I've recently started working in a company and over the last two months I've been developing feelings for one colleague.

I might be experiencing this since it's my first job, very new and exciting thing for me and as he is very helpful and friendly I might be thinking I'm bonding with him. I say this, because considering he has never shown anything even close to a romantic interest and I know almost nothing about his personal life. It's very unusual for me.

I'm not even bored, since I'm studying, working and practising sports. So I'm really confused as to how to get him out of my head.

How do I stop thinking about him? Is there a way to find out whether he's interested? Should I even do that?

  • 4
    'How to stop having feelings' isn't an interpersonal skill. Sadly, we can't control your hormone balance :-). The part about 'a way to find out whether he's interested' is a good interpersonal question though. Could you edit out the 'How do I stop thinking about him', and change the quetsion body/question title to focus on that?
    – Tinkeringbell
    Nov 3 '17 at 14:16

Mixing personal and professional life brings lots of potential problems with it. What if you try and find out how he feels about you and he doesn't respond the way you like? Will you be able to maintain a professional relationship with him? Will he?

Try and imagine how it might look from his perspective. Trying to figure out they feelings is sure to be noticed, which in turn can result in awkwardness.

I think that in this case, the risks definitely outweigh the possible rewards. Not only short-term (in the case of an immediate rejection) but also long-term. What would happen if either of you breaks up with the other. You would still work with eachother, you would still be forced to see eachother.

That's not even taking into account what the company might think of this. Do they have any rules on relationships between employees? For the reasons above they might very well have.

All in all, you have to decide for yourself if these risks are worth the adventure, and then answer for yourself whether you should find out if he likes you.

Additional examples:


That is a tricky situation and might make things more awkward for you at work. I actually met my ex boyfriend at our job and when he was in a bad mood it made my work days long and hard because we kept our relationship a secret and he would ignore me at work for days. (luckily he no longer works here so I dont have to deal with seeing my ex every day). There is no subtle way of finding out if he likes you that way or not but my suggestion is not to get mixed up with someone you currently work with because it may affect your job status or performance. You also need to know if he's single so you are not stepping on anyone's toes.

Not the answer you're looking for? Browse other questions tagged or ask your own question.