Questions tagged [autism-spectrum]

For questions relating to or asked by people on the autism spectrum.

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112
votes
10answers
63k views

How to convince my wife that my best friend and I are just friends?

I have a friend (a woman), who I met around 8 months ago. Since then, she has become my best friend and we are extremely close. Understandably, my wife is envious of the relationship and even ...
112
votes
15answers
32k views

How can I handle my father challenging everything I say?

I live with my parents. My father likes to challenge nearly everything I say, up to the point of ridiculousness. I can prove many of the things he challenges but not immediately. In most cases his ...
87
votes
8answers
24k views

Dealing with somebody who's ignoring my very existence

Background I have a group of friends, and we've known each other for about 7 years now. We once all were colleagues. One of these friends, Alice, has an autism spectrum disorder. This friend got ...
72
votes
11answers
21k views

How do I tell a potential partner about my autism?

Background I recently met a woman on a dating app and we hit it off. Last night we went on our first date, which went very well and we are planning to go out again. I am interested in potentially ...
56
votes
8answers
14k views

How can I more clearly ask people to accommodate for my autism?

I've got autism. This isn't always clear to people*. Sometimes I need accommodations for a sensory issue to participate in a normal way. One time, there was a colleague with a strong aftershave, for ...
56
votes
7answers
15k views

How do I tell my close-ones that I don't appreciate it when they say I look like a bird?

While I ultimately believe that my family and friends love me and would never do anything to intentionally hurt me, there is a certain culture among my immediate and extended family members and my ...
50
votes
11answers
16k views

How can women avoid talking during dates while keeping men at ease?

I am a 30 year old American woman. A few years ago, I read online that men and women communicate differently, specifically that men do not like to talk face to face and women like to talk face to face....
49
votes
8answers
13k views

Active listening in casual conversation: why does it not work?

I’m on the spectrum. Language doesn’t always come as naturally to me as to others. I often have a need to confirm I understand the conversation partner, for which I use active listening techniques ...
49
votes
4answers
8k views

How can I politely reject someone's advances?

I am a high functioning autistic woman and I recently went to a meet up for other autistic people and met a guy. I let him add me on facebook and we talked a little bit and he tried to ask me out ...
46
votes
10answers
20k views

Boyfriend always responds “I didn't mean to” when he gets feedback [closed]

My boyfriend (been together 4 years) will always respond with "I didn't mean to!", when someone points out to him he did something wrong. It always sounds slightly accusatory when he says it, like he ...
44
votes
16answers
13k views

Is it socially acceptable to dismiss a compliment? [closed]

Sometimes I get compliments like: "good job on making that website" or that I look nice or something. I often say that much more people look better or I could have done the site better, or even saying ...
40
votes
4answers
6k views

Showing a homeless person that you care about their well-being

Every day, when I go to work, I pass by a homeless person. At first, I just waved hello to them, but now I shake hands with them and, when doing that, they will start asking me questions (like "how ...
38
votes
6answers
12k views

Rebuffing a former friend's (now a convicted criminal) attempts to restore friendship

I used to have a friend who I would fairly regularly see - usually for lunch. A few details about this individual: Very quiet and shy Is a high-functioning autistic individual Socially awkward We ...
37
votes
5answers
3k views

Talking to the parents of an adult autistic student

I have an adult, autistic student who I have tutored weekly in programming since about November. His parents would like this tutoring to result in him being able to work as an entry-level programmer, ...
34
votes
15answers
9k views

How to encourage a child with autism to practice reading?

I'm asking on behalf of friends of mine who have a daughter who is diagnosed with "high functioning" autism. Let's call her Jane. Jane went to a regular primary school but couldn't learn in this ...
34
votes
6answers
9k views

How to open up to someone about loving them, when you don't know if they love you back?

I feel attracted to someone. I did have a relationship with her before (we were little children at that time, 5-7 years old), but we couldn't continue because of age and distance. We are both ...
29
votes
4answers
2k views

How to address fallout from my meltdowns and to avoid ruining social relationships

The problem While I am a very high functioning autistic and can act "normal" most of the time. Most people don't know I have autism, esp at work or other controlled situations so it's not a problem ...
29
votes
4answers
4k views

I am very close to breaking up with my girlfriend for selfish reasons; how do I talk to her about our relationship?

I started dating this girl just over a year ago. We first met 7 years ago at college; we were only acquaintances back then. Fast forward a few years, we recognized each other at a work party and ...
28
votes
7answers
8k views

How to accept an apology, without implying that there was no problem?

An older man barges into me. While I think he could have prevented that, I don't assume he had any bad intentions. He then apologizes and I want to accept the apology, but how? Just saying "It's OK" ...
27
votes
9answers
11k views

How can I talk to my Partner about what she would rather do?

I feel like I can't correctly ascertain what my significant other would rather do. We have had a rocky relationship as she is rather introverted, while I'm more needy, and while we talked and ...
25
votes
3answers
4k views

How can I ask an autistic volunteer at camp to be more independent?

I work at a camp run by the nature center in a large local nature reservation. Each camp is for three hours, either in the morning or afternoon. Optimally, there is a naturalist leading the camp, an ...
23
votes
5answers
4k views

How do I tactfully ask a flight attendant what's going on if I know my plane has a problem?

I think it's worth explaining that I fall on the autism spectrum, so certain answers that may seem extremely obvious to others are not at all obvious to me. So I was on a flight recently (let's say, ...
23
votes
5answers
2k views

Why do people expect me to feel exactly the same as they do?

