I have a friend (John), whose partner (Jane) I am also friends with. The three of us have hung out together for many years.
I'm unsure when it is considered acceptable to spend time alone with Jane, and if I should take any steps to ensure that John (her partner) doesn't feel betrayed, regardless of what he may say.
Now, I'm well aware that in any healthy relationship there should be a great deal of openness, tolerance, and trust. However I'm not so idealistic as to believe every relationship is as peachy as it appears - If I'm creating stress on another couple, and jeopardising our friendship, then I'd rather wait until the weekend to see them both.
Jane is the only person I know who works near me, so I'm not left with the option of seeing another person, or inviting a third party. I've grabbed coffee with her a few times, and I feel guilty having not said anything to John. I know that if I had a girlfriend, I certainly wouldn't want him to be frequently calling her out to lunch, regardless of how much I trusted them. It'd make me first feel jealous, betrayed and insufficient, and then later probably guilty and various other emotions of self-deprecation, for having thought badly of friend and partner meeting up for food. At the same time, I fully realise that everyone is free and independent, and has a right to make their own decisions. It's certainly not up to John to dictate who Jane sees, but here are some of my concerns:
- Should I continue having lunch, as frequently as I want, with Jane?
- Should I have a chat with my friend John, so that I can be sure that I have his approval?
- Am I making too big of a deal out of this?
How can I go out to lunch with a friend's partner with him not feeling betrayed?