2 days ago my dad's father passed away due to cancer after lying to everyone in the family about his health and keeping his pain hidden for over four years prior. My dad, his sister and his mom are in deep sorrow right now.

When grandpa was hospitalized me and my mom never went to visit her due to school or having other things to do. My grandma has said that I sent my best wishes each time they visited without me actually saying anything.

Granddad's action have caused us a lot of issues, and a lot of frustration and conflict stemmed from his actions and the things we had to do to take him to the hospital and back multiple times each week. Suffice to say I am not exactly sorry for him after what he's put us through.

On top of all this, the 3 of my granddad's relatives that I started this question with have unanimously decided yesterday that the funeral is going to be held at a specific date and time without discussing it with me or my mom first, and the decision is final.

Normally I'd have no issue with having to attend the funeral even after all this, but I've been given internship at a multi-national company about a month ago, and my first 2 hours of work start exactly at the same time as the funeral would. I've informed my parents of the start time long ago, but it's probably not the first thing on my dad's mind right now. I'm torn.

I have the option to either miss 2 hours of time where many essential information is likely to be said that they probably won't want to repeat and I'd also make a bad first impression, or to disappoint my dad and the rest of our close family for who knows how long. The workplace would probably be understanding of the situation, but I'd much rather go there and not miss a minute than attend the funeral, all things considered.

Of these options, which would make the most sense?

closed as off-topic by Tinkeringbell, JAD, Alina Cretu, Anne Daunted, OldPadawan Oct 11 '17 at 9:07

  • This question does not appear to be about interpersonal skills, within the scope defined in the help center.
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    I'm voting to close this question as off-topic because choosing between two events isn't an interpersonal skill we can help you with. We can't make the choice for you. – Tinkeringbell Oct 11 '17 at 7:58
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    If a company feels that you made a "bad impression" because somebody died and you went to the funeral, you really don't want to work there. – Erik Oct 11 '17 at 10:01
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    In this case i don't think we cant help you. This is totally a decision you should make on your own and its context related to your family dynamics. That said, as a personal advice i would tell you that no work is worth sacrificing your relationship with your family. – Salvador Ruiz Guevara Oct 11 '17 at 17:04
  • I guess what OP has felt but not stated is that though OP will obviously inform some managers and peers about the reason for absence, it is not feasible to inform everyone who'll take note of the absence, which is seen to be creating a bad impression. Some can be told it was for a personal emergency, but for others, OP's conduct at work should be more important than the first few hours after joining. I agree with Apaul. Also, missing 2 hours that too on the first day might be a relatively smaller loss than most people would have to face at their workplace in similar circumstances. – DS R Oct 12 '17 at 5:54
  • You only get one chance to go to your grandfather's funeral. You can start your working life at any time you like. We can't make the choice for you, but bear that fact in mind when you make it! – alephzero Oct 19 '17 at 3:46

Don't start your career or working life like this.

One day, many years from now, you'll likely identify this as the moment that you started putting the job first. It's a habit that tends to follow you. Right now it's a funeral, a little while down the road it'll be staying late at the office and missing an important date with your partner, further down the road you've missed your kid's first steps, and it keeps getting worse...

When you stop and take stock of all the things you've missed because the job was more important, if you don't hate the job already, you'll likely start.

Some things are more important than work. Take the day, spend it with your family. The job will still be there the day after.

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    If you want to be the happiest you can be in life, make the people around you your top priority. Connection with other human beings is the most important aspect of human happiness. – Dan Anderson Oct 11 '17 at 14:10
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    Did anyone else hear "Cats in the Cradle" playing ever-so-softly as they read this answer? ;-) Very well said @apaul! – Matthew Snyder Oct 22 '17 at 20:46

The workplace would probably be understanding of the situation

You said it. To me it makes more sense to attend the funeral, and stay close to your relatives who feel sorrow for this loss.

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