It's a minor social party for friends and it doesn't go very well. You've been there for an hour or two and it's not really lightening up. You want to go home but have no pragmatic reasons, you just don't enjoy the party anymore. But of course, it would be rude just to disappear, especially if there's only a few of you there.

Let's say you don't have any excuses or don't want to make up any, but you want to be sociable and say a proper goodbye when leaving to cut off the awkward feeling of both you and the host that you spent your time on something. You want to stay open but don't want to ruin your realtionship with your friends.

How to excuse yourself politely without making up excuses?

  • 3
    I'm going to need a little more detail here. Who are you telling? A host? A friend that has to drive you home? A significant other? What kind of party are we talking? How 'scandalous' is it to 'leave early'? How long have you been around, for like 10 minutes or an hour or...?
    – Tinkeringbell
    Commented Nov 21, 2017 at 20:43
  • 1
    @Tinkeringbell Yes, because I want to be honest, so this is a question for someone who doesn't have any excuses.
    – foggy
    Commented Nov 22, 2017 at 19:22
  • @foggy, are you alright with lying? You say you want to be honest, but Flater is taking you to say you are discounting telling the truth. A little clarification would help.
    – user3316
    Commented Nov 23, 2017 at 17:24
  • 1
    @AytAyt I'm a bit polarized myself but I liked Flater's answer because if you're lucky and your party isn't on Friday or Saturday, everyone has to get up for work the next day :). I'm not alright with lying, therefore I don't want to use the 2nd sentence, but I'm alright with not saying the whole truth or not saying it explicitely.
    – foggy
    Commented Nov 23, 2017 at 20:43
  • @apaul I'm not at the party :) and I'm not a party person so when I am at one, it's just a casual dinner for 10 friends for no specific reasons. I don't want to leave those kind of parties and I don't know what could go wrong with them but but I've been telling myself it'd be nice to have something up my sleave in case I'd be pushed into something less intelectual.
    – foggy
    Commented Nov 23, 2017 at 20:48

2 Answers 2


If you are talking to the host and don't want them to feel like you guilty that you aren't having a good time , you could ask about the next party or offer to host yourself.

Something along the lines of "I had a fantastic time but unfortunately need to head out, we should definitely do this again." or "Thank you for inviting me I had a great evening, I'll have to have you over sometime".

This will re-assure the person that you had a nice evening and could want to do it again down the road.

  • That could work! Although there's the problem I'm not really sure if I want them to feel guilty. I think I want them to know this is not really my kind of buzz but don't want to ruin it for the others.
    – foggy
    Commented Nov 23, 2017 at 20:53
  • 1
    @foggy You specifically want them to know that you didn't enjoy yourself at the event they invited you to and went to some effort over? To what end? Are you hoping not to be invited back, or thinking they'll change the way they throw parties, or just want to spread the misery around?
    – 1006a
    Commented Nov 24, 2017 at 18:03
  • 1
    @1006a 1. I want them to understand me. 2. I want them to have some feedback for the future 3. I don't want to lie
    – foggy
    Commented Nov 24, 2017 at 18:11
  • I dont really like the exit suggestions. You tell them a lie, that you had a great evening, which you didnt. The host might think they're doing everything 'great', which they didnt for OP. They might (or not) want to change something. If everyone tells it was great, but dont show again, that would be much more hurtful. You shouldn't be rude, but there is a middleground, something without telling a lie.
    – Martijn
    Commented Mar 27 at 16:02

What I do in those circumstances is to point out the stuff I see that is "boring".

Last time we had a get-together, the dude forgot to put some music on, so I pulled him to the side and said:

"Hey man, could we maybe get some music pumping ? Been wanting to show you X or Y artist".

"Sorry bro my speaker is broken" (he never had a speaker) ", but next time I'll >remember that"

"So when's the next one gonna be? My place or your place ?"

"Bla Bla Bla"

"You bet, I'll be going then, Good Night Josh"

This is what I found that works the most while providing feedback, the most extreme reaction I had was someone telling me that If I wanted to order pizza I would have to pay myself cause they couldn't.

And you know what? It was perfectly reasonable.

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