Questions tagged [autism-spectrum]

For questions relating to or asked by people on the autism spectrum (this includes what was previously known as "Asperger", as well as "high functioning" and "low functioning" autism).

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2 votes
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87 views

How do I help my wife to see her potential?

My wife comes from a background of a controlling, abusive mother who always told her that she was incapable, and then a controlling, abusive (now former) husband who always told her that she was ...
1 vote
3 answers
480 views

How can I adjust my communication style while communicating to NTs so that what I am trying to convey comes across clearly?

As an autistic person, I have noticed that when I speak directly, in a flat voice; often this can be perceived as threatening or trying to challenge the status quo - when I'm simply asking for the ...
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6 votes
0 answers
441 views

How can I do mirroring online, similar to my mirroring in person?

TLDR: I'd like to be able to use mirroring online, similar to how I do this in person, and change my communication style online so that it will be more well-received by people, and be more similar to ...
  • 79
2 votes
1 answer
296 views

How to handle a person joining a conversation by asking a question you just answered?

I ran into this issue multiple times and I don't know how to act. For context: communicating in groups does not come naturally to me, so I often rely on skills I learned over time and not everyone may ...
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6 votes
1 answer
914 views

Do emojis help autists recognize feelings?

Lately read an article about emojis and how inferior they are supposed to be in comparison to facial expression and tone of voice. (The article is in German, probably paywalled, and not really ...
  • 201
12 votes
2 answers
920 views

Why is it considered bad form to break up with someone over written text?

I am autistic and, when I was a teenager (10 years ago), I had always heard that it was "rude" to break up with someone over text. However, I never understood why. What's wrong with ...
  • 17.2k
5 votes
2 answers
799 views

How can I help my autistic son with unrealistic life ambitions

My son is in his early 20’s and is on the autistic spectrum. He has seen his older sibling and cousins go to university, learn how to drive and move out of home to live with their partners. He now ...
3 votes
2 answers
735 views

How can I get my mom to compromise and not use her total authority?

I am a 19-year-old autistic male that currently works as a Software Engineering apprentice. I live in a small village in the middle of Bavaria. Even though I got officially diagnosed - secretly - as I ...
user avatar
3 votes
2 answers
1k views

How, as in "what way", am I expected to go about using a dating app correctly?

A bit of a weird question, I know, but I feel I need this spelled out. When a person sits down and logs onto an app like Tinder, what exactly, more or less step by step, does Tinder expect them to do? ...
2 votes
2 answers
542 views

How do I get to the point of asking questions and getting answers?

No matter what I say or do, I am truly just always asking questions about what I do not understand to people who are capable of helping me understand what I need to know about that topic, and no one ...
49 votes
8 answers
13k views

Active listening in casual conversation: why does it not work?

I’m on the spectrum. Language doesn’t always come as naturally to me as to others. I often have a need to confirm I understand the conversation partner, for which I use active listening techniques ...
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7 votes
1 answer
705 views

How to tell someone that I'm on the autism spectrum while mitigating the risk of not been believed?

I'm on the autism spectrum. My manager knows about that but my coworkers don't. I have been working here for a little more than a year and not telling my coworkers that I'm on the spectrum is really ...
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4 votes
2 answers
1k views

My autistic roommate requests plenty of hugs, but they make me uncomfortable. How do I approach this?

I have an autistic roommate - and he is incredibly smart and a genuinely good guy. However, he frequently asks me for hugs and it makes me uncomfortable, unfortunately. His hugs are very long and ...
12 votes
1 answer
2k views

How could I have better handled telling this minority woman I liked her cultural hairstyle?

Background This happened in Netherlands. I have some mixed ancestry. I mostly look like a Dutch person, except for my curly bush of hair and my olive skin. In school I got bullied a lot because of my ...
  • 8,020
19 votes
2 answers
4k views

How can I communicate to my mother that her complaints about me make me feel like I'm not enough?

(and never will be) I'm on the autism spectrum and often feel overwhelmingly fatigued and tired. My mother, on the other hand, has a lot of energy and is always doing a million things. From time to ...
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5 votes
3 answers
1k views

How to explain that some of my difficulties won't improve with my effort or by their teasing?

update: this question is about not pushing me harder for indirect hints. it's not exactly on sensory issue I'm on the autism spectrum. In a particular classroom, a gang of people started to get ...
7 votes
2 answers
832 views

Asking to be made aware of a surprise because of anxiety issues

I'm on the autism spectrum and I have anxiety issues. Doing unknown things in an unknown place terrifies me. From time to time (~twice a year) my workplace would organize a "team-building" ...
  • 17.2k
52 votes
11 answers
17k views

How can women avoid talking during dates while keeping men at ease?

