How to behave at a work organized drinking event as a non drinker?

Question

I work in a medium sized company (~150 people) and every year they have this drink off event in conjunction with one of the local fairs. This means they basicly all get together and drink wine and do ... I don't know actually, this week is the first time I'll be attending. According to senior management, my absence so far has been negatively noted, so I'm going to go this time.

I know alcohol consumption isn't mandatory there so I can get away with not drinking, but I wonder how can I avoid the feeling of being the last sane person in a crowd of progressively more drunk coworkers.

I also wonder what I'm supposed to actually do at these work events. I usually never go to social work gatherings, and I very rarely meet any coworkers outside work. In general, I'm an introverted person and social interaction is very draining to me, so I don't have that much experience either way.

How do I get through this evening without making a negative impression?

Answer 1

Just some hints.

• Chat with an old-timer to get stories of past events. This should give you a rough idea what to expect.
• Volunteer to help with organising, especially during the event. This will give you an inside perspective and hopefully a role to fill during. Back-up plan is to appoint yourself event photographer; carrying a semi-serious camera should do the trick.
• Find yourself a soul mate colleague with the same problem and chat about anything (even work related will do, this person will be in equally deep).
• Grab an alcohol-free beer or red grape juice. This makes abstinence less obvious.

And if all else fails:

• Plaster a smile on your face, stay off your mobile phone, endure, leave early (hopefully before the worst of inebriated humour emerges).
• Buy a fidget cube for in your pocket.
  [edit]Jacket pocket as you want to avoid that Mae West quote. (No, not the one about the fish)[/edit]
• Totally stuff yourself at the buffet.

Good luck! (The fun seems to be mandatory)

Answer 2

I've done this plenty of times and no one will care that you're not drinking.

Not everyone gets completely trashed at these things, so you'll be able to find some conversation somewhere.

If people ask about you not drinking just say

Sorry I don't drink

Or

I'm driving

Or

I'm the photographer, smile..!

Or

I'm on antibiotics

(make up a lurid illness if you want to divert the conversation)

Mainly though, people won't care and will reason that you not drinking will allow others to soak up more of the bar bill and thank you for letting them do that.

As Bookeater says, take some photos as a self-appointed photographer - it's a great way of mingling and meeting people. You're quite likely to get to know people this way and maybe make some new friends.

Answer 3

Depending on what type of personality you are, the following may work for you, it certainly does work for me.

I prefer to be honest. I participate in parties of this kind, but I make it clear to people around that I decided not to drink (no excuses). I usually leave when people start to be drunk to the extent that they do not realize it, but they behave like pure idiots. I usually leave silently, because anyway, nobody cares about specific people any more as everyone is drunk.

One can get around this by finding someone who does not drink that much and is fine to chat with, and spend time with them; depending of the size of the company/department you should be able to find such people, maybe even before the party in daily office situations.

This approach may still give you the badge of a "boring moron" by some, but if you value honesty and present yourself in honesty, I'm quite sure some people will value your approach anyway. And you don't know how many other people feel it similarly to you and maybe next time, they also won't drink (or won't drink that much) and enjoy the company of each other. At least this is my experience.

Answer 4

Do they call it a 'drink off', or is that your label? Drink off implies an event that is heavily focused on alcohol, with participants competing to drink more than each other. While that may describe this event, in my experience work events like this are more commonly about hanging out with colleagues while also having a drink. If there's a free bar there will always be some people who will want to take advantage of it, but hopefully most people are more interested in the conversation and the alcohol will be less important (at least at the start of the event).

Typically these events are about team building. Have you ever avoided asking a work question because you didn't know who the right person to ask was, or because you'd never spoken to them before? These events give you a chance to talk to your colleagues about something that isn't work. The hope is that you'll then find it easier to speak to them when you're back in the office.

My advice is to turn up at the start of the event and do your best to make conversation with the people who are there. Maybe ask a colleague you are friendly with to meet you before the event so you can arrive together so you'll have at least one friendly face to speak to. It's fine for you to leave early, as people are getting more affected by the alcohol.

Answer 5

How do I get through this social event without alcohol?

