At social events I have found I am some-what guilty of getting into in depth discussions that may occasionally drag the other person/s away from the main group. Most of the time this is fine, based off reactions of being asked to meet up after, get in contact, thanked for the chat I am fairly confident that they were glad to have gone in detail with whatever we were talking about, and I really enjoy it too! However, occasionally I have gotten the opposite sense, that they would have preferred to re-join the event and did not want to offend me and so they stay until something happens that gives them the opportunity to politely excuse themselves. This may not be for some time, and I certainly don't want to be holding anyone back from having a fun time so, that got me wondering about what I could do to tactfully give them the chance to leave and not be worried about hurting my feelings.
I have tried:
- Inviting more people to join the conversation so that it is less in depth and their is less pressure on the person to stay
- Suggesting to do something else (like grab some of the provided food/drinks)
- Directly asking if they wanted to keep talking about {X} or would rather rejoin the others
All of these worked well at giving them the chance to leave, but have the downfall of making it noticeably harder to re-engage the conversation we were having and and enjoying. (Note: The ideal is that we can both be confident that the other person wants to be having this conversation, and not have any interrupt at all.)
When inviting others, the quality of the conversation is forcibly dropped and to resume the depth at which we were talking before would be to ostracise the people we just invited to talk with us.
When suggesting to do something else, it takes a large break in the conversation and also sometimes even implies that I am making an excuse to leave the conversation.
Directly asking has a very clear awkward and jarring effect to the conversation that I would rather avoid by using some tactful IPS skills. ;)
My question is:
How can I tactfully give them a chance to leave the conversation, without compromising the conversation? (Edit: I specifically want to focus on how to keep the conversation going when I do this since more often than not they wanted to talk after all. Think of it this way: I must give them the chance to leave to avoid being rude, but I want to try and preserve the great conversation we have been having)