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She has been my best friend for several months, and I have been hers at the same time. Both are sure that she and I are the only bestie to each other, loving each other deeply. This friendship is an honest and strong one. She is the cleverest student in our school, and I'm not so clever as her, but usually get high marks, so both are well known. Both have many same interests, especially maths, and when we train for maths contest, we study together. This is a very close friendship, calling almost every time, being close to each other, and many other things.

There have been many problems between she and I, and some are really big ones, those were hard times, but we could overcome those.

However, last Thursday, during class, after the teacher had given the assignments, I didn't get one fast, while another guy beside me had started working, so I impatiently said:

"Don't choose your favorite papers, just give me fast"

This upset her, and her eyes became teary. The reason she did what she did was because she was choosing a clean one for me. I didn't know this, and couldn't say sorry after.

Then the night before that, I unconsciously said a bad word to her, and she kept that in mind.

I have apologized in all possible ways, by phoning, on meeting, on texts, voice messages, but all are being ignored ignored.

She is the very first girl I've ever cried for, and I never want to lose her.

How can I make her come back to me? Is there anything I can say or do to help her come back?

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    How old are you both? – gerrit Sep 1 '17 at 17:41
  • Regarding the assignments, did she have to choose a paper for you two, or how was she involved in this? – Anne Daunted Sep 1 '17 at 17:42
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    15. Matriculation students in our country. – Steve Lin Sep 1 '17 at 17:42
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    How did you apologize? You write "in all possible ways", which may be part of the problem. It could have created the impression, that you didn't really mean it, but just wanted to restore the previous state of affairs. Did you make clear, that you understood, what you had done wrong, that you learned from the experience and would try to better yourself, and that you feel sorry for hurting her feelings? – Anne Daunted Sep 1 '17 at 17:51
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    May I edit "bestie" as "best friend"? Being a gamer, I cannot help but imagine bestie as "beast". – Vylix Sep 1 '17 at 20:58
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It is hard to understand how much you are phoning, texting etc. It is possible that you could be pushing too hard and that alone can cause someone to not respond. People do not want to feel pressured.

Make sure that in trying to mend things that you respect her right to be upset. It may make her want some time to feel ready to talk to you about it. No one has to immediately be ready to get past something if they were wronged. They do have the right to take some time to think about things or not interact with you if they still feel upset about it. If that is how they are feeling, it will make things worse if you try to force them to accept your apology and move on faster than they feel ready.

You could try telling her

I am sorry for the way I acted. I feel very badly about that. I have been trying to apologize as I know that is my fault and you did not deserve it. Then I think I made things worse by trying so hard to fix things that maybe I have been crowding you when you needed me to give you some space. I will give you space and hope that after some time you will see I am sincere and that we can try to mend things.

And then, you really have to be patient and give space. Pushing someone to forgive you is offensive all by itself. I know it can hard, especially when you are young and this person means a lot to you. It is an important skill in life though on learning how to respect the boundaries of the people you love. Your desire to mend things cannot supersede their desire to take some time away.

  • I have tried telling those. She only neglects me about the friendship case, but acts still friendly about studies. Whenever I tell her to check my messages, or listen to me, she ignores me and leaves me. I have never encountered such problem as ever. – Steve Lin Sep 2 '17 at 15:05
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I know this is a rough thing to deal with but if you apologize (and what you're apologizing isn't hard to forgive like betrayal) and the person won't accept it then there really is nothing else you can do.

In my opinion, a person who won't accept an apology for a minor slight is being manipulative and probably really isn't that good of a friend in reality anyway.

Just let it go and give it time. If she wants to be your friend again, she'll let you know. If she doesn't and can't forgive you, you're much better off. Truly.

  • But losing her is the worst thing I can ever dream of. I want to be with her as always. – Steve Lin Sep 1 '17 at 17:48
  • I know you hate to hear this, but you're young. I promise you that there are far worse things that you'll experience in your life than losing your best friend. What I'm trying to tell you though is that if she won't accept your apologies, if she won't forgive you, you deserve better friends. Respect yourself enough to find friends who would forgive you while you work on your own issues with saying the wrong things. – Chris E Sep 1 '17 at 19:28
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Don't do nothing. Waiting is the worst you could do. People grow apart as time pass.

Try asking her if she wants you out of her life definitely for such thing. She'll hopefully give a straight answer and might ask for time to think or else. Then you'll be fixed. There'll be nothing you can do if she refuses your excuse through.

Personnal comment : You're better off someone who does'nt appreciate the effort you are putting on reflecting on yourself and your mistakes.

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