TL;DR: My 30 years-old brother messes up his life, and those of other family members, by doing nothing. I need my brother to open up and explain his point of view, so that I can understand him.
How do I get my brother to talk with me about these issues?
I have a younger brother who will turn 30 in a few weeks and who has no clue what to do with his life. This affects the lives of other family members, especially that of our mother with whom he is currently living (again). Mother once mentioned that his behavior will be the reason why she will bite the dust if this continues.
But let's start at the beginning:
Our father died when he was a teenager and was still going to school. At that time I somehow slipped into the father role because I was the only person he listened to. My mother barely had access to him at that time. After he finished school he went to a foreign country for a year and then moved to another country to study there.
He finished his Bachelor's degree two or three years ago. Even though the death of our father deeply affected him, he seemed to be back on track. After finishing his Bachelor's he moved back to our home country (in Western Europe) and moved in with our mother and had no plans as to what to do with his life, which continues up till now. He is literally doing nothing. He never worked in his life (I'm not considering being a paperboy during school as "work"). Our mother is working in two jobs and is breaking her back and he does nothing.
At the moment I'm seeing three problems:
He's not having any money problems. We received a heritage after our grandparents deceased. A five digit figure. He used the money to invest it in the stock market. He's not gambling but really doing his research and is in the market for the long-term and makes quite a bit from time to time. If I were to guess, his current financial situation would allow up to 4 years of living alone.
He had offers in the financial sector (his Bachelor's is related and he considered working in this field) but you won't be able to start directly managing a billion $ hedge fund. He has a problem with the concept that, at the beginning of your career, you usually start at the bottom of the ladder and slowly climb up. He thinks he can start at the very top because "everything is logical". Besides that, he once mentioned he doesn't want to work for someone. But he also does not want to start his own business because then he would have to deal with things he dislikes.
Our mother is not throwing him out. She's afraid that she would lose her son if she throws him out. I've told her a million times to set him a deadline. Either he gets a job and split the costs or he has to move out. It took me over a year to convince her to ask at least for rent. But the amount she asked for is also more symbolic. (I don't know the exact figure but I would be surprised if it would be more than 100 Euros a month).
In the beginning, I defended him to my family members that he would make his way. I don't think that you need to follow the conventional way and get a 9-to-5 job and live your life like anyone else. But he's not living at all at the moment.
What I've tried
I've told him that the only problem he has and why other family members attack him, is the fact, that he's not living on his own. He doesn't need much money. He's not going partying, doing any drugs or has any expensive hobbies.
I've made several suggestions as to what he could do and how he could turn his strengths and hobbies into a living.
I introduced him to people in the sector where he would like to work. But if I ask him a few weeks later, he just tells me that he didn't have the time to follow up or comes with some other phony excuse.
About a year ago I wrote him a (snail-mail) letter, where I explained him at length, that he's messing up his life. This gap in his CV is something he cannot explain to any potential employer. Everyone will think he was in prison or has something else to hide.
Two weeks after I sent him this letter I asked him if he had anything to say about it. His reply was that he didn't have any time to read it yet (even though he couldn't tell me what he was busy with). Four weeks later he told me that he still needs to think about it. He wanted to make up his mind if he would like to travel a bit or get a Master's degree or apply for an internship or a job.
I offered him help if he needed some. I also suggested to go to a psychologist if there's something that holds him back that he doesn't want to talk with family members about.
But nothing has happened ever since.
What I want to do:
I want to know how I can involve my brother in a dialog where he opens up and tells me his point of view so that I can understand him. I want to have something I can work with. The only thing I know is that he's not happy with the situation either.
I just want to understand his behavior and would like to know from him how he imagines his future and what is currently holding him back. So that I can work from there on forward.
Every time I bring up the topic, he totally blocks and gets mute and we have several weeks of silence between us. From my point of view I don't have the feeling that I'm pressuring him (considering that this has been going on for two years) and I also don't consider myself judgmental (I don't care what he is doing as long as he's happy and not affecting others with his behavior).
How can I involve my brother in a dialog where he opens up and tells me his point of view so that I can understand him?
Thank you all for being very helpful and patient. I have reached my goal and currently I am having some kind of dialog with my brother. If I could I would point out which advice was most helpful from you but it was a mixture of factors which came together. But pushing me to reflect my own behavior was definitely a huge part of solving my question.