Questions tagged [assertiveness]

For questions about being assertive and confident, without appearing to be aggressive. It means being able to defend your own rights in a calm and positive way.

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8
votes
1answer
710 views

Giving feedback to someone behaving impolitely

I live in an urban area where there are not enough parking spaces for all the apartments, so residents need to use street parking. Street parking space is scarce and coveted. There's a guy on our ...
2
votes
2answers
539 views

How to make sure to get non-alcoholic beer at a bar? [closed]

Sometimes I have to drive by car after going to a bar. Hence at these times I don't want to drink alcohol (even though driving after drinking a modest amount of alcohol is allowed where I live, I don'...
9
votes
1answer
533 views

How to encourage spouse to speak up more when making decisions?

We have been living together for 4 years and had our first baby 3 months ago. My wife is a very good mother. I am a straightforward guy and I speak up as soon as there is something that I think is ...
6
votes
1answer
460 views

Communicating that I don't appreciate being repeatedly pressed to do something

A close family member, Ann, has been trying to get me to do XYZ for years. She'll text me every now and then asking if I've done it yet. Every time we see each other she'll no doubt bring it up. She's ...
2
votes
1answer
498 views

How to decline giving details about my previous doctor's opinion when transitioning between two doctors?

I take a potentially toxic drug that is interacting with another drug (i.e. this is a high stakes situation). I am not happy with my current doctor's proposed method of addressing this interaction ...
4
votes
2answers
1k views

Communicating to my partner that I don't want to stop smoking

I (man, 30) have been smoking daily since 2012 (2 to 4 cigarettes/day). I do it only when there is no one I know around. I started dating a non-smoker (woman, 5 years younger than me) 6 years ago. We ...
4
votes
2answers
622 views

How can I help someone become more assertive?

My fiancee is what I would call "too nice". She's always trying to please everyone, which often leads to her taking a "grin and bear it" attitude when others expect too much of her. It doesn't matter ...
7
votes
1answer
293 views

Does including a reason when making an assertive request make it more effective?

I need to make an assertive request to my neighbours about making noise outside my bedroom early in the morning. I am ill at the moment, and being woken up early is more than just an annoyance, it ...
5
votes
2answers
588 views

How can I be assertive without being labeled as difficult?

A quick clarification: I've included the examples to illustrate situations in which I am having trouble being assertive. I am not looking for solutions to these two specific situations. I am more ...
0
votes
3answers
605 views

Rude behavior in canteen

In our work place there are around 1100 employees. Majority of them collectively gather in factory canteen during break and take their lunch.This canteen consists of a big hall with hundreds of ...
13
votes
3answers
1k views

Gently turning down undesired physical contact/setting boundaries in a nightclub environment

In many ways this question mirrors Asking a girl whether she would like to dance with me The setting: I am alone in a nightclub. I am located in a city/region known for being culturally progressive ...
46
votes
16answers
14k views

How to explain to coworkers that being vegan does not mean I know everything about it?

The other day, I was in a company meal with ~20 coworkers and someone offered me wine before adding: "At least you know this is vegan." (because I'm vegan). I don't like alcohol so I politely refused ...
108
votes
11answers
37k views

How to set personal hygiene standards with my boyfriend?

I love my boyfriend very deeply, and we have an awesome relationship but as a person I struggle to bring up criticisms of others in my life without "downplaying" what I'm trying to communicate. For ...
9
votes
4answers
2k views

How can I be more assertive when telling my family that I don't want to marry?

I am a 29 year old South Indian, been living abroad for sometime now, born into a conservative family that's religious and is society influenced/fearing in that what the society thinks matters a great ...
3
votes
3answers
693 views

A group of friends did something wrong, how to tell them without exaggerating, but still defending my position?

Context: A group of friends did something to me that was, to say the least, inconsiderate: We had an appointment in a certain place, let's call it A. I live in another city (this is a rather new ...
29
votes
7answers
11k views

How do I tell someone that something is not my responsibility anymore?

My godmother told me about her friend whose son needs tutoring in programming. I contacted this woman, and referred her to my boyfriend, whom I thought would be able to be of more help than I. I gave ...
6
votes
4answers
1k views

How to convince friends to assist me in telling a friend that we will be continuing with a group activity without him?

A group of my friends often play semi-long term strategy video games together online. These games often span several play sessions a couple of times a week over a few months. Recently, one of my ...
1
vote
2answers
559 views

Secrets spreading via the “don't tell anyone, but…” phenomenon [duplicate]

Yesterday, I received some news. My mother was quite affected when she heard it, so she shared it by mistake with a few of her friends at the spur of the moment. However, it's supposed to be top ...
53
votes
11answers
26k views

How do I get someone to call me by the name I prefer?

