How do I convince my neighbors to not bring dogs in public space without a significant negative effect?

Question

We recently moved into a new community. There is a small community park just outside our homes and a larger park with rides, swings and slides a few hundred feet away. This community doesn't allow any pets unless they are emotional support animals and requires them to be on a leash when outdoors.

There are a lot of people who keep dogs and let them run around the parks. I see dog droppings in the park often. Me and my children are afraid of dogs and consider them dangerous and dirty. I have thought about several ways to proceed but none without significant disadvantages.

I can talk to my closest neighbors and ask them to always keep their dogs indoors or on leash. But I know it would be very cruel to those animals. They seem to be very happy running around. Some dog owners' kids play with them and seem to be very enjoying. This would also create an exclusion between my kids playing in the park and the dogs and their owner's kids playing in the park, that I don't want. I want my kids to be friends with the neighbors kids, not looking out of the window waiting for their turn to play.

I can press on the administration to enforce their rules about pets on leash and being only ESAs. I see that pets are an integral part of many households here. I am very much afraid the owners would be left with strong negative feelings about my complaints. I may be able to live in a passive aggressive environment but I don't want my kids being perceived as intruders (who don't let them have nice pets) by neighboring kids.

I can keep a pocket knife or a pepper spray with me and my kids. We may feel a bit more secure about dogs running around, at least initially, but I think there would be a very undesirable incident very soon. Again, I may be able to bear it but I don't want my kids to experience the trauma from any such incident.

How can I convince my neighbors to not keep pets except truly designated emotional support animals and keep them on leash in public spaces, without any significant negative side effects?

Answer 1

I'm dog-friendly dog-lover old chap, but as much as I love to see a well-educated dog, I can fully understand people who fear them, and bad behaviours inducted by poor owners.

Is there anything you can do without annoying the neighborhood? If you think about enforcing the law and/or asking the community or condo/neighborhood board of owners/users, forget about it. You'll get nowhere past a few disapproving stares (at best) and some vehement rejection (or worse). You're one against a full bunch of people who enjoy what they're doing. They'll probably win and you'll be blacklisted.

Is there something different you can do without annoying the neighborhood? I think so. I've had to deal with family members or acquaintances whose fear of dogs was out of this world. This, you can't easily wipe it out. And it would require time you and they don't have. What you could do, is explain your fears and count on their parental sense of responsability. They have kids, as you do. They can understand what you both feel. They would also protect their kids and help them overcome their fears. You ask for their help as a community and as parents, you don't start and fight them with rules to enforce. You don't ask them not to do, which is usually the best way to upset the whole neighborhood. You ask them for help.

Starting this way, you'll not make any ennemy. In my case, what I've done was to set up some "dog-free" areas and time. So that the dogs would still be free to do things, walk, run and train. And, at the same time, they would do it far from the scared persons. It was either dog-time (20%) or human-being-time (80%). And that's what I'll recommend here. First, talk to a couple of parents. Explain the problem, focusing on your kids. Don't say what you think of dogs (consider them dangerous and dirty), don't blame the owners or the dogs, unless you want to ruin every future move. Say what you'd love to be able to do: share space and time. And carefully explain why: my kids and I are scared and I need to help them. I need to figure out a way to walk down the park with them feeling safe. How could we achieve that? Could you eventually help?

It has to look like small talk with neighbours. Then let the word spread around (because dog owners often talk when they meet, and any dog-related topic will rise) and wait a little to see if there's any improvement.

Work around a solution that involves a small area that would be dog-free at specific times, or a schedule where dogs would have to be under leash. Like: every day, from 05:00 PM to 06:00 PM : no dogs in the upper left corner of the park. Or dogs can be unleashed only after 08:00 PM. Anything that would give each side some freedom and safety. I'm still doing that when I want to "break the rules" in our park. I go when no one's around but other dog owners who walk or train their dog. Never do that with kids around. Never do that when people you don't know picnic. Respect goes both ways, but they'll never understand or have a chance to help/comply if you don't communicate with them. Be as diplomatic as possible when you explain your needs, and why you'd like to share time and space.

If there's a board of neighbours, with a monthly/quarterly meeting, it would be good to take the opportunity to explain. No accusatory tone.

From your comments, it seems like you don't know how to approach some dog owners and need a conversation trigger. I would just stop by two/three of them sitting on a bench and/or talking while watching the kids/dogs play, and ask a simple question like: "Hi folks, I see that some kids and free dogs are playing around. My children and I are really afraid of dogs, do you know of any place around this park/neighborhood where we could go? Is this place always crowded with dogs running freely? Any better time to walk around here? We're new here so we're kind of lost."

You don't blame them for their dogs or attitude. You give them an information about your family and ask for help/information. And you'll have to adjust your words to their answer, you're walking on eggs and don't want to upset a whole bunch of people.

Answer 2

There are two problems: Dog mess and fear of dogs.

Everyone hates dog mess, including most dog owners. The good news is that everyone hates it and you don’t have to do anything. Others will. Imagine you see a dog doing his business. You say to the owner “you should pick this up”. They say “I forgot to bring a poo bag”. You know they are lying, and they know you know they are lying, and don’t care. Nothing you can do without a major confrontation. As a dog owner, I always carried spare poo bags. So I tell them “looks like you forgot your poo bag, but I’ve got one for you”. Now it is 100 times more difficult for them to refuse to pick it up without being obviously and very blatantly rude. So lots of people are in a much better position than you to solve this problem for you.

The other thing is fear of dogs. Trying to force your opinion on others will make you unpopular, succeeding will make you more unpopular. The best thing to do is to learn about dogs.

There’s a small number that you shouldn’t get to close too. For example, a Chow Chow is fiercely protective of their family. Stay away, they are fine. Look like a threat to their family, they will defend their family.

But most dogs, if you run away, it’s a game to them. Throw a ball, they bark and go after it. You run away, same thing. So you need training against the phobia so you don’t run away, and they will be fine. Now phobias are hard. That can need a professional to help. Or you can talk to the owner of some small to medium size dog, and let them introduce you to the dog. 95% of dog owners will only be too happy to help (wear old clothing that you don’t mind getting dirty).

There are three dogs where I found that kind of introduction necessary. Two white boxers, over four stone (30kg) each. They know me, they run towards me to play, they get a big hug, and they are good as gold. And the other is an English bulldog, over 20kg, and slobbering. A phobia would make that problematic. And remember that if you do something against the phobia, that will help you for life.

Dogs that you should fear are very very rare. And you would observe other people avoiding them if there are any. Still, avoid them, don’t run away.

PS. Bringing a knife or pepper spray is a very bad idea. In the very unlikely case that you run into a dangerous dog, these will not stop him, they will make him angry. And you don’t want an angry dangerous dog. In addition it will make the dog owner very angry, and if they call the police instead of taking direct action, you are in trouble.