Let's say I know someone quite well but have never met their other half. I know he is a regular cheater in their relationship of 6 years but as far as I know, she has no idea.

Should I inform her on what he is doing?

As someone who has been cheated on before, I would have really wished someone told me about it. It would have saved me from a lot of pain. I wonder if more people feel like this and if I should tell her or not.

  • 6
    I think the question, as it is now, is primarily opinion based. If you would ask for advice on 'how to tell', this would be a much better question. And then, maybe, you can later make your own decision based on the advice you got, and your own feelings about it.
    – Tinkeringbell
    Sep 14 '17 at 15:09

Should you inform someone their partner is cheating on them?

No, never.

If you do tell the cheater's spouse, you might be responsible for shattering her universe, and she will never thank you.

In brief.

You do not know anything about her. You have never met her.
Do not meddle in other people's lives.
It is none of your business.


Should I expose someone who is cheating?

If you decide to expose your sister’s husband, are you ready to deal with the consequences? Typically, the only thing worse than a cheating spouse is someone who exposes a cheating spouse. Infidelity and affairs are very common (see stats about infidelity). And it is almost impossible to have an affair without someone knowing about it. But, most people keep quiet about it. When it comes to infidelity, most people believe that the best course of action is to “mind your own business.” And if you cross that line, rather than being seeing as a hero of the truth, you might be seen as a troublemaker (even by your own sister).

Should You Tell On A Cheater? I Wish Someone Had Told Me

There is an etiquette in these situations that I recommend. If you know the person being cheated on well enough, you should tell them in person, providing the details you know. Keep reminding them you are only telling them the truth because you honestly care and respect them; as sorry as you feel having to tell them, you would feel extremely sorry if their future was compromised by allowing the deception to continue.

However, the article continues...

In situations where you don't personally know the person, but have strong, first-hand knowledge, I encourage you to drop them a note, give them the details you do know. Tell them that you hope the information might explain suspicions they may already have and assure them that your only agenda is being honest. If they choose to ignore the information, at least you've done your due diligence.

  • 4
    Not only the 2 bold parts, but also : how do you know it's cheating?!. Some people I know (1 married couple, 1 life-partners) are freely and knowingly involved in a relationship where they feel free to do whatever they want outside of their relationship, including sex. It's none of my (our?) business, it's their life.
    – OldPadawan
    Sep 14 '17 at 15:33
  • 1
    @OldPadawan Why would someone in an open marriage be upset to hear that their partner was seeing someone else?
    – apaul
    Sep 14 '17 at 20:54
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    @apaul34208 : because, if they decided to do it that way, who are we to tell them?! you know, I have to tell you something that might hurt, but I feel I have to let you know... I saw Bob with another woman and they were, you know... 1. You have to explain it's a choice / way of life 2. You have to cut it right away or just let it go... either way, you have to deal with a situation that shouldn't have been brought because you shouldn't have to explain or deny: it's not of our business what and how they do it
    – OldPadawan
    Sep 15 '17 at 5:15
  • I think the initial quote and the "no, never" answer don't work together, because the rest of the answer seems to suggest you should "never tell someone you don't know", but that part is not in the initial quote. You might want to expand it a little bit so that it's more clear what you mean.
    – Erik
    Sep 15 '17 at 7:56
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    @OldPadawan true it's none of our business, but having been on the receiving end of those conversations in the past I never got upset about it. It was usually laughed off with an "I know, you probably saw them with SoAndSo, they're really good to each other." Just pointing out that assuming open couples are secretive or ashamed is the part that gets annoying in some cases.
    – apaul
    Sep 15 '17 at 10:12

Wow that sucks.

I would suggest getting in touch and asking her if she want's to hear what you have to say. Say something like, "I have some painful information about your husband that I thought you would like to know. Should I tell you or would you rather I mind my own business?" she will almost certainly say that she want's to know. We humans seem to always prefer to know more rather than less.

Giving her the option to hear it will actually prepare her to handle the bad news better than if it is just dumped on her.

Also, if you have some sort of proof it make it easier for her to accept.

  • 1
    Welcome to IPS. To help you understand why you get so many downvotes, I invite you to take the help > tour, and read how to ask / how to answer. As it's actually written, your answer doesn't explain clearly why it will help OP and future readers. Can you back it up with some facts or experience?
    – OldPadawan
    Sep 14 '17 at 15:49
  • Your question doesn't give her much choice. Even if she didn't want to hear it, she now knows something is wrong.
    – JMac
    Sep 14 '17 at 15:50

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