I am a 30 year old American woman. A few years ago, I read online that men and women communicate differently, specifically that men do not like to talk face to face and women like to talk face to face....
57 votes
8 answers
14k views

How can I more clearly ask people to accommodate for my autism?

I've got autism. This isn't always clear to people*. Sometimes I need accommodations for a sensory issue to participate in a normal way. One time, there was a colleague with a strong aftershave, for ...
  • 8,020
42 votes
4 answers
6k views

Showing a homeless person that you care about their well-being

Every day, when I go to work, I pass by a homeless person. At first, I just waved hello to them, but now I shake hands with them and, when doing that, they will start asking me questions (like "how ...
  • 17.2k
4 votes
1 answer
405 views

What is the proper way to disclose ASD so that people do not tell "You don't look autistic"? [closed]

Related to this but when on a due circumstance autism diagnosis requires to be disclosed. Such as workplace bullying or public transport or an abusive work environment or to claim a government ...
3 votes
2 answers
2k views

How to ask my manager for a part-time?

I'm currently working as a full-time QA engineer. I have been working here for a little less than a year. I'm on the autism spectrum with tiredness issues and working full time is just too much for me....
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8 votes
2 answers
849 views

How can I talk with these people that I owe money to solve the situation?

Background First, about me. I've got Asperger's and (social) anxiety. I started my first job after college a bit over a year ago and moved into a nice apartment with a fully furnished kitchen and ...
  • 8,020
12 votes
1 answer
975 views

How to communicate to my spouse I can't stand unexpected touch without hurting their feelings?

TL;DR I've recently learned about my autism and still need to understand what it means. I have struggle being touched when I don't expect it and it hurts my spouse when I already tried to explain to ...
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4 votes
2 answers
553 views

Asking my sibling to not tease me about a specific subject

This weekend, I was with my sister (we are both around 25 years old and I'm the youngest). The first day, she learned something about me and started teasing me about it. The second day, we were ...
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3 votes
2 answers
959 views

How to invite my colleagues to an at-home goodbye party when they usually organize them in a bar?

I'll leave for a new job in a month. When some of my colleagues left the team for another one (but still remained in the company, which means we hang out around coffee regularly, it's not like they ...
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2 votes
1 answer
659 views

How to deal with 'It sucks, just deal with it' when asking for support

Oftentimes when I don't know how to deal with a situation, I'd like to talk to someone about how I feel about it. In this case, I am fishing for one of several things: Advice on how to approach the ...
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23 votes
5 answers
3k views

Why do people expect me to feel exactly the same as they do?

Background My fiancee and I recently had a small argument over the following text exchange F: I wish I could have seen you tonight. Me: I would have liked to see you tonight too. F: I always want to ...
  • 9,042
8 votes
1 answer
822 views

How can I apologize to coworker while avoiding another lecture?

My colleague Tom has been making me feel bad over a computer game. He's been insulting me and my ability to play this game, both during the game and at work. More info at my previous question: ...
  • 8,020
5 votes
2 answers
715 views

How can I be assertive without being labeled as difficult?

A quick clarification: I've included the examples to illustrate situations in which I am having trouble being assertive. I am not looking for solutions to these two specific situations. I am more ...
  • 9,042
9 votes
3 answers
1k views

Telling my boss that I have tiredness issues

I'm a junior IT engineer who was recently hired by a company. I'm from France and my probation isn't over yet (two to four months left to go). I'm also on the autism spectrum (the people at my work ...
  • 17.2k
12 votes
3 answers
962 views

How to improve relationship with a co-worker who does not speak to me?

A little history: I was hired onto this team a few years ago. The subteam I'm on has several people: the project lead (Jim), the co-worker I'm asking about (let's call her Mary), and others including ...
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14 votes
5 answers
4k views

"But you don't look autistic" isn't a nice thing to say

"But you don't look autistic" (meaning: "you don't behave like an autistic person") is a sentence that a lot of neurotypical people (NT) say to people on the autistic spectrum (...
  • 17.2k
2 votes
0 answers
199 views

Taking space and engaging in casual group conversations [closed]

I often have difficulties taking space in casual group conversations, like when I go to the pub after work with a couple of friends or similar, even though I'm completely comfortable with the company. ...
14 votes
6 answers
2k views

What is an alternative to brutal honesty that doesn't involve lying?

