The illness

There is this Israeli girl (let's call her Amy) who I know for a few years now (I'm living in Germany). Her mental state got worse over the last years: Amy has depressions, an eating disorder, no self confidence and maybe a narcissistic disorder (that's what a therapist said). Additionally, she has a problem with authorities, no real friends left (only online ones like me), her mom is probably narcissistic, too (that's what I think), and they have a very difficult relationship.

Resignation, breaking off contact and talking again

When the problem got worse, I tried to urge her to go to therapy for months. Eventually I resigned (like her mom) and broke off contact. Half a year later, she wrote me, being highly suicidal. Of course I talked her out if it. I started to talk with her again and she got a bit better. I urged her again to go to the therapist, but after she dropped out of school, she had to go to the army and had no opportunity to go to therapy anymore.

The current situation

Two weeks ago she told me that she tried to kill herself, but failed. She wanted to hang herself but the construction broke. I know her well enough to believe it (she dropped hints already). A few days afterwards she was allowed to leave the army permanently due to her condition. Although I am the only one she talks to about her mental health, she has trust issues (I left her once). When I urged her to go to therapy again, she asked me if I will leave her again in case she went to therapy. I told her that I will certainly, if she won't go. Unfortunately, I was not very understanding, but I got my point across telling her that she needs to go to become healthy again and that I won't accept her not going to therapy. That was ten days ago and we didn't speak since.

The question

Amy was pulling me down (and is still a bit). I didn't pay attention to it since she was and is still suicidal. I planned to help her as much as I can, but since she does still not accept any help, it's time for me to let go. I thought about trying to force her into a closed facility, but she wouldn't let them help her either.
She might write me if she wants to kill herself and I will not be able to ignore her. Should I block her on all channels?

  • 3
    I'm voting to close this question as off-topic because this is not something you should ask strangers on the internet about - if you want help dealing with your suicidal friend, it would be best to consult with a professional.
    – NotThatGuy
    Commented Oct 27, 2017 at 22:06
  • 1
    Related: interpersonal.stackexchange.com/questions/4716/…
    – apaul
    Commented Oct 27, 2017 at 22:19
  • 2
    Please read the answer to the question apaul linked ^ - this is all a bit outside of our area of expertise (and of course, yours), but it's the best we can offer you. Please try to pass it along to your friend.
    – Shog9
    Commented Oct 27, 2017 at 23:18

1 Answer 1


I'm going to take a stab at this, just because we get a lot of these...

The advice I received from a licensed psychiatrist, for dealing with suicidal people in person, or over the phone, in my own community, was to treat every suicide threat as legitimate and call the authorities. Where I live in the US, they treat these things seriously and dispatch first responders and take suicidal people in for observation and counseling.

If the person you're dealing with is someone you're close enough to, to know their full name and where they live this may be the best option.

Whether this is an actual suicidal person or just someone crying out for attention is kind of immaterial. A cry for help is a cry for help. When someone is talking about suicide they need professional help.

It's ok to be clear about what kind of help you're willing or able to provide. It's also ok to tell people directly that you can't offer the help they really need. Sadly I've had to do this on a few occasions.

You know I care about you. I care about you so much that I can't watch you self destruct anymore. Please find a therapist that can offer you the help you need. Until you're seeking treatment I'll have to maintain some distance. I'm sorry, but it's not healthy for either of us to go on like this.

Leave the channels open and be clear that you're open to reconnecting after they start treatment.

Sometimes people will refuse treatment until it's their only option. If you're interested in helping this person make it clear that that's the only help you're willing or able to offer.

This related post has some pretty good resources and contact numbers for suicide prevention:


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