Questions tagged [assertiveness]
For questions about being assertive and confident, without appearing to be aggressive. It means being able to defend your own rights in a calm and positive way.
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How do I convey to a family member that the deadline for moving out is non-negotiable when they responded emotionally to a previous attempt?
Summary
Over Christmas my spouse and I took in a family member who needed somewhere to stay temporarily. They contacted us because we were (and still are) the only family who had a spare room and, ...
- 31
2
votes
2
answers
347
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How to be persistent but not annoying when dealing with property manager
I'm trying to get my property manager to move me (total household = me + minor child) from a 1 bedroom unit to a 2 bedroom unit. I actually thought this would be a simple request but it's not ...
- 21
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vote
1
answer
436
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How to deal with my project manager?
I've been a software developper at an IT company for the last 3.5 years now and I've pretty much enjoyed it so far. About 9 months ago, I've asked to work on another project as my former attributions ...
- 11
9
votes
1
answer
890
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Giving feedback to someone behaving impolitely
I live in an urban area where there are not enough parking spaces for all the apartments, so residents need to use street parking. Street parking space is scarce and coveted. There's a guy on our ...
- 191
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2
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668
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How to make sure to get non-alcoholic beer at a bar? [closed]
Sometimes I have to drive by car after going to a bar. Hence at these times I don't want to drink alcohol (even though driving after drinking a modest amount of alcohol is allowed where I live, I don'...
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1
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607
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How to encourage spouse to speak up more when making decisions?
We have been living together for 4 years and had our first baby 3 months ago. My wife is a very good mother.
I am a straightforward guy and I speak up as soon as there is something that I think is ...
- 103
6
votes
1
answer
491
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Communicating that I don't appreciate being repeatedly pressed to do something
A close family member, Ann, has been trying to get me to do XYZ for years. She'll text me every now and then asking if I've done it yet. Every time we see each other she'll no doubt bring it up. She's ...
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2
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How to decline giving details about my previous doctor's opinion when transitioning between two doctors?
I take a potentially toxic drug that is interacting with another drug (i.e. this is a high stakes situation). I am not happy with my current doctor's proposed method of addressing this interaction ...
- 133
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2k
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Communicating to my partner that I don't want to stop smoking
I (man, 30) have been smoking daily since 2012 (2 to 4 cigarettes/day). I do it only when there is no one I know around.
I started dating a non-smoker (woman, 5 years younger than me) 6 years ago. We ...
- 51
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How can I help someone become more assertive?
My fiancee is what I would call "too nice". She's always trying to please everyone, which often leads to her taking a "grin and bear it" attitude when others expect too much of her. It doesn't matter ...
- 9,042
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Does including a reason when making an assertive request make it more effective?
I need to make an assertive request to my neighbours about making noise outside my bedroom early in the morning.
I am ill at the moment, and being woken up early is more than just an annoyance, it ...
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How can I be assertive without being labeled as difficult?
A quick clarification:
I've included the examples to illustrate situations in which I am having trouble being assertive. I am not looking for solutions to these two specific situations. I am more ...
- 9,042
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3
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802
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Rude behavior in canteen
In our work place there are around 1100 employees. Majority of them collectively gather in factory canteen during break and take their lunch.This canteen consists of a big hall with hundreds of ...
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Gently turning down undesired physical contact/setting boundaries in a nightclub environment
In many ways this question mirrors Asking a girl whether she would like to dance with me
The setting: I am alone in a nightclub. I am located in a city/region known for being culturally progressive ...
- 1,514
46
votes
16
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15k
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How to explain to coworkers that being vegan does not mean I know everything about it?
The other day, I was in a company meal with ~20 coworkers and someone offered me wine before adding: "At least you know this is vegan." (because I'm vegan). I don't like alcohol so I ...
- 17.2k
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How to set personal hygiene standards with my boyfriend?
I love my boyfriend very deeply, and we have an awesome relationship but as a person I struggle to bring up criticisms of others in my life without "downplaying" what I'm trying to communicate.
For ...
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How can I be more assertive when telling my family that I don't want to marry?
I am a 29 year old South Indian, been living abroad for sometime now, born into a conservative family that's religious and is society influenced/fearing in that what the society thinks matters a great ...
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A group of friends did something wrong, how to tell them without exaggerating, but still defending my position?
Context:
A group of friends did something to me that was, to say the least, inconsiderate: We had an appointment in a certain place, let's call it A.
I live in another city (this is a rather new ...
- 31
28
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7
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16k
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How do I tell someone that something is not my responsibility anymore?
My godmother told me about her friend whose son needs tutoring in programming. I contacted this woman, and referred her to my boyfriend, whom I thought would be able to be of more help than I. I gave ...
user14389
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4
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How to convince friends to assist me in telling a friend that we will be continuing with a group activity without him?
