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Not sure if this should be posted at the Workplace, but this question (for me) is more about interpersonal skills.

My colleague and I dated for some time, then we stopped doing so later on (she was the one who adduced that we should stop doing so). I respect that decision.

Then after some time, she got promoted (we're on the same team).

Our interaction became awkward and she would often criticise my work standards (I think her criticisms are mainly based on her observation; I never shared with her how I deal with things at work, it just comes to her through shared emails and perhaps the opinion of other people). I am also struggling as to why she criticises me, considering that I received recognition for the work that I've been doing.

I'm not sure if I provided enough context, but that's the summary in general.

We still interact but I know that it's just for the purpose of showing professionalism. I noticed that she tries her best to avoid having an interaction and I try to avoid having interaction as well (considering that she gives her utmost effort). However, whenever I speak up about work-related matters in team meetings, she usually reject my ideas; and I don't understand why (my ideas are relevant to the mission, vision and goals of the company).

Note that our dates were friendly rather than romantic.

I would like to know what are the things that I should do to deal with the situation I am in.

closed as too broad by Em C, curiousdannii, Tinkeringbell, A J, JAD Nov 13 '17 at 17:08

Please edit the question to limit it to a specific problem with enough detail to identify an adequate answer. Avoid asking multiple distinct questions at once. See the How to Ask page for help clarifying this question. If this question can be reworded to fit the rules in the help center, please edit the question.

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    You say she was promoted: is she now your superior? Is she actually commenting having observed your work, or merely repeating what others have said? Have you asked (possibly outside the meeting) why your ideas are rejected? – Andrew Leach Nov 12 '17 at 11:13
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    For cultural background: which country? – peufeu Nov 12 '17 at 11:36
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    Are you asking "How to deal with an ex-girlfriend, which now is my superior, criticizing my work?" If yes, you should update your title. – Vylix Nov 12 '17 at 13:34
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    That's why dating a colleague is frowned upon by some companies' rules. – user2851843 Nov 13 '17 at 7:22
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    What is your exact goal? What options do you have to reach it? – Fildor Nov 13 '17 at 9:39
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I've been in a similar situation and here's a few tips - though your culture will have the biggest impact on the final answer. This answer assumes you're in a Western culture, like the US, Canada, some places in Europe. In general, your question is part of why people say don't dip your pen in the company ink.

  1. Be sure that she's being unfair before doing anything else. She may be giving you good feedback - even overly critical feedback can still be insightful in some situations, as the inverse - sucking up to someone - doesn't really stimulate personal or professional growth. Sometimes we feel someone is being unfair to us because we used to date, when in reality, our expectations are misaligned. This may not be the case, but be sure it is. If she's being critical, is there any truth to it? At worst, she's being unfair; at best, you get a chance to grow from truly brutal feedback.

  2. In general, if you are performing highly and others at work notice this, but she doesn't, this will reflect more on her than you. In other words, she's taking a big risk here and if this is a pattern others notice, this gives you a chance to dispute some of the criticism, if that's what you choose to do. You may also use this as an opportunity to switch teams or something else.

  3. You may be in a situation where you can switch teams. If you can do so, I would recommend it. If not, use this opportunity as a growth opportunity and realize that you'll have to go the extra mile. Build references inside the company outside of her to position yourself to be able to move to a new company, if the situation calls for that.

This situation sucks, but you are growing as a person. One thing you're learning is never behave this way if a relationship doesn't go your way. Vindictive behavior ultimately confirms why a person may have chosen to end a relationship, so if she's being extremely unfair to you, this reflects poorly on her. You have a chance to shine here, even if there will be some awkwardness.

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