18

I've been asked this question several times this year, mainly from family members but also from long-term friends. I don't feel uncomfortable being asked but I also don't feel comfortable with where the conversation goes, at the minute I've just been semi-honest. The responses vary from person to person, but I generally explain that the last relationship breakup was hard, or that I'm concentrating on my career, which then leads down to a spiral of more questions (sigh).

I'd prefer a response with abit of humour behind it, so I can deflect the conversation away from the question, or back to the person.

How can I respond humourously to someone when they ask "How come you're still single?" to prevent further questions about my love life?

Note: the answers should aim towards nonintermediate family, so it doesn't matter about their sense of humour or anything, just something potentially funny that indicates I'm not interested going down this road of conversation (even if they don't find it funny).

This isn't a dupe as the other question isn't dead set on the type of response they want to have, I just purely want a humourous response only, regardless of the scenario.

closed as primarily opinion-based by Rory Alsop, JAD, OldPadawan, A J, NVZ Sep 22 '17 at 10:37

Many good questions generate some degree of opinion based on expert experience, but answers to this question will tend to be almost entirely based on opinions, rather than facts, references, or specific expertise. If this question can be reworded to fit the rules in the help center, please edit the question.

  • 5
    Possible duplicate of How to stop conversations about my love life? – Em C Sep 21 '17 at 13:09
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    @EmC this one is subtly different in that it specifically asks for humor. – apaul Sep 21 '17 at 13:16
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    He is being specific about the answer being humorous. It's just not always easy to come up with something funny, quickly enough. – Tycho's Nose Sep 21 '17 at 13:18
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    I'm sorry but this is very clearly an "all answers are equally correct" question, which makes it a bad fit for Stack Exchange. It's attracting poor-quality answers that are just lists of responses often without any explanation. – Catija Sep 21 '17 at 13:53
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    Mixed emotions? when you like Bradley's question and you know that @Catija is right? To stick to SE policy, VTC anyway... – OldPadawan Sep 22 '17 at 8:04
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In the Netherlands, there are a few witty responses, but some can turn out really awkward. I've had to make a few of them and heard a lot of them, I've listed them below. I would really advise you to adhere to the disclaimer on the first, and never use it in the presence of people that you know of that can't have a kid of their own.

USE THIS ONE WITH CARE:

My in-laws were unable to conceive a child.

A little more neutral, but still dangerous:

My in-laws never had children.

Safe ones are:

  • My prince fell off his white horse and is too stubborn to ask for directions
  • My princess lost her shoe and is still shopping for new ones.

And:

  • The only man that would be unable to live without women would be a gynecologist.
  • Because a relationship is two people fixing problems that wouldn't have been there if they'd stayed alone.
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    Yeah, I don't think that first one works in English. It's a really serious issue for a lot of people and not something that works as a joke, even with people who don't have fertility problems. – Catija Sep 21 '17 at 13:50
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    She already cautioned to use it carefully, and it can work, @Catija, but only in a group composed entirely of irreverent people (I mean habitually irreverent personalities that are used to black humor, not necessarily insensitive people.) – English Student Sep 22 '17 at 6:35
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    @Catija I don't think it's a matter of the English language, it's a matter of referencing a sensitive issue. I mean, I thought the response was funny, which indicates that either it does work in English, or my understanding of this facet of English is far off from everyone else's. That being said, I did have to think for a moment to see the joke, whereas I imagine people who would take it badly would "get it" (i.e. react) immediately, so I agree you're not going to get a good response unless everybody in the group is on board with such things. – David Z Sep 22 '17 at 8:06
13

One that has been a running joke in my family is:

Relationships smack of effort.

Which is painfully true, and anyone who's ever been in a long term relationship will kind of have to admit it.

After seeing how well marriage has worked for you I've been having my doubts.

I throw this one at my older brother occasionally. His wife has taken to breeding Pomeranians...

There's also the classic:

Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to be institutionalized?

In most cases it's pretty easy to humorously deflect the question by getting the person who asked to reflect on their own relationship. No one's relationship is perfect and there's usually some fun to be poked there...


