I'm not asking for advice on what to do to fix my relationship, I'm just asking how can I phrase my concerns correctly to avoid being seen as "pointing a finger" at my friend.
There's a boy (let's call him Bill), whom I've been friends with for several years (5 at least). We've always been interested in each other but nothing serious has ever happened between us, because we are in relationships with different people.
Bill is the closest thing I've ever had to a best friend; we can talk about anything and we've achieved a level of confidence that I never thought I was capable of feeling with another human being.
The problem lies in the fact that Bill's feelings for me have grown stronger with time, and I think we're both guilty because we're used to jokingly flirting with each other or pretending we're a couple when we hang out with other friends. He used to send me messages late at night confessing his feelings and telling me that our situation made him super sad on a daily basis, about 3 - 5 times a week I would receive messages like this.
The Trigger (It all started getting weird afterward)
Three days ago, our friend group had a reunion and we ended in Bill's house. Bill, another friend - Sam - and me were having a great time until Sam left the room we were hanging out in. He was absent for about 15 minutes, in this time we started throwing some pillows at each other and joking, everything was fine until a sad expression started showing up on his face. Long story short he ended up crying on my shoulder, again confessing his feelings, I just reassured him that I only see him as a friend and reminded him that he is in a relationship with a girl who loves him and blablabla.
We usually talk every day via voice chat on a server. Two days ago he entered the server and seemed okay but a little serious. He then started making passive-aggressive comments about me. I'm a very emotional person so I felt really bad and started crying. He didn't seem to notice this, so he kept going on with the bad comments. I couldn't handle it so I left the server.
Sam talked to Bill about what happened and Bill ended up sending a message saying he was sorry and that he wasn't mad at me or anything. Bill is a really unstable person (emotionally) so I just assumed he had had a bad day, but he apologized so I thought everything was fine.
But yesterday he completely ignored me while on a voice chat with other friends and hasn't talked to me since the incident (we used to talk for hours every day).
It really bothers me because I really appreciate our friendship and it would be horrible if it ends up destroyed by a dumb argument.
I've tried contacting him via text messages but he doesn't even open the messages. I'm really sensitive about my friends so his indifference is really REALLY hurting me. And what hurts me the most is that I've always been open with him and told him several times that if our friendship was bothering him because of the underlying feelings he has for me, I could give him space, or stop talking to him for a while until he gets over me. And he has always refused to stop talking.
- How can I properly phrase a short message to let him know that the situation is affecting me?
- Or, how could I address the issue via a voice call, avoiding "pointing a finger" at him for his behaviour?
My main goal is to avoid ruining the relationship, and clarify the situation to find a solution.
We're both 20 years old. Friends for more than 5 years. It's the FIRST time we have a problem (we get along pretty well). I've asked friends in common but it seems like he hasn't talked about this to them.