For most people, the answer to this question is alcohol. But the point isn't actually the alcohol. Most people believe they need alcohol to relax, but this seems to be a conditioned response. If people are told they're drinking alcohol they will behave tipsy. Regardless of whether they are or not.

It's also worth noting that in subcultures where people don't drink, like Mormons in the USA, people are often unexpectedly lively at parties. Because they don't require alcohol to allow themselves to behave that way. Whether you behave more or less friendly or freely is a choice, one you can force yourself to make.

Perhaps the reality is that for most people alcohol is a party placebo. Many assume adulthood requires strict control of one's inhibitions. It's not acceptable to be playful, which we associate with being childish - even though such a state is usually benign and importantly joyful. Basically, alcohol is used by most people as an excuse to be free and have fun in an otherwise tightly regulated social environment.

Most people won't care if you are drinking or not. The point is having an opportunity to socialise. Your seniors are not unhappy about your absence because you don't drink. It's because they want to get to know you better, so you can feel less awkward around each other at work.

If you repeatedly refuse to show they'll feel upset, because that implies you don't care about them. Whether you do or not is besides the point, it's polite to make an effort.

I don't drink. If there's a social event (and alcohol is always part of it) I will go early, stay for a few hours, do the rounds. By which I mean make an effort to say hello to everyone and ask them about non-work things, then leave before it gets too late and they get too drunk. The more people you chat with, the more likely you are to find someone you can really enjoy chatting with.

How are you to behave? Just be friendly. Say hello to as many people as possible and ask them questions. That'll leave a good impression. You might even have a laugh, have a really interesting conversation with a colleague, or bump into an attractive person from another department. Maybe they'll be a shy introvert as well!

I too find many social gatherings draining, and enjoy a considerable amount of alone time. But the bottom line is this: you are at a social event to be social. I have to force myself to be social sometimes, I don't find it natural. But like anything else, you'll get better with practice. It's only for a few hours. The experience is what you make it.

Answer 6

Go to the event and do "drink." Just not alcohol.

Another poster suggested alcohol free beer or grape juice that looks like wine. My drink of choice was coca-cola. If pressed, I would ask for just a "splash" of rum so I could claim that it was "rum and coke." All the "re-fills" were just coke.

Basically, you need to be "seen" at these events. Preferably with a "glass" in hand. What the actual contents are is up to you. The issue is one of "face time."

As for the "contents" of the discussions, don't sweat it. People are there to "drink," not to talk, and will probably have forgotten what they talked about in a day or two.

Answer 7

I have to wonder if the stumbling block here is not as much about forced socializing as it is about this being a drinking event of sorts?

I find it hard enough to socialize "on demand" but being coerced into doing that with a bunch of drunk people (if I am not imbibing) is tough indeed.

However, since you "must" go, it might help to expand on exactly what kind of fair this is. For example, if this is Oktoberfest (or a similar German style fall/beer festival), there are LOADS of things to do aside from drinking non-stop. In that case I'd just start approaching people who maybe look a little bored, or anyone you have some existing work relationship with, and say "hey let's go check out the rides" or similar. If it's a more traditional American fair, again, there is usually something to see/do if you are walking around instead of parked at a table. This is the up-side of your situation - this isn't a private party where you are stuck in a smaller venue with limited activities on hand.

The most important thing is that you should definitely find the manager who is complaining that you aren't attending these events and make your appearance. Chat them up a bit, then go do your thing.

Answer 8

Before anything else, it would help to say what country is this, is it a "relaxed" or very "strict/domineering" company, what industry sector, and where are you in the company?

Turning to the question itself, my immediate reaction is that when you say it was "negatively noticed by senior management", that's a statement that could mean many things. You might not be interpreting it as its meant, or need to check, because you could be worrying over nothing.

• it could mean they want to encourage people to join in, and people noticed your absence ("where's John anyhow?"), but someone else is saying this was noticed negatively where it was just an observation and not meant negatively.

• it was a statement of disappointment but not negative as in being perceived as doing anything wrong.

