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My ex and I had an intense breakup, he ended up starting a relationship with a friend that had feelings for him immediately after the breakup and they have been together since (6 months).

We are not in contact anymore and he moved out of state for a job but I still have some unresolved feelings for him and feel like he may have some for me too.

I am going to see him at a work-related conference in a month where we will be staying out of town and I'm a bit anxious about having more feelings come up when I see him again because I want to move on too and be over him for my own good.

How should I handle spending time with him/ seeing him without having my feelings hurt again and not being rude or too obvious about it?

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  • Do you have to see your ex while you attend the conference? Did you have a strong friendship prior to your romantic relationship? Do you think that you could maintain a platonic relationship with him, and if so, do you think it would hurt you to do so?
    – Upper_Case
    Nov 1 '17 at 16:46
  • Who broke up? You or him?
    – user2135
    Nov 1 '17 at 16:46
  • I don't think I have to but kind of want to...? we were friends for a year then we were together for a year romantically. We haven't spoken for 5 months but I was still in touch with his mom. A month ago I was in a car accident and he came to see me. Then he was texting me for a few days and disappeared again. I think because of his bipolar he experiences very intense feelings some times and the times we tried to break up before he said that he can't be friends with me because he wasn't able to contain himself around me. Now he's with that girls so the dynamic changed
    – sillygilz
    Nov 1 '17 at 17:10
  • the break up was mutual I guess but since he had someone to fall back to I took it harder. Initially he got a job out of state, which ha has been commuting to until last week. He wanted me to drop everything here and move there with him. Considering his mood swings and red flags I said no so he chose to end things for good and told me he would be with her to "forget about me".
    – sillygilz
    Nov 1 '17 at 17:19
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To recap: You've said you have unresolved feelings for this guy, but you want to get over him. With that in mind, I think the best way to handle seeing this guy at the conference is to see him as little as you can. Don't go out of your way to avoid him, but don't make any plans to see him for any long chats or one-on-one hangouts. If you do run into him in a group setting, say hi, chat a bit about work or the weather or other similar small talk, then disengage and go do something else.

If he asks to meet up one-on-one, politely decline. If he asks why, it's completely reasonable to tell him you need some space to let your friendship go back to normal after the breakup.

If this guy is meant to be a friend to you, he'll be able to give you some space to finish moving on from this relationship.

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  • Excellent direction to take - avoid emotions, big gestures, and create distance and personal space instead. The polite way no less.
    – Bookeater
    Nov 1 '17 at 17:36
  • Thank you for all your feedback and answers. Sounds like the right way to go. Even though I have moved on with my life I still don't know why I can't stop thinking about this person who gave up on me. I am going there with a coworker who also knows him (he used to work in our company, that's how i met him) and was thinking the 3 of us will go to dinner but maybe that's not the best idea for me now.
    – sillygilz
    Nov 1 '17 at 18:16
  • @sillygilz - Even the dinner idea may be too much. I think you know it is time to disengage. Nov 3 '17 at 13:54
  • I guess you're right... I'll just see what happens when I run into him and how it feels. It's a big event so it might be easier to just be cordial and say a quick hi and not small talk too much... He already has a big ego right now so I don't want to give the wrong impression
    – sillygilz
    Nov 3 '17 at 14:21

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