I've got a new friend of mine, call her Sue. Sue got kicked out of university today. We haven't known each other for a long time, but I do feel like helping her. I want to help her prevent/overcome anxiety, possible depression and other stuff, but have no idea how to be at hand. What can I do to help Sue overcome the hardship?

Background info:

  • We met each other at a single website and we occasionally go for a walk;
  • This particular field of education that Sue studied during university is everything to her and she is willing to connect her life with the particular science (at least, she was);
  • It's not the kind of branch where you can learn things yourself, find work and have all further opportunities. It's kinda like medicine, where your hands are tied without a proper diploma and education;
  • I'm working in another industry;
  • We aren't really close to each other and we do not spend much time together. She's been really busy for about a week and now she mentioned that she is in process of outing;
  • I have no idea if it may be relevant, but somebody will probably ask, so: I am interested in some kind of romantic relationship with her, but for now we are just mates;
  • I don't know the exact reason for Sue being kicked out, but she's mentioned troubles with studying, so it may be lack of effort (I really doubt this, but have no counter proof), lack of time or simply efforts in the wrong direction;
  • 3
    It may help to understand more of why Sue was excluded. Was it failing grades? Lack of effort? A major blunder or disruptive incident?
    – user8671
    Nov 10, 2017 at 11:55
  • 3
    Do you know why she was kicked out of uni? What you can do changes depending on that
    – Magisch
    Nov 10, 2017 at 11:58
  • 1
    Voting to close for now as too broad. We need a couple more specific details to address this in a way that is helpful, I think.
    – Magisch
    Nov 10, 2017 at 12:04
  • @Kozaky thank you for your comment, additional info was added.
    – fixerlt
    Nov 10, 2017 at 12:11
  • @Magisch can you, please, specify, which details may help the question become reasonable? (reason for kicking out was requested before, so that doesn't count)
    – fixerlt
    Nov 10, 2017 at 12:11

1 Answer 1


I think you're not thinking this through fully.

Often times, the best a friend can do in times of hardship is to just be there and listen to people grieving. I don't think you should go out of your way to set something up, maybe you two can catch up over a coffee and talk about it.

You presumably have other reasons to be around her, so keep doing that, and if she wants to vent or asks for advice, give it freely.

Going out of your way now might send entirely the wrong kind of message, especially since you two don't have that much contact to begin with, it could be seen as a cheap ploy to try and date her on the back of a personal hardship. You'll want to avoid her feeling like you're just taking the opportunity.

So in summary, be there for her and listen if required. Other then that, maybe tacitly offer advice or other opportunities if you have any, but don't go overboard with it.

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