I am a student. Probably due to my upbringing, grades are very important to me and currently I have a very high average.
I have a group of friends that I hang out with the most and we share many classes and thus exams or assignments. They are also often present during presentations I give. They don't care about grades as much as me and their averages are much lower, 1-2 of them even failed an exam that I passed with a almost perfect score. They are significantly younger than me.
Whenever I don't get the best possible grade I am disappointed and frustrated that I did not get the best possible grade and want to share these emotions with my clique.
I realize that my attitude towards grades is not healthy, but I doubt I will be able to change it until I graduate. Rationally, I understand that it does not really matter and I am probably still going to graduate "cum laude", but emotionally I can't stop feeling frustrated, especially since I feel that it could have been prevented, had I procrastinated only one day less. Or, due to lack of sleep, I make a very dumb mistake in the easy part of an exam. I am also frustrated with myself for not doing more to "guarantee" an A+.
In case it is important: Grades are not very important for future employment, I should not have a problem finding a job. For me it's more about proving to myself (and others) that I can be a good student. I have dropped out of college in a related subject.
I feel inhibited to really open up and show my frustration to my clique because I suspect that they can't understand why I am so upset, because they would be more than happy to have these results. And I am afraid that they would think that I am ungrateful. Additionally, I suppose grades are just not an important subject to them. The best I can hope for is that someone makes a joke about whether I want to quit university now, which I don't mind at all (the comment). At least they acknowledge me this way. Of course they already know about my grades and that I am only satisfied if they are perfect. I have stated several times that I don't worry about passing an exam, it's only about getting a perfect grade.
On an assignment I get an A instead of A+ and we talk about the results. They ask me what I got and I say
"I got an A."
and they say
And I want to add
"I am not really happy about it, in fact I am really disappointed. Had I started a little earlier I could have fixed the part that I knew was not perfect. I rushed the whole thing in 7 days and was really hoping for an A+ but it was not enough. I feel like I was so close. And this grade will destroy my almost perfect average. And now I am going to be in a bad mood for a few days. Especially because no one really understands my frustration and how I am feeling..."
But I don't say this, or only parts of it, because I understand that they don't care about it as much as me.
What I am looking for/asking?
A way to communicate and vent my emotions and disappointment, maybe have a conversation that they are interested in, too. The goal for me, is to feel better and create a deeper connection with my friends.
Solutions that are not applicable
Changing friends: I understand that I could look for friends that have a similar attitude towards grades, and in fact I have some that can relate to my frustration a lot. But I like to be able to communicate my emotions with "regular" friends as well, because these are the people I hang out with the most and I like them for many other reasons.