My boyfriend, John, has a female cat. He's had her for a long time. He also happens to have a friend, Lily, who loves cats. Over time, Lily went from being a cat lover to being a cat activist, adopting stray cats, neutering/spaying others, providing food, rescuing kittens and so on, out of her own pocket. I admire what Lily does. She really cares about cats.
Now, a few months ago, Lily convinced John to adopt a male kitten. (John and Lily used to be house-mates in the UK, they know each other for quite some time).
Lily reassured John that she would be covering the kitten's expenses, even his food. I told John we should adopt the kitten only on the condition Lily helps us with the vaccines and the neutering and since this would be taken care of, I agreed. I love cats myself and used to have two.
Lily did buy food for the cat a few times, and John has since had numerous discussions with Lily about feeling bad having to accept her help.
Lily has recently been asking us when we are taking the kitten to the vet (when it shouldn't have been up to us in the first place) and John hasn't clearly told Lily we can't do it until today when they had a phone call that didn't go very well.
Lily accused John of not caring about his cat, (John hasn't spayed his female cat-it's been years) and how bad this is for her (well, she never goes outside and was the only cat until now), while John reminded Lily of her promise and how it was her responsibility to take the kitten to the vet. In the end, Lily told John she won't be able to pay for the neutering yet even though she knows the kitten is almost 6 months old and needs to be neutered soon. John worries we might end up with a pregnant cat. And we don't want that.
I keep reminding John that I agreed to adopt the kitten on the condition Lily would cover the cost of the neutering and the vaccines (as an incentive to convince us to adopt the kitten). I'm also planning on moving in the future and I don't want to end up with more cats than I can handle.
Wishes Lily didn't have to help. Also doesn't like being told what to do about the female cat. Had been hesitant asking Lily's help with the kitten, but did so after getting upset.
John should have spayed the female cat but doesn't address what needs to be done about the kitten.
John ended the phone call (he hung up on Lily after she was yelling at him for not agreeing with her about the female cat), telling me that I should handle this with Lily, get into a fight or whatever I think necessary, next time.
(If I get involved), how can I make Lily realize neutering the kitten can't wait? How can I/we avoid discussions about what's right or wrong about the female cat?