About 8 years ago, we started having some serious trouble with a couple of neighbors (which slowly escalated to call-the-cops and get-a-lawyer kind of trouble). There was some property damage at the time too, but there is absolutely no proof this was related to the neighbor (there's still a suspicion though).
I was in university at the time, and my parents did a very good job of keeping me out of it. Being away for most of the time certainly helped. I have a general knowledge of what happened (a court case with a verdict in our favor - she had to get rid of the dogs she hoarded), but my parents never spoke about their interactions with the neighbors, and I never witnessed the extent of some of the property damage or saw my parents initial reactions.
Now, that court case was 4 years ago. Since then, I've had some interactions with one of our neighbors, and she seems genuinely apologetic about the whole thing. I'm not the easiest person to win over once you've pissed me off (and she did that because I saw what my parents were going through), but I really think she's sorry for what happened and wants to apologize.
I've seen her make several attempts to try and speak to my mom (for example last summer on the neighborhood barbecue), but my mom always avoids her or gets 'rescued' by dad.
So yesterday, we received a Christmas card from her. My mom was so mad she didn't even read it. I did, and it was a really nice card. Basically, our neighbor just wished us all a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year. Our card also stated something along the lines of 'I really like to apologise and I want to start anew, just like the new year does'.
Then, there was a invitation for the entire neighborhood to come and have the traditional New-Years eve drinks in her home.
Needless to say, when I told my mom what was actually in the card ( I felt she at least needed to know there would be a chance these drinks would be had at the neighbors home), she got really, really mad.
We got into an argument, me arguing for the neighbor and that I really thought her apologies were sincere, and my mom who wanted nothing to know about it, to the point of shouting at me that I was being naive and manipulated.
I've never known her to hold a grudge this long, she's usually the first to preach forgiveness to me, usually, I'm the person that holds the grudge.
I'm guessing our neighbor did something that's even worse than the things I know about, but when I asked mom about it yesterday she wouldn't tell me. I'd really like to know why she called me out for being naive and manipulated, and understand her anger.
How can I have a talk about the reasons for her anger with my mom, when only mentioning the subject pisses her off this much? I'd really like to find out what it is that happened that is so inexcusable she doesn't want to talk about it, or can find it in her heart to forgive, even after 4 years...
Dad's on a business trip right now, and I'd really like to have this talked out with mom before he comes home this weekend. He's not going to accept the apologies either, but he's even less of a talker than mom and won't explain what happened either (I asked) so I would really like to focus this on my mom.