Suppose you're living with your spouse and going through some problems with your spouse. You've addressed the problems several times with her but your spouse has been unwilling to pay attention to you and has been ignoring you. When you talk to her she simply tells you to shut up. Part of the problem is that she doesn't respect your right to privacy and keeps looking at your mobile finding lame excuses to grab your password and read your stuff and delete information she doesn't like from your accounts, at the same time unwilling to talk to you about your stuff directly.

You want to talk to someone about it. All you have is your mobile phone. You are thinking of posting all of your problems on a chat or on a social network like Facebook.

The problem is that this seeking help in this manner may label you as a complainer. Plus, once you meet up with your spouse and these people they may use the information to judge how poor a couple you are, and look negatively and sorry about how the couple is not working out. This may in turn also help malicious people wanting to break the couple up. My partner is also expecting. How can I best share what I am going through with others without having my relationship status lose its good points from other people's point of view?

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    I vote to close this as primarily opinion-based. We can't help you decide what you should do, but we may be able to help you with how to do something. This may offer some helpful answers, perhaps. – Anne Daunted GoFundMonica Dec 2 '17 at 14:04
  • I've updated my question. – Neil Zaneil Dec 2 '17 at 14:09
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    What is your goal? Venting frustration? Do you hope that those other people can influence your spouse to change their behavior? – Anne Daunted GoFundMonica Dec 2 '17 at 14:14
  • I agree with @AnneDaunted, unless you state a specific goal its hard to help you here so I'm voting to close as unclear. Are you simply after a method to vent? Get advice? Get help to change your spouse? This will change the answer to the question quite a bit. – Notts90 supports Monica Dec 2 '17 at 18:18
  • Well, my goal was to get advice while not compromising my relationship with the people I expose the problem to, because they may have expectations or at least assumptions about how the relationship is working out, and failing those expectations or assumptions with them may imply changing their positive outlook on our relationship status to a negative one. – Neil Zaneil Dec 3 '17 at 14:54

How can I best share what I am going through with others without having my relationship status lose its good points from other people's point of view?

Only share information and details with people you trust to treat that information respectfully. If you think someone may use the information to judge you or try to break you up, don't share it with them. If you don't know, don't share it with them.

If you're thinking about posting a complaint on social media, first consider if you would feel comfortable telling each and every person on your friends list the same thing, face-to-face. If not - don't post it. It's one thing to vent to a trusted friend who you know has your best interests in mind, and quite another to tell the whole internet "ugh I'm so mad at my spouse right now".

Private problems are best resolved privately, for the reasons you noted. In addition, airing your "dirty laundry" in public can lead to resentment from your partner. They may be embarrassed or angry at you for bringing other people into your private life.

If you feel that you don't have anyone else to talk to about your relationship problems, I strongly suggest finding a relationship counselor. You can go on your own, or with your partner. Psychologists have a professional code of conduct to not share what you talk about there, and they're an impartial third party who is focused only on helping you.

In the short term, you could also consider anonymous internet forums for relationship advice; this would allow you to vent to people and even get feedback, but without embarrassing your spouse by having it tied to your identity(ies). I've done this before using throwaway accounts, when I was frustrated with my boyfriend for things I knew were petty but wanted to vent and get it out. However, I would not recommend this long term - for serious issues, you really should seek "real life" professional support, who will be able to get the whole picture and help you work through it appropriately.

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  • Comments are not for extended discussion; this conversation has been moved to chat. – HDE 226868 Dec 6 '17 at 18:57

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