• it was something they want but nobody ever meant it was to be taken as impacting your career not to. ("Gentle social pressure")

Before you assume or worry about anything, you need to just ask. A way to do this might be to ask, "is not going, going to be a breach of policy or a black mark on my career? I really don't want to, unless it's mandatory and a breach of my employment not to"

By asking it in such strong, direct terms, you achieve three things.

• First, you are much more likely to be told it isn't. Once they say that, then however much pressure there may be, and whatever else they say, you basically have permission to say "thank you but in that case I'd rather not. Its not my scene".

• Second, they will immediately appreciate how it's a real stress for you, and not to joke or exaggerate, and to take anything you say about it as a real feeling, not to brush off or dismiss, or think "It'll be good for him and the team, let's nudge them to go, I'm sure they will love it when they get there".

• Third, because of these, you are in fact very likely to get understanding and agreement not to go.

How to set up such a meeting? Say that "something is disturbing you, could you come to see them and have a formal meeting. It should be quick." Again, most companies you could easily knock and ask for a word. But making it more formal emphasises its important and they may put their manager hat on. That will probably help. Especially in a 159 staff company.

Answer 9

Every company has these functions, and has attendees not drink because they're driving, pregnant, cultural reasons, just don't feel like it. Say, "I'm not drinking" but only if they ask. Get a seltzer or soda. Get involved in any of the activities-- I know it seems counterintuitive for the introvert/wallflower but it will keep your hands busy (and not full of beer), give you something to make small talk about, and make your presence visible. Then slip out early.

The anticipation is worse than the event. You work with these people all day, another hour or two is going to be fine.

Answer 10

Being forced to socialize for an introvert is the worst. We tend to want to keep social, personal and professional life separated so we know what to expect from each situation.

We usually hate small talk and feel very uncomfortable in situations that require letting loose because we fear it will impact how people perceive us.

We often feel like outsiders that do not fit in.

I used to be a hardcore introvert until I started my own company. Being isolated most of the time made me realize how important and crucial it is to be around people. Matter of fact, if it was not for my family, I couldn't even focus on building my startup. At the end of the day, one moment or the other, we need others.

Not everyone is nice or interesting to be around but the more I socialize the more I realize it's not that scary.

But when I really don't feel like socializing here what I do :

I set a fake call on my phone to ring in 15-30mins. Then I proceed to engage in a conversation. I let them talk about themselves and show signs of interest with minimal responses like "huh huh", "oh yeah I think I read something about that", "you said you did what? I wish I did that" etc.

With a smile and proper tone, it actually looks like you are interested in what they are saying. When my phone eventually rings, if the conversation I'm in is really draining me, I excuse myself politely "Oh my this is so embarrassing...I wish I could continue but I really need to take this... Let's catch up later."

Proceed by slowly disappearing from sight.

Few tricks I've learned

• get over myself (nobody truly cares)
• learn to accept my quirks and set boundaries
• realize everyone is awkward (especially at a fair)
• work on changing my personal paradigm (subconscious blocks, fears etc.)

Answer 11

In this instance I'd recommend reaching for the bottle. It's always appropriate in a professional work setting.

Start out on Whiskey, neat with ice and knock that stuff back as if the world is about to end. If you start to feel a little iffy from the alcohol, I'd recommend smoking the largest cigars you can get your hands on, inhale deep and often (even though cigar smoke isn't supposed to be inhaled). The cigars will take your mind off the alcohol for a short while, bonus points if you blow the smoke into the face of the person who noticed you haven't been attending work shindigs.

If you feel a little slow or sick after the alcohol and cigars, you can always try harder substances. The trick at work gatherings is to be so god awfully off the wall that you never get invited again. You should also try eating an onion and several cloves of garlic before arriving at the fair.

Seeing as though this is a fair you'll likely get brownie points with your colleagues if you release any animals in captivity, especially big cats with large teeth such as lions, tigers or cheetahs.

Failing this, simply go and chat to your colleagues. Try to get to know your more like minded colleagues a little better. Most people who drink at work gatherings do so as a light social lubricant. Most people aren't going to get smashed at a work party as it's unprofessional. Being coerced by colleagues or superiors is a little sleazy but hey, sometimes these things happen.