I have a very tricky situation that has come up. I am getting married in two weeks (as the groom, age 39), and my fiancée (bride-to-be) has invited a close friend "Lucy" who is bringing her own fiancé "Sam" with her. Lucy is a sweet girl, is in the bridal party, close friends with my fiancée, etc. Lucy and Sam have already booked rooms and flights, etc. to our wedding.
I recently found out that Sam, age 32, sent inappropriate texts to my brother's 19 year old girlfriend, "Mary", telling her that he "can't stop thinking about her", and that he "wants to meet up", etc. The tone of these messages was clearly sexual. Sam met my brother and Mary at my house a few weeks ago. My brother was the one who informed me of these messages, clearly bothered that the guy who was actively looking to steal his lady would be attending the wedding. He asked me to please help resolve the situation so that he and Mary could be comfortable at my wedding.
Here are the main issues:
Sam should not be hitting on my brother's girlfriend. She's too young, and they are both in relationships. (He’s engaged!) Not to mention the disrespect of doing that to the brother of someone whose wedding you're attending.
Mary most likely "led him on" slightly with her language and giving her contact info to Sam, etc (I do NOT mean to justify anything, just pointing out forces that led to this. )
If I make a big deal out of this (loud and angry as was my first instinct), it could hurt / destroy Lucy and Sam's relationship (clearly not a strong one) right before the wedding she was supposed to be part of - which in turn affects my fiancée negatively. I know it was hard for them to afford the flights and hotel, etc.
Sam has a history of violence, been jailed for assault, history of cheating, etc. (Not a good guy, obviously.) So, causing a confrontation with him is not going to be fun, but seems necessary. His history is another reason I want him to leave my family alone. I didn’t have any axe to grind with this guy before this, we were actually friends and had hung out on several occasions.
Normally, this would be none of my business - except that I was asked to help by my brother, and they are all scheduled to come to MY wedding. Normally, I wouldn’t even know anything about this.
Here's the outcome I'm looking to achieve:
My brother and Mary must not feel uncomfortable at my wedding
My fiancée must not have any added stress for this already crazy time of life
Sam's predatory behavior towards my family must stop
So, I'm really having a hard time figuring out how to approach Sam about all this. My main thought is to do that via text, so I don't have to see him in person.
What is the best way to resolve this situation?