How to sway someone to stop repeating something, especially when telephoning or emailing?

Question

Presume her repetition as the only snag, not any tacit hesitancy or aversion to referring as some input beneath wrongly suggested.

In telephone calls and emails, my relative told her barrister that already knowing a certain website for lawyer referrals, she preferred a personal referral. He replied that he was thrilled to refer to his law school friend, but still pointlessly repeated this website. All her attempts failed, as they're too subtle and understated. After his 1st repeat, she replied:

Thank you. Noted. I do know of this website. But I hope for personal referral from you, rather than cold-calling from that website's list.

After his 2nd repeat, she replied:

Right. I did mention earlier that I already visited this website.

After his 3rd repeat, she stopped trying, and wretchedly suffered his repetition in silence.

She had to restrain from shrilling the following that'd offend:

• Please do not repeat/stop repeating this that you already told me.
• Please, no need to repeat this.

Answer 1

Have a more direct conversation about it

Perhaps they are simply forgetting or maybe there is another reason they keep bringing it up. Either way it is best to ask, try something like:

You've mentioned that a couple of times now, is there a particular reason you can't do a personal referral?

This would lead to a conversation about the subject, rather than simply brushing it off and carrying on. If the lawyer is forgetting then this might make it sit in their memory a little better, if they have some problem with the process and, despite remembering, keep bringing the site up then you might be able to address this or understand better where they're coming from. Remember, they do know the system so there might be a reason - besides talking longer and charging by the hour - behind their actions.

Answer 2

If you keep asking a professional to do something for you, and he keeps pointing you to info on how do it yourself, he's probably not going to do it for you.

Specifically, if you call a lawyer and try to get a referral out of him, you're asking him to use his reputation with his colleagues for your benefit. If he tells you "go look in a phone book," he's saying that he ain't gonna do it.

One repetition might be confusion on his part. More than that is not. Your relative was just badgering him for special favors, whether or not she realized that's what she was doing.

Answer 3

The guy was clearly aware of your desire, just unwilling to comply--he was stonewalling you.

Perhaps you (or your relative) should have taken the hint: the lawyer clearly didn't want to make the referral, and tried to take the politer path of pointing you towards an alternative resource rather than flatly refuse.

Answer 4

You (or your relative) could ask why the professional keeps repeating:

Hm, you've told me about this website three times already and I acknowledged that I understood. However, I would prefer a referral from you. Is there a reason why you keep repeating this information? Are you unsure whether I understood what you told me? Would you prefer not to refer me? If so, please say so explicitely - I won't be offended but I need to know.

But, frankly, after the fourth repetition I would have been likely to end the call:

Understood. You've told me about that website four times now and you keep ignoring my request to refer me. It seems to me we're not getting anywhere today - I'll call you back tomorrow. Have a nice day.

Answer 5

I don't know if this is allowed in the UK, but in the US, a referral for a lawyer on a website can earn up to 25% in commission (see example affiliate program).

That being said, this is not to say this was this lawyers's particular motivation. Some websites in specific industries can be very good. They have a good search engine. They contain up-to-date contact information, customer reviews, good articles, and up-to-date licensing information/ reprimand letters.

I am aware that you're in the UK, but in the US, we also have the state bar associations websites. And in the US at least, if you want to refer a client in need of a lawyer, but you don't want that person to get ripped off, you refer that person to your local state bar association's website.

Did your relative check out the website in question? Can you give us its name? Maybe we can take a closer look at it.