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When I was in school I was active in Choir and Theater and learned to project my voice well. Topped off by a several years in the Army reinforcing the commanding tone, combined with a lack of awareness on my part leads to my talking in a loud voice unintentionally.

The only technique I have been successful with is reducing the opportunities by intentionally staying out of conversations unless I am directly asked questions. This reduces the occurrence of the problem but does not solve it. Many times I have been asked to bring my volume down, even in meetings. It is not something I am doing consciously though.

I seem to notice it becomes more of a problem when I am trying to assert my position. I am told it makes me seem like I am trying to dominate rather than convince, which is not my conscience intent. As a result my arguments for my position are often less effective than when I do manage to control my volume and tone.

Is there anything I can do to keep from becoming boisterous while talking with others?

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  • Because, at least in my opinion, this isn't a problem related directly to talking to someone, it could be an issue in general. Almost like "other people find my voice annoying how can I get them to listen to me", a solution to this problem would be to talk quieter, which is not an interpersonal solution, it's a personal one.
    – Crafter0800
    Commented Jul 6, 2017 at 18:29
  • I'm not sure how I feel about this question. I think it's a good one - you got an upvote from me - and it might be on-topic because proper communication is needed for interpersonal skills. On the other hand, the question isn't about how to act in a certain situation, which seems to be what most posts here are about.
    – HDE 226868
    Commented Jul 6, 2017 at 22:17
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    I think that "controlling the volume of your speaking voice" is well within the skillset one needs to master for interpersonal interaction. Speaking too loudly (or softly) affects your ability to communicate with others. As such, learning how to control this would be an interpersonal skills issue. How many films contain characters with this problem? Most recently, the Pitch Perfect series made light of a character who spoke too softly for anyone to hear, which affected her ability to interact with her peers.
    – Catija
    Commented Jul 6, 2017 at 23:12
  • Meta post.
    – HDE 226868
    Commented Jul 7, 2017 at 12:51
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    I'm voting to close this question as off-topic because that's rather an issue related to intrapersonal skills.
    – avazula
    Commented Oct 22, 2018 at 15:46

1 Answer 1

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I have the same problem, as I am deaf in one ear. I regularly get told not to speak so loudly. The only thing you can really do is purposefully speak at a lower volume than your ears tell you you should.

Something that can help, is to pretend you are wearing headphones. When you are listening to music on headphones you know you have to talk more quietly than the sound of your own voice tells you to. If you can visualise yourself wearing headphones whenever you're having a conversation, it may help you to remember to dip your voice.

And getting a hearing test to confirm that this is the problem is probably a good idea.

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