Questions tagged [autism-spectrum]

For questions relating to or asked by people on the autism spectrum.

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3
votes
2answers
510 views

How can I get my mom to compromise and not use her total authority?

I am a 19-year-old autistic male that currently works as a Software Engineering apprentice. I live in a small village in the middle of Bavaria. Even though I got officially diagnosed - secretly - as I ...
3
votes
2answers
861 views

How, as in “what way”, am I expected to go about using a dating app correctly?

A bit of a weird question, I know, but I feel I need this spelled out. When a person sits down and logs onto an app like Tinder, what exactly, more or less step by step, does Tinder expect them to do? ...
2
votes
1answer
239 views

How do I get to the point of asking questions and getting answers?

No matter what I say or do, I am truly just always asking questions about what I do not understand to people who are capable of helping me understand what I need to know about that topic, and no one ...
29
votes
4answers
4k views

I am very close to breaking up with my girlfriend for selfish reasons; how do I talk to her about our relationship?

I started dating this girl just over a year ago. We first met 7 years ago at college; we were only acquaintances back then. Fast forward a few years, we recognized each other at a work party and ...
14
votes
3answers
2k views

How to help a friend who has faced several personal, related problems in a short timespan

For what it's worth, this friend (I'll call him Jon) has Asperger's. The problems Lately, Jon's life has been a rollercoaster of emotions. It all started when his mom (I'll call her Jane), after ...
34
votes
15answers
9k views

How to encourage a child with autism to practice reading?

I'm asking on behalf of friends of mine who have a daughter who is diagnosed with "high functioning" autism. Let's call her Jane. Jane went to a regular primary school but couldn't learn in this ...
49
votes
8answers
13k views

Active listening in casual conversation: why does it not work?

I’m on the spectrum. Language doesn’t always come as naturally to me as to others. I often have a need to confirm I understand the conversation partner, for which I use active listening techniques ...
12
votes
5answers
4k views

“But you don't look autistic” isn't a nice thing to say

"But you don't look autistic" (meaning: "you don't behave like an autistic person") is a sentence that a lot of neurotypical people (NT) say to people on the autistic spectrum (...
7
votes
1answer
633 views

How to tell someone that I'm on the autism spectrum while mitigating the risk of not been believed?

I'm on the autism spectrum. My manager knows about that but my coworkers don't. I have been working here for a little more than a year and not telling my coworkers that I'm on the spectrum is really ...
4
votes
2answers
1k views

My autistic roommate requests plenty of hugs, but they make me uncomfortable. How do I approach this?

I have an autistic roommate - and he is incredibly smart and a genuinely good guy. However, he frequently asks me for hugs and it makes me uncomfortable, unfortunately. His hugs are very long and ...
12
votes
1answer
2k views

How could I have better handled telling this minority woman I liked her cultural hairstyle?

Background This happened in Netherlands. I have some mixed ancestry. I mostly look like a Dutch person, except for my curly bush of hair and my olive skin. In school I got bullied a lot because of my ...
19
votes
2answers
4k views

How can I communicate to my mother that her complaints about me make me feel like I'm not enough?

(and never will be) I'm on the autism spectrum and often feel overwhelmingly fatigued and tired. My mother, on the other hand, has a lot of energy and is always doing a million things. From time to ...
7
votes
2answers
787 views

Asking to be made aware of a surprise because of anxiety issues

I'm on the autism spectrum and I have anxiety issues. Doing unknown things in an unknown place terrifies me. From time to time (~twice a year) my workplace would organize a "team-building" ...
4
votes
3answers
943 views

How to explain that some of my difficulties won't improve with my effort or by their teasing?

update: this question is about not pushing me harder for indirect hints. it's not exactly on sensory issue I'm on the autism spectrum. In a particular classroom, a gang of people started to get ...
50
votes
11answers
16k views

How can women avoid talking during dates while keeping men at ease?

I am a 30 year old American woman. A few years ago, I read online that men and women communicate differently, specifically that men do not like to talk face to face and women like to talk face to face....
56
votes
8answers
14k views

How can I more clearly ask people to accommodate for my autism?

