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Context: I am a 17 year old boy, currently in grade 10. I also go to extra coaching classes after school for Mathematics.

Here's the problem: I don't feel good in the coaching centre that I go to. This is because the teacher over there constantly passes comments on me in my absence, as well as when I am present in the class. He also talks about my parents in a very disrespectful way. This all is affecting my mental health and I want to stop going to the coaching. But my parents are forcing me to attend it anyhow.

I told them about my problem, but they say that whatever the teacher does or says is for your good! They just console me and tell me to focus on my studies. But, not only am I not able to focus on studies, but this all is affecting me in a negative way. My term end examinations are appearing in a month. So, I reluctantly have to go the coaching. But I want to leave the coaching now.

Edit 1: Basically, I told my parents directly as well as indirectly about my condition many times. I told them that the teacher is making me feel uncomfortable, and also jokingly passes comments on me during the class which just distract my mind and I can't focus on what he is teaching. But they didn't understand my point, and told me that he was actually just joking. Then when I told them about how what happens in my absence, they consoled me and told to forget and not think much about it. I even told them indirectly; relating my situation to a suicide case of a girl of my age that took place in my city, recently. But this didn't work either.

Edit 2: A friend of mine, who is a maths expert - he has prepared for Mathematics Olympiad, and did remarkably well in it - says that he'll be helping me with my maths preparation. And I trust him since we have been friends for many years, and above all he is one of the best mathematics students of our city. I was not getting good grades before, and that's why I was sent to coaching.

Edit 3: based on @virolino's comment

I agree that my parents were right to send me to the coaching initially as my grades were poor. But, for me, at the moment the situation is more regarding the concern for my mental health, and not about the grades. As far my parents are concerned, they know that I almost escaped depression some time ago due to other mental health problems. This one adds into that list. My parents are very much concerned about me getting good grades in the examination and that's what is making them neglect the severity of my mental health.

How can I convince my parents to make me quit the coaching, and tell them that I can score good grades by self studying?

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  • By "middle school", do you mean high school? Jan 26, 2023 at 16:56
  • You say you told your parents about your problem, it would be helpful to edit this question to include a bit more about how you told them. Also, do you have hard evidence your grades will remain good through self-studying, like good grades from before the coaching started? Why were you sent to coaching if you were getting good grades already? Are there any other coaching centers you could go to, or different instructors ar that center, have you suggested such a thing already?
    – Tinkeringbell
    Jan 26, 2023 at 17:02
  • @Tinkeringbell I've made the required edits.
    – AbVk1718
    Jan 27, 2023 at 4:23
  • @BentleyCarpenter I mean junior high school.
    – AbVk1718
    Jan 27, 2023 at 4:27
  • @AbVk1718: Tinkeringbell wrote a very good comment, also asking several questions. Although you edited the answer and added more information, you did not answer all questions. Without those answers, your question cannot have an answer. Right now, you are just contradicting yourself. Because you could not self-study good enough, you were sent to coaching. You now want to cancel coaching because you can be successful by self-study. My short conclusion based on what you wrote until now: your parents are more right than you are. Please prove me wrong by adding the info requested by Tinkeringbell.
    – virolino
    Jan 27, 2023 at 7:14

1 Answer 1

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During the later years of school before university, I kind of did not pay much attention to learning. My parents were not really aware of what was going on, but they had glimpses - and they were not happy.

To be honest, I was not happy either, because I was aware that I wanted to attend a good university, and the exam was not really a joke, so I had to improve fast and good. Fortunately, we did not get to the point that my parents would force me to attend coaching, and I helped before that happened.

During the last summer before the exam for university I put together all the relevant school books (especially Math and Physics), and went through them in order, from the first page of the first book to the last page of the last book. I studied everything that was written there until I understood everything, an then solved all the proposed exercises. During the next school year I was one of the best students in class.

I was not surprised, but shocked when I realized that I fixed 3 years of ignorance in about a few weeks of self-study - without doing "long-hours" or stressing myself beyond comfort.

How can I convince my parents to make me quit the coaching, and tell them that I can score good grades by self studying?

and

A friend of mine, who is a maths expert [...] says that he'll be helping me with my maths preparation.

If you want to improve, it is great. If someone with good knowledge and good communication skills wants to help, it is even better.

So the final answer for you could be: start studying by yourself, improve your grades, and then coaching will be obviously redundant. Once that happens, show your parents your new grades, and I am sure they will be happy to save some money.

Note: please be aware that this solution does NOT cancel your coaching. It just changes the coach to yourself (and potentially / additionally to any other person willing to support you with knowledge).


The other side of the discussion is:

  • you pretend you can improve your grades by yourself;
  • your parents agree blindly to cancel your coaching;
  • your grades would not actually improve - (serious) trouble for your future life.

That is why fighting the parents is not the good battle in this case (IMHO). The good battle is to improve what needs to be improved - your grades, by better study.

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