I have been criticised on more than one occasion by friends and romantic partners for being "too honest". An example of this might be someone asking me if a dress looks good, and I will say if I think ...
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8 votes
3 answers
923 views

Explaining to my boss that I didn't attend a company social event due to tiredness issues

TL;DR: I didn't participate in the Christmas work meal, how to say that it was because I have tiredness issues without sounding like a bad recruit? I'm newly hired in a company and I'm still on ...
  • 17.2k
7 votes
2 answers
3k views

How to acknowledge an apology without saying thanks

Someone has recognised that their behaviour toward me was unacceptable. What can I say that acknowledge the have apologised without thanking them for it? I'm stuck with : "Thanks, I appreciate ...
10 votes
3 answers
908 views

How do I use body language to indicate that I am thinking?

My Problem When people give me large amounts of information, I will take plenty of time to process it before giving a response. The amount of time I take usually ranges from 30 seconds to a few ...
  • 9,042
16 votes
2 answers
1k views

What non-verbal communication can I use to ask if someone want physical comfort?

Sometimes, someone will talk to you about a very emotional and/or difficult topic. In this scenario, you are supposed to give comfort to the person with whom you are talking. As someone on the ...
  • 17.2k
8 votes
4 answers
2k views

How do I tell my aunt that I need some time off?

Background I'm someone that isn't really social and social gatherings tend to be very tiring for me (this is at least partially due to the fact that I'm on the autism spectrum). I have noticed that ...
  • 17.2k
8 votes
3 answers
1k views

Could expressed attraction be an absolute prevention of someone feeling attraction to me?

For as long as I can remember having first experienced love I've had trouble finding a partner and building a strong relationship. More so, the only relationships I found, followed the pattern, that ...
  • 2,552
5 votes
3 answers
781 views

Going to live in someone else's house--how to ask for rules?

Background I have found a new job in another city. While I'm looking for an apartment I will be living in my cousin's house. I have never lived in her house before (and I have been at her house for ...
  • 17.2k
20 votes
7 answers
12k views

How do you tell a Facebook friend that they might be on the autism spectrum?

TL;DR How do I tell this Facebook friend that they might be on the autism spectrum without being too intrusive? Background I have this Facebook friend that I care deeply about and with whom I interact ...
  • 17.2k
7 votes
3 answers
1k views

How to get a friend with Asperger's to engage in more of a mutual conversation

So I've known this girl as a stranger for years and this past week we actually interacted and chatted for an hour. She told me a lot about herself, and expressed interest in hanging out the next time ...
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2 votes
1 answer
910 views

How do I interpret this situation my crush has given me? [closed]

Please reword if necessary My crush (same one as in one of my other questions) is now a good friend of mine. She certainly does like me as a friend, and I want to remain as her friend but I also have ...
  • 1,146
9 votes
5 answers
1k views

How do I ask others to more quickly let me know about social mistakes I make?

I recently suffered a bit of a fallout in a teaching group I'm frequently a participant in. This was because I kept making brutally honest criticisms about their style of teaching (e.g. "your teaching ...
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29 votes
4 answers
5k views

I am very close to breaking up with my girlfriend for selfish reasons; how do I talk to her about our relationship?

I started dating this girl just over a year ago. We first met 7 years ago at college; we were only acquaintances back then. Fast forward a few years, we recognized each other at a work party and ...
user avatar
34 votes
15 answers
10k views

How to encourage a child with autism to practice reading?

I'm asking on behalf of friends of mine who have a daughter who is diagnosed with "high functioning" autism. Let's call her Jane. Jane went to a regular primary school but couldn't learn in this ...
  • 6,087
49 votes
4 answers
9k views

How can I politely reject someone's advances?

I am a high functioning autistic woman and I recently went to a meet up for other autistic people and met a guy. I let him add me on facebook and we talked a little bit and he tried to ask me out ...
  • 755
29 votes
4 answers
2k views

How to address fallout from my meltdowns and to avoid ruining social relationships

The problem While I am a very high functioning autistic and can act "normal" most of the time. Most people don't know I have autism, esp at work or other controlled situations so it's not a problem ...
user avatar