I've got autism. This isn't always clear to people*. Sometimes I need accommodations for a sensory issue to participate in a normal way. One time, there was a colleague with a strong aftershave, for ...
40
votes
4answers
6k views

Showing a homeless person that you care about their well-being

Every day, when I go to work, I pass by a homeless person. At first, I just waved hello to them, but now I shake hands with them and, when doing that, they will start asking me questions (like "how ...
112
votes
10answers
63k views

How to convince my wife that my best friend and I are just friends?

I have a friend (a woman), who I met around 8 months ago. Since then, she has become my best friend and we are extremely close. Understandably, my wife is envious of the relationship and even ...
4
votes
2answers
1k views

How to ask my manager for a part-time?

I'm currently working as a full-time QA engineer. I have been working here for a little less than a year. I'm on the autism spectrum with tiredness issues and working full time is just too much for me....
23
votes
5answers
2k views

Why do people expect me to feel exactly the same as they do?

Background My fiancee and I recently had a small argument over the following text exchange F: I wish I could have seen you tonight. Me: I would have liked to see you tonight too. F: I always want to ...
4
votes
1answer
376 views

What is the proper way to disclose ASD so that people do not tell “You don't look autistic”? [closed]

Related to this but when on a due circumstance autism diagnosis requires to be disclosed. Such as workplace bullying or public transport or an abusive work environment or to claim a government ...
19
votes
8answers
18k views

Message being seen but not responded, what is the correct response?

I will sometimes ask a friend how their day was or another question via chat message. Sometimes the message will be marked as read but then they don't respond for a few day or even longer (6 months). ...
8
votes
2answers
800 views

How can I talk with these people that I owe money to solve the situation?

Background First, about me. I've got Asperger's and (social) anxiety. I started my first job after college a bit over a year ago and moved into a nice apartment with a fully furnished kitchen and ...
12
votes
1answer
907 views

How to communicate to my spouse I can't stand unexpected touch without hurting their feelings?

TL;DR I've recently learned about my autism and still need to understand what it means. I have struggle being touched when I don't expect it and it hurts my spouse when I already tried to explain to ...
4
votes
2answers
514 views

Asking my sibling to not tease me about a specific subject

This weekend, I was with my sister (we are both around 25 years old and I'm the youngest). The first day, she learned something about me and started teasing me about it. The second day, we were ...
14
votes
4answers
2k views

How do I explain to extended family/acquaintances that my husband has high-functioning Autism, and has particular habits?

So, I have been married since March 2018 to my loving husband. All through our relationship, I have known that he has mild aspergers, combined with being very introverted and deaf (I am deaf as well) ...
3
votes
2answers
775 views

How to invite my colleagues to an at-home goodbye party when they usually organize them in a bar?

I'll leave for a new job in a month. When some of my colleagues left the team for another one (but still remained in the company, which means we hang out around coffee regularly, it's not like they ...
20
votes
2answers
3k views

How can I encourage discussion of sensitive topics with my girlfriend?

Background I have been dating my girlfriend for about three months. We are both in our mid 20s, grew up in the mid-western United States, and now live in New York City. She has defined boundaries for ...
72
votes
11answers
21k views

How do I tell a potential partner about my autism?

Background I recently met a woman on a dating app and we hit it off. Last night we went on our first date, which went very well and we are planning to go out again. I am interested in potentially ...
2
votes
1answer
615 views

How to deal with 'It sucks, just deal with it' when asking for support

Oftentimes when I don't know how to deal with a situation, I'd like to talk to someone about how I feel about it. In this case, I am fishing for one of several things: Advice on how to approach the ...
11
votes
2answers
3k views

How to confess severe mistakes to family?

I committed a grave error four years ago, I cannot exactly tell what is about, but is something that I must never do. My sister had already done the same thing before me, but no one had a knowledge ...
16
votes
2answers
1k views

What non-verbal communication can I use to ask if someone want physical comfort?

Sometimes, someone will talk to you about a very emotional and/or difficult topic. In this scenario, you are supposed to give comfort to the person with whom you are talking. As someone on the ...
29
votes
4answers
2k views

How to address fallout from my meltdowns and to avoid ruining social relationships

The problem While I am a very high functioning autistic and can act "normal" most of the time. Most people don't know I have autism, esp at work or other controlled situations so it's not a problem ...
8
votes
1answer
773 views

How can I apologize to coworker while avoiding another lecture?

