Inviting colleague from work to hang out outside office hours

Question

Background: I started a new job about two months ago in a new city. I've been getting to know people decently, I suppose. There are a couple people whose company I really enjoy, though I don't know either of them super well.

Also, I should mention that, even having just moved aside, I have no real friend groups, and I honestly can't remember the last time I spent time with someone outside of some sort of professional or school context, so I have very little "experience."

As such, work is really my only social outlet. Is it inappropriate to ask a coworker to spend time together outside of the office? The thing is, I don't drink, and I find bars unsettling to be in (to the extent that the last and only time I was in one, I had a panic attack) so asking someone to catch a drink after office work isn't an option. Honestly, I just enjoy conversation, so I'd be fine with doing just about anything (besides the aforementioned, obviously). I just have no idea how to even approach the subject matter.

Answer 1

I completely understand where you are coming from , since I am the same way. I am in a new job as well and have moved to a new city with a different culture.

Since , you have already talked to quite a few people and are getting to know them , you might know their interests as well , which is definitely something that comes up in many conversations .

For example , if your colleague Bob shares your interest in video games or bowling. You could ask him

Hey Bob ! What are your plans for the weekend ?

Bob responds with his plans

If your not doing anything on Sunday , maybe you could come over to my place and we could play some Call of Duty ? What do you say ?

or

Planning to go bowling this Sunday , since you love bowling , I would like to invite you to join me and we could grab some dinner afterwards. What say ?

or

I saw a new sports cafe open at XYZ street , would you like to check it out this weekend. I heard they have bowling too !!

This is how I would approach any of my colleagues if I wanted to ask them to hang out with me.

Answer 2

Does it have to be a co-worker? I understand wanting to be closer to your colleagues, but unless you have a common interest it can often be hard to strike up and maintain a friendship outside of the office (Especially if you are in different life situations, i.e. you are single, he/she is married with kids, etc).

You have gotten a good suggestion on how to approach a co-worker, but I would also suggest a website like meetup.com or similar. These are basically interest groups that plan get togethers. What this does, is give you an opportunity to meet people that are interested in the same things you are. You can also do the same for things you are interested in learning. One almost universal truth is that people like teaching other people more about their hobby interest.

Also, you can look for community events centered around your interests, or you can try taking a class (Either offered through the city, many have 10-12 week mini classes/sports or at a local community college) on something you'd like to learn more about. If it is work related, you can also see if you qualify for tuition assistance.

Since you also mention the panic attack, one more thing I would recommend would be Toastmasters. It is a group designed to help people become more confident leaders and public speakers. It would help for sure with being able to present at work if necessary, and might also give you more confidence in loud, noisy social situations.

Answer 3

Answering your quandary obliquely, and avoiding the creation of a situation in your workplace where you might upset or annoy colleagues, or in workplaces where there isn't much of and "after-hours" culture, you might consider finding a alternative group to connect and hang with, perhaps by joining a local volunteer group, giving of some of you free time to meet new like minded people and make new friends.