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Around 2 weeks ago, I began talking regularly to somebody at school (let's call her Judith) who I only knew on a "face-level". She is a friend of one of my friends , who I'll call Emily.

While I have a quite regular contact with Judith and Emily (around 5 times a week), I don't really learn much about Judith, because, the two of us being shy, we need time in each conversation before really opening up. I feel that's too bad, as, for what I know, Judith seems to be quite an interesting person.

I actually meet Judith on 2 occasions :

  • At lunch, with Emily (20 mins). Emily often leads the talk as she's much more outgoing than we are.
  • During study hours (55 mins). Between the inevitable blanks, that are justifiable because of study, we are able to open during the last 15 or so minutes, where we can glean information about each other.

We have only 1 study hour per week in common, so we don't exchange as much information about each other as I would like ( I believe it stands for her as well, but I can only guess ).

So far, I thought of these solutions :

  • Use Emily's phone number to ask about Judith, and get enough information to engage conversation during a study's hour. Why I don't like this : I feel that I would be doing something behind her back. Furthermore, Judith obviously must study, and I wouldn't want to distract her too much.

  • Ask Judith to meet me outside of school. Why I don't like this : I think this would bring her too much out of her comfort zone to meet someone she only lightly knows outside of school.

The options I listed here may contain the "good" one, having never dealt with this kind of situation, I have no idea.

A few context elements :

  • We are both 15 and going to the same school.
  • We don't live in the same city, even though distance is hardly a problem.
  • This whole question is set in France.

How could I invite Judith to have a long talk with me so we could discover each other ?

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Ask Judith to meet me outside of school.

I think this is a perfectly good idea! But maybe it would be easier if you were to invite Judith and Emily first. This way, you can spend time with Judith and maybe in this new environment you'll be able to converse more. Once you and Judith hang out outside of school with Emily, then maybe the next time you can invite her to do something where Emily isn't there.

Another suggestion is to befriend her outside of school through social media. Do you both have cell phones? Can you ask her for her Wattsapp and chat with her through there? You can ask for her snapchat or instagram or whatever social media app French 15 year olds enjoy these days. It's a good way to find out about her interests outside of school.

  • Thanks for the hindsights ! We both don't use much social media, but Internet definitely is an option. Thanks a lot. – Sachiko.Shinozaki Dec 18 '17 at 6:11

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