The introduction of this book claims:
What makes intimacy work? Some say it is the strength of your dream, the strength of your commitment to love itself. Others say it’s a matter of luck, the good fortune of finding that most excellent fit. Others say you must have passion or sharing or mutual interests or common values.
After exploring hundreds of relationships, we’ve concluded that the people who make intimacy work have certain skills. That’s why we’ve called this book Couple Skills. In case after case, relationships that endure and deepen are formed by couples who know and practice basic interpersonal skills: listening, clear communication, negotiation, handling anger appropriately, and so on.
So basically, that textbook denies these items:
- Strength of dream
- Strength of commitment
- A matter of luck
- The good fortune of finding the most excellent fits around you
- Mutual interests
- Common values
Instead, they mention that the people who make interpersonal relationships work, have certain skills, like:
- Basic skills of listening, expressing feelings and scripting needs, and reciprocal reinforcement.
- Advanced skills in clean communication, cognitive distortions, negotiation, and problem-solving.
- Skills of anger and conflict management.
- Skills of identifying schemas, negative pictures, oping with your defenses, and cyclic patterns of conflicts.
Can we still make our interpersonal relationships work with just certain skills? The assertion that a skill set is the solution to everything in interpersonal relationships, is it a myth or is it a reality? Things like mutual interests and common values, are they just irrelevant? That textbook assertion, is it just to sell the book or does it have roots in reality?
Let's not just consider only the couple's relationship, but more general relationships with everybody around you. Like workplace and so on.