Let's say my name is Fred. My family and friends call me that and when I introduce myself I use that name. Well, of course you can imagine that I'm registered as Frederick, but nobody calls me that. I ...
31
votes
3answers
10k views

How to tell my usual plumber their service isn’t needed any more?

So my regular plumber who has serviced my boiler for several years has become quite unreliable lately (hard to get hold of and book) and I’ve booked someone else to do the annual service this year. ...
97
votes
17answers
31k views

How can I politely ask my date to not use her phone unnecessarily during dinner, without ruining the night out?

When I am on a dinner date with a girl (generally in her early twenties), how can I politely tell her that I am annoyed and feel disrespected when she unnecessarily uses her phone to send text ...
80
votes
15answers
22k views

How do I stress that having children is not an option when picking a date?

I have had some issues that have convinced me that I will never try and have/raise kids (either my own or those of someone else). This, however, leads to some serious problems when dating/having a ...
8
votes
3answers
2k views

How to react to clerks mocking me in the grocery store? [closed]

It was a time when I was struggling with my OCD, and as this felt like enough trouble, I lightheartedly let go of social norms. I wore my hair mid-length (under a baseball hat; I am male), as the ...
2
votes
4answers
300 views

How to get sibling to assist in room cleaning?

Background My brother and I, we share a room, have not had a good track record of keeping it clean. Usually he gets a cup of water before bed and leaves it somewhere in the room half full. He also ...
7
votes
5answers
2k views

How do I ask a close family friend who keeps delaying communication to pay me for the work I've done

Situation A close family friend who has given my brother a lot of photography work in the past offered me some work designing and implementing some new websites for a brand new business that she is ...
6
votes
4answers
301 views

How can I motivate the group to participate in the annoying small chores?

I think everyone knows about this one: You are in a team, a good team with lots going on and lots getting done. But not everything. The projects are challenging, you see the guys around you growing ...
41
votes
17answers
20k views

How can I tell my boyfriend “I told you so” without sounding too full of myself?

What I'm about to describe is in relation to this How can I tell a friend they need to help with what they promised because what they promised can't wait? My boyfriend and I decided to help out ...
24
votes
5answers
9k views

How can I ask my colleague to stop exploiting my name on projects I am not working on?

I have this co-worker, and since the day I met him, he has been great. He taught me many things and we've had a very friendly relationship. Now my goal here is not to ruin it, but since he is no ...
5
votes
3answers
2k views

I don't want a large birthday party. How can I let my friends know?

My birthday's approaching. It's not a milestone age or anything, but my friends and teammates (people I socialize, work or talk with every day, at meals, practice and study sessions) found out about ...
11
votes
2answers
2k views

How to get friends to take me seriously?

Usually, I come across as someone who often makes jokes and not very serious about things in my life. However, this has resulted in my friends not taking me seriously even when I want to tell them a ...
-7
votes
2answers
877 views

How to persuade someone who never replies promptly to email you, if they need more time? [closed]

Assumptions You can interact with only this person (e.g. a client, or the most senior person at a corporation who can help) whom I abbreviate CP (for counterparty). CP can't easily be telephoned, or ...
68
votes
14answers
19k views

Dealing with a person who continuously needs help

Background I have a "friend" who is currently employed at a job as a software developer. Unfortunately, this friend of mine isn't at all willing to look for solutions by themselves. They would rather ...
30
votes
8answers
10k views

How to politely answer someone who resists your request to escalate against him/her?

Difficulty: How do I deal with someone who won't escalate my complaint? Assumptions I'm the customer, and can't take business elsewhere; the other party (let's call them REP for Representative) ...
11
votes
5answers
2k views

How can I ask my close friend to stop taking selfies that include me and to delete the ones he has?

I am in a tug of war situation where I can't find a polite way to ask my friend not to take selfies or ask him to delete the ones he has taken even while I refused. He takes selfies while we are ...
38
votes
7answers
11k views

How to respond to “When are you getting married”?

My question is similar to: How can I respond when someone asks me when I'm going to get married to my girlfriend? But my case is pretty different. I am a teacher and hence can't avoid public and ...
33
votes
12answers
16k views

How to handle unwanted touching from my partner's friend during conversations?

My partner recently reunited with a friend "Bob" from high school, who has also recently been divorced from his wife of 25 years. He has been visiting us quite often lately and we do enjoy having him ...
27
votes
2answers
7k views

How to politely approach my neighbours about their excessively screaming child?

Context My neighbours have a child who is around 3 to 4 years old. The walls in my house are really thin, we can hear most things. Which is completely normal in an old terraced British house, but he ...