More situation dependant, but still funny:

I'm waiting for the divorce to finalize.

I'm not opposed to same sex marriage, just opposed to having the same sex for the rest of my life.

8

A few comebacks I found and found them funny and would give as answers myself:

So I don’t have to cheat on my left hand!

Because I haven’t found a partner who can make me as happy as I make myself!

Liked, but not as funny:

I’m not willing to give up on love just yet.

What I have actually said in the past:

How come you aren't divorced yet?

(after prolonged pestering from a relative)

How come you are still asking?

3

In Nepal most people have arrange marriage so I would go with (Single myself):

My parents are searching and they haven't found anyone as good as me.

This may sound weird in case of Western European culture. But may cause them to stop asking further question. If not you could ask a question about their life.

or you could go with,

I am very good at giving relationship advice.

No I am not, my girlfriend is so beautiful, looking all invisible and shit.

Found these in pinterest.

3

'Still looking' is the laconic reply.

It is perfectly true and not necessarily humorous but can be funny if the person 'still looking' is very young or quite old.

'Still looking' is certainly designed to discourage further discussion, though some busybodies I know in this town will ask me why I am 'still looking' -- in which case I don't mind giving them the chance to 'counsel' me for upto half an hour if I have the time, marshalling a wide range of 'reasonable' reasons, to which I will reply with a wide range of equally 'reasonable' reasons, most of them insincere, but I absolutely dislike such well-intentioned interference and will be sure to avoid the topic with that person in future.

One cousin of mine used to deflect such a Q by frivolously saying:

I am moving to USA shortly and want to save $1000 and 300KG on luggage (where 65KG = weight of spouse, 235KG = weight of her luggage: as in, we Indians take a lot of things when we go away to USA; and $1000 is apparently the cost saved)

but Irony had the last laugh when he actually ended up moving to USA and actually saved on that luggage by marrying an American (non-Asian origin) woman.

Alternative humorous (but irrelevant) reply:

I will get married after my role-model, India's biggest box-office star gets married

OR

I will follow the example of Bollywood's most eligible bachelor.

  • Good answer. But you forgot to mention who the role model is? Please add a Bollywood star. I can easily imagine a staunch bachelor saying: I'll get married when Leonardo di Caprio does i.e. "never" :) – user3114 Sep 22 '17 at 9:17
  • There are a number of very eligible bachelors in Bollywood, @Mari-lou A. As I said on another question, it's impolite in India to name names, and film stars have feelings as well (for all I know he is a member at IPS.SE) but in a cover version of what a gangster once said in a classic Bollywood crime drama, it's the person who had a blockbuster movie in 1989, a blockbuster movie in 1994 and 9 blockbuster movies in the last 7 years. – English Student Sep 22 '17 at 9:27
2

This is not really my set of answers, but I found them hilarious. Taken from here.

Response to family members and friends:

  • Just lucky, I guess.

  • Name one married superhero. Exactly.

Response to friends only (maybe from "gender of interest", but not needed for it to be a joke):

  • Because you haven’t proposed yet.
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    Don't ask that second one of anyone who reads comic books.. they'll come up with plenty. – Erik Sep 21 '17 at 14:36
  • The Incredibles is largely about the tensions between married life and being a superhero. – Peter Taylor Sep 24 '17 at 20:53
2

The best route that works for me is to confuse them, I like the setup

  1. They ask a question
  2. You answer with a another question which is confusing and they don't know the answer to
  3. They answer something like "I don't know"
  4. You say "exactly"

This is a parody on the setup where they ask you a question and you answer with something like Is pope a catholic?

This was used in Rick and Morty(video) with the following slightly inappropriate setup (the inappropriate content is in a spoiler)

"Can you fly a black hawk?"

"Can the pope's d**k fit through a doughnut?"

"...I'm...not sure?"

"Exactly"

The joke is kinda surreal so people might find it strange.

  • 2
    "take their hats off? Oh, no, that's popes in a volkswagon". – AndyT Sep 21 '17 at 14:35

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