I am working in an IT company as project manager. I have met this girl who is a software engineer in a different team. We have known each other for one year now.

She likes to talk to me. She calls me at least 6 times every day and we talk for 2–3 hours a day. She also WhatsApps me daily. She tells me that some of her friends say that we are in love and we both laugh at such comments. She discusses almost everything about her to me and I do the same.

But she does not like us meeting each other. She ignored my invitation to have tea together on campus two times and after that I never dared asking again.

I like her and have a crush on her, but I am finding it hard to understand whether she has a crush on me or not. If I ask her directly and she does not have such feelings it may affect our friendship, which I do not want to happen.

Under normal circumstances I could take it as a crush on me and ask her out, but her reluctance to meet me is making it difficult to understand her.

Is there a way to interact with her so that I can understand whether she has a crush on me without directly asking, in order to keep her as a friend without offending her if she does not have a crush on me?

  • 7
    Having a crush on someone is not the same as being attracted to them and wanting a relationship with them. Also a full grown employed adult is not a girl. Commented Jun 21, 2022 at 3:54
  • 2
    Any idea why she ignored your invitation for tea?
    – puck
    Commented Jun 21, 2022 at 10:40
  • 5
    I asked her if we can have tea in the canteen (which is in the same campus) if she is free .But she told she got some urgent work. Again I asked her after 2 weeks. But she told she got some urgent work. Both of her statements were not true because on the same days,we had talked for hours in phone
    – Jishnu S
    Commented Jun 22, 2022 at 10:30
  • 2
    Could be that she wants to meet but at a place where coworkers wont see you guys together. Since it can be sensitive with a relationship working for the same company. I met my partner at work and we kept it a secret for the first few months to make sure this is something serious before letting anyone know at the company.
    – novafluff
    Commented Jun 23, 2022 at 8:13
  • 3
    In your description, you're always available for her, but I don't read that she has ever been there for you. I just see the typical friendzoned situation, where one side uses the other when boredom arises. A crush exists when she follows your invitation or talking, when she cares for you. Please describe us whether she has done something for you.
    – Santiago
    Commented Jun 24, 2022 at 13:58

2 Answers 2


You have got to be bold and ask her out on a date. You have already asked her out in a friendly, platonic type of way, to which she didn't respond. A lot of times women don't like men who are vague about their intentions. A lot of times women prefer men to be more bold and direct about their interests towards them. The sooner you find out how she really feels, the sooner you can actually move closer to possibly having a relationship with her. By your own admission you're afraid of rejection and don't want to scare her off, which is understandable. However, you're not getting the kind of relationship you're seeking. It's time for you to man up and put yourself out there. I can promise you this... you're going to have more regret in the long run if you don't actually try, then if you try and she rejects you. You don't need to make a big deal out of it. I think asking her in person is best because it shows you have a certain level of confidence, but texting her is totally appropriate nowadays. Just tell her you would like the opportunity to get to know her better and take her out on a date sometime.


Someone is interested on you when she follows you. Which means small things like laughing to your jokes, follow you while walking, answer your messages, accept your invitations, offer you help, etc. Summary, when she cares about you.
Based in your description and comments, she has never shown any interest on you. So probably, she does not have a crush on you. Actually, even between friends people shows care. I guess she's rejecting your invitations because she is not interested on you, and she already knows that you have a crush on her. So, you need to test whether she follows you, these are some things I have done in the past.

  1. I tell her that I'm going to cook something, I invite her to eat or to help cooking (she knows I pretty bad cooking). If she accepts to come to help cooking, she is more interested.
  2. Check how fast she answer your written messages when you initiate the talk. While more interested, faster she answer.
  3. I invite her for help to buy stuff for me (I hate buying things). Actually, I remember once, I knew a woman had a crush on me. We went to the mall, once there we were waiting the elevator. Since the elevator was slow I said "I'll use the stairs", she followed me instead of waiting alone the elevator.
  4. You can check whether she cares about your health. In a cold day I say "my hands are cold, look"... If the touchs my hand, she is following.

As you can see, the invitations are for things you're going to do alone. Things that even a friend would accept. If she fails in things like that, she probably is not even your friend.

  • 1
    There is only one way to find out. Unfortunately, every woman has their own ways of showing love or intimacy. There is really no way for you to know unless you ask her boldly. Some might just want to be nice to you while others are in love with you. Based on your discription, it is really hard for you or me to guess it correctly. Commented Jul 12, 2022 at 14:37
  • 2
    So you try and analyse every action she makes in the context of "is she interested in me or not"? That's rather creepy, actually. Can't you just regard women as - well - people?
    – RedSonja
    Commented Aug 3, 2022 at 9:05

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