My mother recently had surgery and I'm helping her. It's been about 8 days now. I don't mind helping, but she wants to talk to me.
As for what it is. She had bunion surgery.
I have really bad anxiety and depression, and I do not deal well with people.
I am shutting down. My anxiety level is sky high because I don't know when she is going to want to strike up a random conversation I don't care about, and I'm depressed because I can't get anything done. My brain is not working. I can't think. At first, I tried to get some thesis reading done and some writing, but now, I'm can't even concentrate enough read a "fluff novel". I'm even too depressed to play games. Before writing this, I was lying on the floor, curled up in the fetal position waiting for her to say something.
It's not just having to hold a conversation, which itself is hard for me, but not knowing when I'll have to do it next. And then there is the issue of having to be on high alert all the time. I'm mentally and emotionally exhausted.
In addition to not wanting to offend her, I don't want her to stop asking for my help. She is mostly able to do everything she needs to on her own now, but if there is something she needs help with I WANT her to ask for my help.
I should stress that my mother is exceptional at inducing guilt. Right now, I'm ill-equipped to deal with my existing mental and emotional stress. I can't take any more.
What I need:
I'm not really sure. I'm at the end of my rope here. I can't say anything because she'll do her Catholic mother guilt thing, and also she does actually need me for stuff. I just need...I don't know, what I need. I just want her to stop talking to me.
I need quiet time. I need peace. But I can't push her away, and I can't damage my relationship with her.
I guess what I need an answer too is then:
How do I communicate all of this to my mother without causing problems?
What I've been trying:
I've been exercising as much as I can, and I'm already on anti-depressants. For the most part, however, when I'm not talking to her or helping, I'm sitting in front of my computer trying to play games, or, more recently, lying on the floor.
Normally I bike, but the weather isn't so great. That's another issue.
I also tried finding a cafe within biking distance. Just say I was going to go there for an hour or two. However, there aren't any. I've been of the opinion "why have a care if you can instead spend that money on a nice apartment close to campus."
How it ended up (aka final edit):
As it turned out, my mother recognized something was wrong, and sort of broached the subject the very evening I posted this question. I was, after all, a basket case. I simply explained that I want to help, but need to otherwise be left alone. It was a simple short, painless, and guilt free conversation. She is now back at work, as am I.
The answers given don't quite answer my question. In the end, it just sort of resolved itself.