Need opinion to choose either Dad's Side or My Mom's Side during the Worst time [closed]

Question

I am writing this up, as I have got stuck as to whose side to choose.

I am 26 years old , working and earning 40K/month. My dad was in Defense Service and he got retired a month ago. My mom is a home maker.

We had bought a flat from the money which we had got by selling our village land. However, this money wasn't sufficient so we had left with no choice other than taking Home loan from the bank. I was not eligible to take the loan, but my dad was.

He agreed to take the loan but on a condition that I will pay the loan amount from my salary.

My dad made a legal contract for the same, and I signed it without even thinking anything because it was for everyone's good, and my dad had told that he will look after home expenses to a small little extent.

And now after my dads retirement , he left our Home, Us, Me, My mom thinking that we would take his Retirement Bonus money which would be only 20 lakhs (200,000)

I pay 25K for the loan amount and give 13K to my mom for home expenses. I keep approximately 1-2 K for my monthly expenses.

While all this was happening they even made me get married also. Now my mom thinks I won't look after her after some time, so she is going to divorce my dad so that she can at least get half of the pension amount which my dad is getting .

I don't know what to do, whom to approach, whose side to take.

I need them both together, I can't go against any one. What am I supposed to do?

Answer 1

This is a delicate matter.

We, random strangers on the internet, do not have access to other sides of your story, and therefore are not qualified to suggest picking any side.

This is what I gather.

Dad gets a retirement bonus, and he thinks you and your mom are out to grab that, so he leaves.

Mom is worried that you will leave her at her old age, and she's also worried about getting divorced.

You have loans to settle, and you want both mom and dad to stay with you and things to go back to normal.

This is what I suggest.

Ask some of your close family members to come over - members from both your dad's side and your mom's side.

They will have more information about the whole family situation. There may be a lot more going on than you know, because you're only 26, as you said.

Let there be an open discussion sitting down with family members. Sort it out. If things are getting into legal aspects, bring in a lawyer as well, preferably one who knows your family.

Answer 2

You don't have to choose between them.

Choose both.

No one is ever completely wrong, and no one is ever completely right. That's not something for humans to be.

One thing I'm not clear on, did your father leave home? If he did, are you sure that you know why?

Could it possibly be that he thinks you and your wife should have private time together?

Or do you mean he refused to accept his retirement money? Even though it looks like you mean that he is leaving home, I'm not sure.

Again, if that is the case, you should find out why. Maybe you should ask directly, or maybe not directly.

Or do you mean that he has decided to keep the retirement money all to himself?

(I'm not asking these questions randomly. It seems probable that the OP doesn't really fully understand the problem between his parents.

Even if he does, a very good strategy would be to assume he doesn't. Then he can do something like the following:)

At any rate, have you asked him, nicely, what his plans are? That's probably where I'd start.

Then maybe you could ask you mother what her plans are. Nicely, of course. Listen to both of them, and don't judge.

Maybe you could tell your parents that you need time to be alone with your wife, and ask them if they wouldn't mind spending a night in a hotel together every now and then so you and your wife can spend the night alone.

Even if your father is just wanting his retirement money, this sort of question may get him to rethink things.

And it would also give you all a chance to work over the finances so that everybody gets a fair deal in the end.

And NVZ's advice about having close family members join in the discussion would likely help.