Ways to deal with someone who uses expletives? [closed]

Question

Expletives (swearing, cursing, cussing) are in far more common use today, than they were in the past. "Official" media censorship and other imposed controls have been softened, or removed all together in some cultures making their use more familiar. In the UK, for example, terms which would have been frowned on a generation or so ago, such as "bloody," now do not receive as much as a raised eyebrow from most hearers.

But there are some terms which are still taboo to many, or at least unpleasant to hear for many. These are often sexually related or racially related terms; or religious expressions used as expletives.

How do you let a work colleague or casual acquaintance know you are uncomfortable with the "language" they are using without coming across as petty, or prudish?

Answer 1

This is a tricky question, and one I deal with every day. Cussing is in every second sentence with most of the people I work with currently, and for the rest, it's in every sentence. Here are several things I have found that can help.

1. Request (politely) that they cut out some of the cuss words.

I usually go something along the lines of:

Say, for personal reasons, I’m kind of uncomfortable with cussing and swearing. Would you mind just cutting down on the swearing when I’m around, please?

This can work, but bear in mind you have to approach the situation delicately, and if you know the person fairly well, you’ll be better able to tune timing and wording to yield positive results without estranging you from the acquaintance or colleague.

2. Set the example.

Where I work currently, it’s very well known that in the past 3 years I’ve worked there, I’ve never cussed once. I also try to stick out in the way I work: I’m constantly having people say that I’m one of the hardest workers they’ve ever met. My point is not that it’s true (I’m sure they’re just being nice); my point is, the goal should be to not just “fit in.”

While I strongly believe that I should make friends at work and get along well with everyone, if you want to influence people, you’ll have to be different. And what I’ve discovered is that when people see you’re different, you start influencing them.

I’ll never forget one co-worker, to whom I had never spoken about his cussing asking me some questions about various ways I’m different than my colleagues, and at the end of the conversation, he said, “[My name], I really have got to stop my cussing. I see it’s a nuisance to a lot of people, and I think it’s time to stop.”

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Those are my two cents (which rounds down in Canada), but I hope they’ll help!

Answer 2

I "sugar-coated the pill."

Early in my career, I remarked that "John Doe is a good guy, and he'd be a great guy if he would cut out the foul language."

He didn't quite do so, but he "moderated" his use of such language, at least around me.

Answer 3

It often feels really awkward to ask somebody a favour, especially when you don't know them very well, but once you summon the courage to do it, it's not really so hard

The key is to be polite and to explain why their language makes you feel uncomfortable.

Once you've gone through what to say once, it just doesn't seem so hard.

If you have clear reasons for asking, it's not at all petty or prudish.

I don't at all mind regular swearing, but I feel really uncomfortable when people use slurs.

This script got me a really positive response from somebody who I didn;t think would be so considerate.

Hey, you just used a slur.

I'm a person of colour, and I feel very uncomfortable when people use slurs around me because a lot of people who use that type of language are racist.

I know that you mean no offence, but it would make me feel so much safer if you tried, just when you're around me, not to use that language.

Thank you so much.

Answer 4

Often asking politely will bear fruit, especially if there's one or two people whose use of expletives is significantly higher than the norm in the environment.

Addressing the religious portion of the question, I had a coworker who would say "Jesus" or "Jesus Christ" for emphasis quite frequently. After one of the incidents, I turned to him and said:

That may not mean anything to you, but it does to me - I'd really appreciate it if you could find another exclamation.

Another variety I've used depending on the situation is to say something along the lines of (note that tone is important here):

I don't think you're praying; is there another word you could use there?

I suspect that requests to refrain from language that offends based on race, religion, culture, etc. are more likely to be acted on (compared to a request to generally refrain from crude language).