I feel like I can't correctly ascertain what my significant other would rather do. We have had a rocky relationship as she is rather introverted, while I'm more needy, and while we talked and determined to pursue a more healthy relationship with both of us trying our best to help the other party, I have recently come to this issue.
When talking about meeting with my significant other, sometimes she will not be open about her feelings on meeting up or not, and when later confronted she will cite a fear of making me feel bad as a reason to not doing so; so she accepts reluctantly when it would not be the most convenient to her to do so, but later won't stop talking about how inconvenient it is for her, both previous to the appointment, and during it.
It makes me feel guilty, as I do not wish to inconvenience her, but when I offer to postpone the appointment or give up on it, she will reject and tell me to carry on with it, but won't modify her behaviour. I get very confused since I am getting mixed signals and I don't know how I should act.
I have tried to make it clear that, while I feel it's a pity we can't meet, it doesn't make me feel bad, and I understand and respect her boundaries, but judging by her attitude, I find it clear she won't believe me on this and I don't understand why.
If it helps provide context, I have Asperger's syndrome.
She will consistently tell me that I always get sad when she tells me she doesn't want to meet up, and while it's true I did in the past, I've been changing that issue, but after telling her I don't do that anymore, she cites times when I express discontent over not being able to meet up ("Oh, well, that's a shame :'(") as a reason to tell me how I'm feeling, and when I tell her I was merely expressing shame over not being able to meet up, I'm in no way feeling bad.
For further clarification, this was a conversation we actually had last week:
ME: This week I'll only be able to meet on Tuesday, because of so, so and so.
HER: Oh, I actually had an appointment that day...
ME: Oh, well, that's a shame.
HER: Would you like me to cancel it?
ME: No, that's okay, I don't want to bother you.
ME (5 minutes later): On a second thought though, if it won't bother you, I'd actually like to meet you.
HER: So.. you'd like me to cancel it for sure?
ME: Well, I'd like to meet you, yes.
Afterwards, pretty shortly before meeting she proceeded to tell me I had forced her to cancel her appointment and how she hadn't liked that at all.
So my question is:
How can I find out what she really wants when she is telling me to meet up, but keeps sending mixed signals? More specifically, how can I confront her and make it clear that this issue is damaging me, but without making her feel bad about it?