to talk. He regularly joins in on discussions of shows he hasn’t seen and just babbles nonsense as soon as there isn’t a constant discussion. he also doesn't have any interest to watch the same shows as we do, so we would at least have a base to talk about.
  • He looks down on others: He would often act very surprised about people knowing something pretty ordinary, like when someone knows a quite famous historical person (like Churchill) and also acts with complete bewilderment when somebody talks about success at their jobs - while being unemployed.

I am currently at the point of no return. My hatred for him grew way too much to even go back to how things were before. I feel like I can’t have an open conversation, play a game or just have fun with my friends when he is around. I started to avoid discord channels where he is, but due to the small group channels end up being merged sooner or later. I started to mute him, but even if I don’t hear him, he often derails discussions with the others anyway.

I’ve spoken to most of my friends and nobody really likes him. There are a few who don’t want to just cut him loose completely, most of them argue that he seems to have very few friends. I don’t like to take so ‘drastic’ steps, but he slowly tears my friend group apart:

  • He often joins discord first. Many people (including me) will not join the discord server when he sits there alone.
  • People are often having loud and pointless discussions with him, tilting everyone.
  • People leave early or don’t discuss interesting things, because he will join in and sabotage the discussion.

I’ve already created a different discord server. I officially told everyone it is for our online D&D session, but it became clear very quickly this server is to hide from him. A few of those who argued in favour of Joe refuse to join, further splitting our group.

I don’t know if this is a question that can be answered, but I can’t seem to find a solution even after pondering for months.

How can I remove Joe from the group without alienating those who support him?

  • 1
    Related? 1. 2. -- Helpful? 3. 4.
    – OldPadawan
    Commented May 9, 2022 at 6:54
  • Is this your discord group? To what extent do you control/manage it? How exclusive?
    – Jesse
    Commented May 25, 2022 at 5:57
  • 1
    Is Joe aware that his behavior is annoying a large part of the group? Have you dscussed this with him?
    – Erik
    Commented May 30, 2022 at 18:32
  • 1
    The discord server is hosted by a fried, who allies with Joe. I have decided to communicate with Joe that I have a problem with him. He now asks the others regularly if I stopped being hysteric. As far as I am aware they told him, that I am not hysteric and many others feel similarly, but he seemingly just ignored that.
    – Azzarrel
    Commented Jun 15, 2022 at 8:10


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