My wife's parents often take a specific type of expensive vacation (it's like a timeshare). They asked us last year to save time in 2019 for us to go with them on a Christmas trip.
We found out over Thanksgiving that they had rescheduled the trip to Christmas 2018 and invited my family (our families are very close), but without asking me or my wife if we were even interested in moving the trip. If she had asked, we would have said no.
Reasons for saying no to rescheduling include
- we are already taking one of these trips next year, and I'm not sure if I want to use up more than half of my vacation on two very similar trips;
- we have other vacations we'd like to take;
- in 2019, one of us will be back in school and it will be easier to take a week off.
But these aren't the points we want to make with her family, since we're not necessarily upset about that, it's more that my wife's mom rescheduled without us, just assuming that we would make it work. And now that both our families are going, it'll be really rude of us to make a scene and not go, but again, that's part of the reason we're upset because now we're cornered. We're also pretty young and worried she's not really treating us like adults.
Her mom is very aggressive trying to schedule these trips, and it sounds like what happened is my family was like "Oh sure, 2018 would work," and she jumped on it. We also heard rumors she might have made special arrangements to make things work for all of us.
Her mom is likely to respond to any concerns with "You just don't want to spend time with us," and suggesting we take unpaid time off to come with her (not happening, and not really the point).
Right now, we're thinking that if she's going to be very stubborn about this, we'll go to keep the relationship intact. But, we want to have a conversation about it first. We would like that talk to maximize our chances of having a discussion about rescheduling, and hopefully get the trip moved to 2019.
How do we have this conversation with her parents?