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Here's a little back story : There's a girl from my school that's a year older than me that I got really close to. Eventually, she ended up telling me that she liked me. Thing is, I don't know if I like her romantically, but she is definitely one of my favorite people. Now she's graduating, and will soon be moving to another city. I'll be seeing her for the last time tomorrow.

The complication comes from my feelings. When she told me she liked me, we didn't know each other that well. I was almost certain I would never like her. But over the past couple of months I have really started to develop a liking for her.

To be clear, I don't know if these are romantic feelings or not. I just really enjoy talking to her and spending time with her (as does she, I presume).

Now I don't think telling her how I feel is a good idea. She will definitely be heart broken if she finds out I've been keeping this from her, considering that I'll probably never see her again.

The last time I saw her was about a week ago at her graduation party. I only said goodbye to her, not realizing that that was one of the last times I'd be seeing her. She confronted me about it after the fact, and made it clear that she wished I hugged her and at least told her I'd miss her.

What's the most appropriate way to say goodbye to her without promising her a future relationship and minimal chance of hurting her feelings?

Edit : I'm also quite bad with words, and I've hurt her feelings by saying the wrong thing a few times before.

  • 1
    Unfortunately, this question appears to be asking “What should I do?”, which the community has determined to not be a good fit for Interpersonal Skills Stack Exchange. We can’t decide for you what to do; after you determine what you want to do, we can help you with your goal, but we can’t make these decisions for you. Sorry. – user58 Jan 19 '18 at 8:37
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    Suggestions for what to say is a decent start, but you also need to tell us what you are hoping to achieve with these words. – Jesse Jan 19 '18 at 8:49
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I think you should listen to your friend.

The last time I saw her was about a week ago at her graduation party. I only said goodbye to her, not realizing that that was one of the last times I'd be seeing her. She confronted me about it after the fact, and made it clear that she wished I hugged her and at least told her I'd miss her.

You can hug and tell someone you will miss them without being in a romantic relationship, (assuming you’re comfortable with doing so). You could also suggest keeping in touch via social media/texting/calling etc. but only if that’s something you would like to do.

Side note: I think you’re right that this is not the time to bring up the topic of a romantic relationship. If she brings it up I would recommend saying something along the lines of

I’m confused about my own feelings and this isn’t a good point at which to start a romantic relationship.

10

If you feel like you'd like to stay in touch with her, and possible try thing out long distance, telling her would be fine.

If that isn't something you'd be interested in, then it would be best not to tell her you may have feelings for her, I think.

However, meeting her and saying you miss hanging out with her and that you value her friendship, and wishing her the best from here on out, even hugging, is perfectly acceptable.

Just go hang out with her one last time. If you so choose, suggest a method to keep in touch even though she is moving. Just make sure she knows if you have romantic intentions or not when doing so, so as to not give her false hope or anything.

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    Thank you! I don't think the long distance thing is something I would be interested in. I'd love to go see her sometime, but that'll have to wait until I graduate too, so at least a year. I just wanna make sure that I don't say something stupid (like I have before and ruin it the last time I see her). Do you have any suggestions on what I should say? – Rumble down Jan 19 '18 at 8:37
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Get Skype and stay in touch. Don't start anything romantic. Things will tend to change as you two do not see each other. Be genuine, get in touch with your own thoughts and feelings. O.K. to give her a hug and let her know you'll miss her.

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Best bet right now is to give her a nice farewell maybe even suggest like a quiet drink (could be a coffee at starbucks) with just the two of you and enjoy it as possibly the last time you both will have such. Giving her that farewell will not only make her feel better about letting go but also let you have a quick evaluation about the state of your own feelings and if it strikes you propose a friendly long distance relationship (like close friends but LD). If it develops, it does, if not then see where the ship sails.

TDLR: Have a short one-on-one time with her before she leaves for closure. Do make it clear that it isn't a path to the beginning of a serious relationship.

2

Why don't you tell her what's going on with you lately if you think you like her as well?

Look, try to keep things clear. If you really feel like she's the one and no-one else can replace her, then go on and tell her, she might be angry for a while but at the end, things will work out. Now, regarding the distance, you have to think about that.

  • Because she'd definitely be angry that I'm only telling her now. I don't think I could maintain any sort of long distance relationship either – Rumble down Jan 19 '18 at 8:33
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    Look, try to keep things clear. If you really feel like she's the one and no-one else can replace her, then go on and tell her, she might be angry for a while but at the end, things will work out. Now, regarding the distance, you have to think about that. – user11627 Jan 19 '18 at 8:39
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    @user11627 can you maybe edit your last comment into your answer? I think the comment alone helps a lot more than your current answer ;) – Kaspar Scherrer Jan 19 '18 at 9:52
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I'd suggest to not take any step towards a relationship or away from it if you are still considering your feelings and can't decide whether you like her romantically or not.

Giving her a nice farewell is a nice idea. Spend a whole day with her, doing things she would enjoy or better, you both would enjoy. Life takes turns in weird ways. The distance will bring a change in your relations. It might bring you both closer if you both like each other. When you will miss each other's company, you both will know what you want.

Do stay in constant touch with her if you like it. I mean to say don't hold back. Don't rush into things either by trying to reach a conclusion to these feelings.

I believe that if she really likes you, she would have the instincts to know that you like her too and it would be a similar case with you. Just give it time and if you do know that you like her, do let her know. Then, she will not be angry at you.

Right now would also not be a good time to decide anything since this can be a rush of emotions since she is moving to another city. So, just stick to what already exists and time will tell what exists.

All the best!!

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