How to decline a request to say "God rest her soul" when mentioning my grandmother to my religious dad?

Question

My dad is a Christian. I asked him a question about his dead mother, and after replying, he asked me:

I loved my mother very much. She was a good person. Please, whenever you remember your grandmother, say "God rest her soul".

My dad is well aware that I am an atheist. For me pretending that god exists would be dishonest, so it is out of question. If I was talking to someone else, I'd probably say something like:

I, too, loved grandmother a lot and remember her fondly. I can't use the exact wording you suggested though, because I'm not religious.

The problem is that my dad is a highly manipulative person. He is currently in the middle of an argument with me where he's trying to prove that my political views are inspired by Satan. There is no such rule in our culture that you have to say a specific phrase whenever you mention a dead person, AFAICT this is just something my dad came up with. It is likely that he deliberately made this request, despite knowing that I'm an atheist, to put me in an awkward position. If I acquiesced, he'd likely use it at some later point as a proof of my dishonesty. Ignoring it also seems rude.

I need to find a manipulation-proof way to decline my father's request:

• (first priority) without coming off as mean or insensitive;
• without giving him an opening to start a religious argument.

How do I tell my father I won't be honoring his request because I am not religious, without coming off as mean or insensitive, and without giving an opening to start a religious argument?

Answer 1

I have learned (the hard way) that just saying "NO" is not a good strategy. The better way is to offer something in exchange.

In your case, the dialogue can be something like this:

(dad) Please say the words "God rest her soul!"

(you) I prefer to say "May she rest in peace!"

Of course, you can adapt the words to your exact POV.

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I do this relatively often when interacting with my mother. Example:

(mom) Please eat eggs often, because they have iron.

(me) You do not need to worry. I get a lot of iron from beetroots and blueberries. I also occasionally eat liver, which is also rich in iron.

She accepts my explanation, knowing that I actually do that and that my alternative also reaches the same purpose.