My colleague Tom has been making me feel bad over a computer game. He's been insulting me and my ability to play this game, both during the game and at work. More info at my previous question: ...
37
votes
5answers
3k views

Talking to the parents of an adult autistic student

I have an adult, autistic student who I have tutored weekly in programming since about November. His parents would like this tutoring to result in him being able to work as an entry-level programmer, ...
5
votes
2answers
657 views

How can I be assertive without being labeled as difficult?

A quick clarification: I've included the examples to illustrate situations in which I am having trouble being assertive. I am not looking for solutions to these two specific situations. I am more ...
9
votes
3answers
1k views

Telling my boss that I have tiredness issues

I'm a junior IT engineer who was recently hired by a company. I'm from France and my probation isn't over yet (two to four months left to go). I'm also on the autism spectrum (the people at my work ...
8
votes
3answers
890 views

Explaining to my boss that I didn't attend a company social event due to tiredness issues

TL;DR: I didn't participate in the Christmas work meal, how to say that it was because I have tiredness issues without sounding like a bad recruit? I'm newly hired in a company and I'm still on ...
12
votes
3answers
912 views

How to improve relationship with a co-worker who does not speak to me?

A little history: I was hired onto this team a few years ago. The subteam I'm on has several people: the project lead (Jim), the co-worker I'm asking about (let's call her Mary), and others including ...
14
votes
6answers
2k views

What is an alternative to brutal honesty that doesn't involve lying?

I have been criticised on more than one occasion by friends and romantic partners for being "too honest". An example of this might be someone asking me if a dress looks good, and I will say if I think ...
2
votes
0answers
188 views

Taking space and engaging in casual group conversations [closed]

I often have difficulties taking space in casual group conversations, like when I go to the pub after work with a couple of friends or similar, even though I'm completely comfortable with the company. ...
19
votes
4answers
5k views

How to have a talk with a coworker I'm scared of?

First off: I tagged this as Asperger since having Asperger's makes me have trouble understanding others' motivations, thoughts, and interests, as long as they differ from mine. That means, to ...
34
votes
6answers
9k views

How to open up to someone about loving them, when you don't know if they love you back?

I feel attracted to someone. I did have a relationship with her before (we were little children at that time, 5-7 years old), but we couldn't continue because of age and distance. We are both ...
7
votes
2answers
2k views

How to acknowledge an apology without saying thanks

Someone has recognised that their behaviour toward me was unacceptable. What can I say that acknowledge the have apologised without thanking them for it? I'm stuck with : "Thanks, I appreciate ...
8
votes
4answers
2k views

How do I tell my aunt that I need some time off?

Background I'm someone that isn't really social and social gatherings tend to be very tiring for me (this is at least partially due to the fact that I'm on the autism spectrum). I have noticed that ...
10
votes
3answers
799 views

How do I use body language to indicate that I am thinking?

My Problem When people give me large amounts of information, I will take plenty of time to process it before giving a response. The amount of time I take usually ranges from 30 seconds to a few ...
10
votes
4answers
4k views

Why do people flirt in customer service situations? [closed]

I ran into this twice today with two different customers and it's a little strange to me. I almost thought it was just me being aspie and misreading the situation when it happened yesterday, but after ...
9
votes
5answers
1k views

How do I ask others to more quickly let me know about social mistakes I make?

I recently suffered a bit of a fallout in a teaching group I'm frequently a participant in. This was because I kept making brutally honest criticisms about their style of teaching (e.g. "your teaching ...
24
votes
2answers
2k views

How to reduce the risk of people interpret me implying things, when I never intended to?

I have Asperger's Syndrome. I'm an aspie. I am naturally inclined to say things literally and take things literally, but I have learned most neurotypicals communicate differently, and as a minority, ...
7
votes
3answers
974 views

How to get a friend with Asperger's to engage in more of a mutual conversation

So I've known this girl as a stranger for years and this past week we actually interacted and chatted for an hour. She told me a lot about herself, and expressed interest in hanging out the next time ...