As the title says, there's a guy I met for five minutes several months ago who won't stop messaging me on Facebook. We're both (straight) guys, so it's not romantic, he just seems to want to shoot the breeze. I'm not a fan of small talk, and online even less so. I've tried ignoring his messages, but he doesn't stop and every time he messages me and I ignore him I feel guilty (more on that in a second).

I was hoping if I talked with him for a little while, he'd stop for a while, but when I tried that he just messaged me again the very next day. Part of the reason I suspect this is an issue is that I know he has something like Asperger's, so I don't think he would take a hint if I just started giving him short, curt responses. But I don't want to be super blatant/rude about it and say "I don't want to talk to you".

My sister knows his sister quite well, and my sister said he doesn't get out much or have many friends, so that's probably why he tries to talk to me. I guess he sees me as a friend even though, as I said, the only reason I even remember him from the five minutes I talked to him is that he found me and sent me a FB friend request.

I guess I wouldn't mind so much if we had anything at all in common, but we don't. He'll see something I posted on Facebook and message me about it, but if I respond he'll just talk about his work which doesn't interest me.

How do I politely ask/get him to stop messaging me?

  • 2
    Hi D. Strout! What are you exactly expecting from us? You exposed the situation but it's difficult to guess what you're looking for. The more precise the question, the more we can help you solve your problem. :)
    – avazula
    Sep 21, 2017 at 14:17
  • Can you set your status to invisible, or will he message you even when you don't appear to be online? Plus what avazula said :) Do you want him to stop messaging you altogether, or less often, or not about things you aren't interested in?
    – Em C
    Sep 21, 2017 at 14:29

1 Answer 1


Ya... Sounds like Asperger's/autism.

Let me tell you about my very specific interest at great length, over and over again.

I know, because I fight the urge to do it.

The easiest way would be to "ghost," just stop responding and he'll eventually stop sending messages. This isn't polite, but it's pretty common online.

Being on the spectrum, it's usually helpful for me when people are more direct.

Hey, you seem like a nice enough guy, but it doesn't seem like we have anything in common. You keep telling me about your job, but I don't really know much about, or have much interest in, that industry. Sorry I don't mean to be unkind, I'm just not much for small talk.

Chances are pretty good that he's making an effort to generate "small talk" and may even be slightly relieved to not be "expected to" anymore.

Aspies can be a little strange socially. We have a lot of the same urges to socialize and be accepted. We're just not always very good at relating to people, and trying to relate and communicate the way neurotypical people do is often exhausting.

  • 2
    I just can underline that. "Constructive rudeness" (Beauty full word '^.^) may hurt my ego for a little moment, but after that the person has earned my respect as a) I know the person is direct and I can rely on their words. And b) nothing is more of an annoyance for me, as uncertainty is. And as long I don't get a direct hint, I can't let it go and it would always bother me for the future. So my full support to your answer.
    – dhein
    Oct 13, 2017 at 12:46
  • I think your example text beginning with "Hey, you seem..." is superbly done! It can sometimes sting to get a rejection from someone (for whatever reason) - but for me - what you write is so much better than being ignored. Also, it stresses the fact that they don't have a lot in common which does not put the guy down in any way. Sep 1, 2021 at 16:50

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