I’m [29 F]. My best friend (and roommate) [34 F]started dating a man [32 M] that I had a crush on. He is also a good mutual friend of both me and my roommate.
Before they were dating, I had decided for my own reasons not to ask him out or make a move because I don’t think it would be a good fit long term with him. I thought I had gotten over my crush feelings for him. Then he asked my best friend (and roommate) out on a date.
She knew I had a crush on him and asked me if it was okay that she started to date him. I said I thought it would be okay with me. But then I saw them together and felt terrible pain, sadness, loss, and rejection. She has been spending more time with him and I miss my close friendship with her. Now, we still have a friendship, but it is more distant.
He was also a close friend in a mutual group of friends we share (about ten of us total in the group of mutual friends). A week after they started dating I told him I had had a crush on him and it is hard for me to see them together. I wanted to share this to have open communication since we are all in a group of mutual friends. So now the three of us are all aware of my feelings and that this is a tricky situation. (The other seven friends don’t know but might be able to guess, because I haven’t been hanging out with the larger group if I know both my roommate and this guy are going to be there together). Both she and he have been understanding up to this point. They have not been hanging out at the house my rommmate and I share - they always go to his house and I’ve only been spending time with each of them individually.
It’s been one month now they’ve been dating, and I’m still not comfortable seeing them together. I saw them together yesterday and burst into tears in front of both of them. She wants to start bringing him over to the house for dates. She and I talked about it last night what we should do to solve this situation. I’m okay with them dating, and even happy for them, (because I think they are a good match, and there is probably another man who exists that compliments me better) but I don’t want it rubbed in my face and I just want distance to finish healing and getting over him while mourning the loss of depth of friendship with my closest friend. But getting this distance is hard since I live with her.
She asked me for a timeline - she thought a month would be enough time for me to get comfortable having him over at the house seeing them together. I told her maybe three additional months would give me enough time (so four months total). She isn’t happy with this timeline as she feels restricted if he can’t come over to the house. I don’t know what to do.
I want to ask my roommate to not bring him over for an additional 3 months. What's the most reasonable way I can go about this?"