How to talk to my brother about a shared interest in pornographic furry material?

Question

My brother and I are both 24, male, and twins (though we are fraternal and as physically different as possible).

We have a healthy sibling relationship with many shared interests (video games, book series, TV series etc.). When I was at his house, I went to Bing a question on his laptop and saw that he had pornographic furry websites open. He must have forgotten to close them and I didn't say anything about them.

But, as the title suggests, I am also a connoisseur of such material and could suggest/share some websites or art that we have a shared interested in.

The problem is, as close as we are, we have not discussed our sexual interests and starting might be awkward. We both live in the Unites States and this type of interest is usually frowned upon.

One possible issue that I would want considered is that he is shy and might reject that he has this interest and I definitely don't want to shame him.

Answer 1

Is this question purely about furry pornography?

Seems like approaching from a less explicitly sexual angle may accomplish the same goal without as much potential for embarrassment or awkwardness.

From my admittedly limited knowledge of the furry subculture it's not all about kink, there is also a fair amount of general fantasy fandom. Granted an awful lot of it is about kink, but a soft approach would probably be better given the circumstances and some folks really do enjoy the art and role-play for less sexual reasons.

I'm sure if you've been in that scene for a while you're somewhat aware of this, and probably aware of some of the more common, but less sexual furry interests... Like popular animes, cartoons, graphic novels, books, and so on.

I've had a few friends that were into that scene, and have definitely seen and heard them converse about it as friends in a non-sexual way. Just thinking that this will probably be the better way to go about it.

Answer 2

One possible issue that I would want considered is that he is shy and might reject that he has this interest and I definitely don't want to shame him.

I think that part is crucial to how you approach this. This mutual interest has been stigmatized in popular culture, like it or not, which could result in your brother feeling embarrassed and closing himself off to you in this context. That could create awkwardness for a long time.

Your goal is to open up on both sides and have someone close to you with whom you can talk about this openly.

Perhaps what you saw was him just checking it out and he does not have an interest. It is perfectly natural for people to get curious and look at things that they have no real interest in. It is called "educating oneself." Or this could be a genuine interest. You have no idea without asking, and asking is a risk.

It is easy to see that one piece of concrete evidence and let your brain start connecting dots that are not connected. Maybe he just likes foxes. People can like animals, real or not (e.g. dragons) without a sexual connection.

I recommend holding off and paying closer attention to clues in the future. You want to have someone to talk about this private topic with, but you do not want to close any doors, either. You need to be sure and not assume anything, else you risk damaging your relationship with your brother. Maybe broach the sexual topic first, without any fetishes. Maybe drop a comment (just one) about a sexual relationship you had, and see how he reacts. I never talked about this with my brother until we were adults, then we shared all sorts of interesting stories. But it took baby steps for us to open up: perhaps the same approach will work for you.

Answer 3

As with all topics in the area of sex, this is going to be a personal and "scary" conversation. Your best bet is to follow the same rules as if your material was more main stream.

One time, when its usually quite and you guys are alone, like after diner or something, start the conversation. You want the time to be relaxed and normal.

Start with, this morning I happened to be closing your laptop and noticed that you were looking at "blah blah blah". What I like looking at is "blah blah blah". Then keep the statements and comments focused on your self. You your "I" statements. Put your self at risk. Don't say "well you do it too" or any thing like that. Talk about your self, your interests and what not.

Let your brother come back to you with questions and comments.

That said, you need to really, REALLY, decide what you want out of this interaction. Your brother may not share that goal and there may be a disconnect. You are also putting your self at risk. If you start talking and he comes in with the "while I never"s then it's time to go "ok, well just so you know I do, catch ya later." Be aware of the risk you are taking, and if it goes south be prepared to go down alone, and what ever you do don't start in with the petty "you too" style comments.

Answer 4

Just casually bring it up in conversation. Maybe start by talking about cartoon crushes you had when you were younger. Surely you guys must have also watched the same cartoons. Bring up something from Disney or something, a lot of anthropomorphic animals in Disney.

What you probably don't want to do is mention what you saw on his computer. Let him bring up being a furry. Maybe talk about furry related things, but never out right mention it. If you want to bond with him about it, it seems like it will have to start with him.

Try not to make it sexual either, might make it awkward, at the start at least. Start off slow.

Answer 5

I would come out myself - share my own interest, giving him plenty of opportunity to express his own interest, and building for him an environment in which it feels safe to do so, before asking him directly. That way, he won't feel pressured, and his interests will be normalized.

So, maybe say, "hey, check this out," and pull up a yiff or something. Mention the site you got it from, and that there's a whole world out there, and see how he engages. If he doesn't or he clams up, drop the topic and let him choose when to discuss it with you. The odds are good that he'll respond to what you're doing. If his response is neutral or reserved, I might ask, "what do you think of this stuff?" or something like that.

If that's too forward for you, then something more passive might work - 'accidentally' drop a printout of a yiff or something and see how he responds to it. I'd definitely recommend a more direct approach over this though.

And remember, just because he's viewed it once, doesn't mean that he's actually into it. Be careful not to project your expectations onto him.