We live in Berwyn, IL, and commute to Chicago (well...my wife does, I work in Berwyn). I'm a transplant from Los Angeles, been here for 8 years now.

Anyway, last Monday night, my wife's ex, a guy called John* showed up at our door, he said he'd found our address through a WHOIS (my wife has her own websites), and he told us he was a cop in the NYPD and was in full uniform, said he couldn't cope on a cop's wage and was asking for a loan of $50,000 to help get his life back on track. He was very polite, told me he needed to see my wife about something.

My wife Jenny* was civil towards him, told him straight off the bat that he wasn't getting a loan, and it seemed fairly civil. I was there the whole time, decided since he was polite, and it concerned my wife, not to interfere.

Jenny told me how he explained to her that although he liked his job as a cop and was Manhattan-born and bred, he felt his cop's wage wasn't enough to live on and wanted a loan towards buying a penthouse (my wife told me this over dinner later that nite).

He left that same night.

However, he returned again this Tuesday when I was in work, and my wife told me about this.

Why would an NYPD cop come all the way to near Chicago to beg his ex-girlfriend for money, and also, why in his cop uniform as well?

I don't know what to do for the best... do I tell his employers or do I let my wife sort it out for herself; she's actually asked me for advice on what to do.

What is the appropriate response in this situation? Is there even one?

*: Names were changed in order to protect the privacy and anonimity of the people involved.

  • 11
    When you say he visited in full uniform, does that include is firearm?
    – user
    Commented Sep 7, 2017 at 10:22
  • 2
    Did he drive an official vehicle to your place?
    – apaul
    Commented Sep 7, 2017 at 10:51
  • 1
    Did you ask for identification?
    – Neil Meyer
    Commented Sep 8, 2017 at 6:41
  • 1
    @Cysolis-turima Do you have any confirmation that the ex is indeed a cop, and hasn't just put on a cop uniform in an attempt to con your wife?
    – Trebor
    Commented Jan 16, 2018 at 10:48

3 Answers 3


The first thing to do is to ask him to stop visiting. It sounds like your wife should do that, rather than you, to make it clear that she does not want him to visit either and it's not just her new partner saying it.

If he still insists on coming you (the both of you) can ask him to leave and not return. If that still doesn't work, you should call the police. The fact that he is a cop is irrelevant.

  • have you had any experiences where this has worked in the past? or any information you can provide for a situation such as this from an external source? an answer should be more than just a suggestion. A why would be a good addition to this answer. Commented Sep 7, 2017 at 10:53
  • 3
    Essentially, the fact that he is a cop is a red herring. He isn't acting in an official capacity, he is acting as an ordinary citizen. The usual procedure thus applies - make your request clearly, and then if they refuse to honour it and their behaviour may break some law (e.g. trespass, harassment) you involve the police.
    – user
    Commented Sep 7, 2017 at 12:51

It's a good idea asking for advice. I might recommend asking your local police for advice. The reason for asking your local police: The wife's ex is armed and dangerous, and his behaviour is frankly bizarre to the extreme. If someone tracks down his ex-wife, comes to her home, to ask her for a loan for FIFTY THOUSAND DOLLARS (WTF? FIFTY THOUSAND DOLLARS? ), because he thinks that as a single man he can't live on a cop's salary, that is bizarre. That is someone who may be close to a breakdown and doing something utterly stupid. And if an armed police officer does something utterly stupid, then things are dangerous for those around him.


Everything seems fishy. He is an NYPD cop, and he's coming all the way up to your wife for money in his cop uniform? It is a complicated situation. As your wife asked for your advice, ask her to tell him straightaway that he's not gonna get the loan in a polite way ( may be like, you both have plans and that you can't afford giving such loans ) and not to visit again. But it is the job of your wife to tell him indeed. But if he comes again, you might ask him to leave and not return. And if he comes again, you should probably call the police.

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