My friend has been there for me through the worst times of my life, and to the point where no one really helped me besides her. She's going through a bit of a rough time now and I've done everything I can to help her. I normally do answer her calls and I can sit on the phone with her for literally hours while only she rants about her problems. But I started grad school and I just can't do it anymore.
She will call me 8-10 times a day. And before I used to answer every time but I genuinely can't now. So when she calls I don't pick up and I politely text her that I'm busy right now and I'll call her when I get a chance. She says okay but then continues to call me profusely. She calls me while I'm in class, even though I tell her every night that I'm in class. She apologizes afterwards but I can't handle this anymore.
She is way too dependent on me and I'm honestly just tired of hearing her problems 24/7. I used to do it but it's been 7 months of the same stuff, and I honestly don't empathize with her. She's suffocating me and I feel like I'm going to explode. I can meet her, spend the whole day with her, and after going home, she will still call me. I used to deal with this but I'm so frustrated now and I don't know how to handle this situation.
She's so so sensitive and I know that if I spoke to her about this, she would absolutely lose her mind (even if I did it in the gentlest way possible). My plan so far is just to keep ignoring her calls and text her saying I'm busy, maybe she'll get the hint after a while (although she hasn't already). And I also feel a little guilt because she was there for me when I needed someone and I needed help in a way I never thought someone would do, so I feel like if I don't answer her all the time, that I'm using her.
How can I handle this situation?
Some questions answered:
- Does she have a job or not?
She's not unemployed. She recently found a job after she graduated college last year. However, right after graduation she was hired but then fired because the boss believed she was unintelligent and made too many mistakes. She recently found another job where the boss is making the same criticisms of her and she is getting paid peanuts. She is very upset by this and has been looking for jobs but she never gets any call backs.
- Does she live with her family?
She lives with her family. She constantly complains about them as well because they don't support her emotionally but in my opinion every does try to support her emotionally but she just takes it too far and requires too much at a certain point.
- How old am I? How old is she? How long have we been friends and what do we both do?
I just turned 21, I currently have a job as a software engineer and I am in grad school working towards my PhD in pure math. She is 24, has a degree in psychology and is working in a law firm as some kind of administrative assistant. We've been friends for 3 years but only became close over the past year.
- Has her mood shifted, was she cheerful before? What triggered this?
She was cheerful but this past year is when we got really close. She wouldn't have opened up to me this much last year. What triggered this was some friendships ended in her life. She took it so badly. These girls who were her friends gave her advice on how to potentially find a guy because all she complains about is how ugly she is and how much guys don't want to be with her, and she was offended and then they stopped talking to her and she hasn't gotten over it since.
- Do you think she is depressed?
I do think she is depressed, I suggested seeing a therapist (as I do) and recommended her to my center. She started going but she complains about the therapist not seeing eye to eye with her there as well. I have spoken about this with my therapist but he hasn't advised me of anything yet, maybe I will ask him next session. I don't think she is a threat to herself at all but she will just get even more depressed.
- How does the stuff she's done for me compare to the stuff I've done for her?
I don't know how to compare but I think they are about the same level but I just feel so indebted to her because I never had someone care so much to help me that much from late night outings to holding me while crying. Granted, I've done the same for her but I still feel bad.
Also, there are no romantic feelings involved at all. We are both straight women.