A group of my friends often play semi-long term strategy video games together online. These games often span several play sessions a couple of times a week over a few months. Recently, one of my ...
- 2,632
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Secrets spreading via the "don't tell anyone, but..." phenomenon [duplicate]
Yesterday, I received some news. My mother was quite affected when she heard it, so she shared it by mistake with a few of her friends at the spur of the moment. However, it's supposed to be top ...
54
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11
answers
44k
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How do I get someone to call me by the name I prefer?
Let's say my name is Fred. My family and friends call me that and when I introduce myself I use that name. Well, of course you can imagine that I'm registered as Frederick, but nobody calls me that. I ...
- 2,612
31
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3
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How to tell my usual plumber their service isn’t needed any more?
So my regular plumber who has serviced my boiler for several years has become quite unreliable lately (hard to get hold of and book) and I’ve booked someone else to do the annual service this year.
...
user2356
98
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17
answers
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How can I politely ask my date to not use her phone unnecessarily during dinner, without ruining the night out?
When I am on a dinner date with a girl (generally in her early twenties), how can I politely tell her that I am annoyed and feel disrespected when she unnecessarily uses her phone to send text ...
80
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15
answers
23k
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How do I stress that having children is not an option when picking a date?
I have had some issues that have convinced me that I will never try and have/raise kids (either my own or those of someone else).
This, however, leads to some serious problems when dating/having a ...
- 33.8k
8
votes
3
answers
2k
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How to react to clerks mocking me in the grocery store? [closed]
It was a time when I was struggling with my OCD, and as this felt like enough trouble, I lightheartedly let go of social norms. I wore my hair mid-length (under a baseball hat; I am male), as the ...
- 99
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4
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How to get sibling to assist in room cleaning?
Background
My brother and I, we share a room, have not had a good track record of keeping it clean. Usually he gets a cup of water before bed and leaves it somewhere in the room half full. He also ...
7
votes
5
answers
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How do I ask a close family friend who keeps delaying communication to pay me for the work I've done
Situation
A close family friend who has given my brother a lot of photography work in the past offered me some work designing and implementing some new websites for a brand new business that she is ...
- 233
6
votes
4
answers
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How can I motivate the group to participate in the annoying small chores?
I think everyone knows about this one: You are in a team, a good team with lots going on and lots getting done. But not everything.
The projects are challenging, you see the guys around you growing ...
- 4,739
41
votes
17
answers
21k
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How can I tell my boyfriend "I told you so" without sounding too full of myself?
What I'm about to describe is in relation to this
How can I tell a friend they need to help with what they promised because what they promised can't wait?
My boyfriend and I decided to help out ...
- 7,496
24
votes
5
answers
10k
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How can I ask my colleague to stop exploiting my name on projects I am not working on?
I have this co-worker, and since the day I met him, he has been great. He taught me many things and we've had a very friendly relationship. Now my goal here is not to ruin it, but since he is no ...
- 906
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I don't want a large birthday party. How can I let my friends know?
My birthday's approaching. It's not a milestone age or anything, but my friends and teammates (people I socialize, work or talk with every day, at meals, practice and study sessions) found out about ...
- 9,005
11
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2
answers
3k
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How to get friends to take me seriously?
Usually, I come across as someone who often makes jokes and not very serious about things in my life. However, this has resulted in my friends not taking me seriously even when I want to tell them a ...
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68
votes
14
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19k
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Dealing with a person who continuously needs help
Background
I have a "friend" who is currently employed at a job as a software developer. Unfortunately, this friend of mine isn't at all willing to look for solutions by themselves. They would rather ...
user2099
31
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7
answers
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How to politely answer someone who resists your request to escalate against him/her?
Difficulty: How do I deal with someone who won't escalate my complaint?
Assumptions
I'm the customer, and can't take business elsewhere; the other party (let's call them REP for Representative) works ...
user2423
12
votes
5
answers
3k
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How can I ask my close friend to stop taking selfies that include me and to delete the ones he has?
I am in a tug of war situation where I can't find a polite way to ask my friend not to take selfies or ask him to delete the ones he has taken even while I refused.
He takes selfies while we are ...
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votes
8
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21k
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How to respond to "When are you getting married"?
My question is similar to: How can I respond when someone asks me when I'm going to get married to my girlfriend?
But my case is pretty different. I am a teacher and hence can't avoid public and ...
- 1,746
33
votes
12
answers
20k
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How to handle unwanted touching from my partner's friend during conversations?
My partner recently reunited with a friend "Bob" from high school, who has also recently been divorced from his wife of 25 years. He has been visiting us quite often lately and we do enjoy having him ...
- 7,496
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2
answers
10k
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How to politely approach my neighbours about their excessively screaming child?
Context
My neighbours have a child who is around 3 to 4 years old. The walls in my house are really thin, we can hear most things. Which is completely normal in an old terraced British house, but he ...
- 9,769