Background My fiancee and I recently had a small argument over the following text exchange F: I wish I could have seen you tonight. Me: I would have liked to see you tonight too. F: I always want to ...
23
votes
2answers
2k views

How to reduce the risk of people interpret me implying things, when I never intended to?

I have Asperger's Syndrome. I'm an aspie. I am naturally inclined to say things literally and take things literally, but I have learned most neurotypicals communicate differently, and as a minority, ...
21
votes
8answers
4k views

How to make sure I understood a work assignment correctly?

Due to my conditions as Aspie, I noticed quite a few times, in working environments, that I have a big communication barrier when it comes to task assignments. Most of the time, I have to work on a ...
20
votes
7answers
12k views

How do you tell a Facebook friend that they might be on the autism spectrum?

TL;DR How do I tell this Facebook friend that they might be on the autism spectrum without being too intrusive? Background I have this Facebook friend that I care deeply about and with whom I interact ...
20
votes
10answers
11k views

How do I tell or convince a friend that he should do an autism test?

I know a person "Bob" and his family very well. He had problems in his apprenticeship. I know another person that has the Asperger Syndrome and my friend Bob shows a lot of similarities. I don't want ...
20
votes
2answers
3k views

How can I encourage discussion of sensitive topics with my girlfriend?

Background I have been dating my girlfriend for about three months. We are both in our mid 20s, grew up in the mid-western United States, and now live in New York City. She has defined boundaries for ...
19
votes
4answers
7k views

How do I tell my friend that his behaviour is odd?

Recently I've been reconnecting with an old friend from university and we've met up a few times in public locations for coffee etc. We've been getting along really well but I've noticed one aspect of ...
19
votes
4answers
5k views

How to have a talk with a coworker I'm scared of?

First off: I tagged this as Asperger since having Asperger's makes me have trouble understanding others' motivations, thoughts, and interests, as long as they differ from mine. That means, to ...
19
votes
8answers
17k views

Message being seen but not responded, what is the correct response?

I will sometimes ask a friend how their day was or another question via chat message. Sometimes the message will be marked as read but then they don't respond for a few day or even longer (6 months). ...
19
votes
8answers
4k views

How to convey “special needs” in a positive way for a job interview?

I'm job hunting again because, in my current job, things went horribly. People were not being aware of my Aspergers or of its impact and so I was on a team that simply was unhealthy for me. I'm ...
19
votes
2answers
4k views

How can I communicate to my mother that her complaints about me make me feel like I'm not enough?

(and never will be) I'm on the autism spectrum and often feel overwhelmingly fatigued and tired. My mother, on the other hand, has a lot of energy and is always doing a million things. From time to ...
17
votes
5answers
3k views

Do I need to force myself into social interactions [closed]

I am 18 year old male, and I have PDDNOS (a form of autism). I don't feel comfortable with most social interactions around strangers. I am struggling with the choice of forcing myself in social ...
16
votes
2answers
1k views

What non-verbal communication can I use to ask if someone want physical comfort?

Sometimes, someone will talk to you about a very emotional and/or difficult topic. In this scenario, you are supposed to give comfort to the person with whom you are talking. As someone on the ...
14
votes
6answers
2k views

What is an alternative to brutal honesty that doesn't involve lying?

I have been criticised on more than one occasion by friends and romantic partners for being "too honest". An example of this might be someone asking me if a dress looks good, and I will say if I think ...
14
votes
4answers
2k views

How do I explain to extended family/acquaintances that my husband has high-functioning Autism, and has particular habits?

So, I have been married since March 2018 to my loving husband. All through our relationship, I have known that he has mild aspergers, combined with being very introverted and deaf (I am deaf as well) ...
14
votes
3answers
2k views

How to help a friend who has faced several personal, related problems in a short timespan

For what it's worth, this friend (I'll call him Jon) has Asperger's. The problems Lately, Jon's life has been a rollercoaster of emotions. It all started when his mom (I'll call her Jane), after ...
13
votes
4answers
1k views

When is it appropriate and when is it inappropriate for a neurotypical (NT) to refer to a person with Asperger's as an Aspie? [closed]

People with Asperger's on this site refer to themselves as Aspies. Is this a term that should be used only by people with Asperger's? Or can neurotypicals (NTs, a term I learned only a few days ago) ...
12
votes
5answers
4k views

“But you don't look autistic” isn't a nice thing to say

"But you don't look autistic" (meaning: "you don't behave like an autistic person") is a sentence that a lot of neurotypical people (NT) say to people on the autistic spectrum (...
12
votes
1answer
900 views

How to communicate to my spouse I can't stand unexpected touch without hurting their feelings?

TL;DR I've recently learned about my autism and still need to understand what it means. I have struggle being touched when I don't expect it and it hurts my spouse when I already tried to explain to ...
12
votes
1answer
2k views

How could I have better handled telling this minority woman I liked her cultural hairstyle?

Background This happened in Netherlands. I have some mixed ancestry. I mostly look like a Dutch person, except for my curly bush of hair and my olive skin. In school I got bullied a lot because of my ...
12
votes
3answers
910 views

How to improve relationship with a co-worker who does not speak to me?

A little history: I was hired onto this team a few years ago. The subteam I'm on has several people: the project lead (Jim), the co-worker I'm asking about (let's call her Mary), and others including ...
11
votes
2answers
3k views

How to confess severe mistakes to family?

I committed a grave error four years ago, I cannot exactly tell what is about, but is something that I must never do. My sister had already done the same thing before me, but no one had a knowledge ...
10
votes
4answers
4k views

Why do people flirt in customer service situations? [closed]

I ran into this twice today with two different customers and it's a little strange to me. I almost thought it was just me being aspie and misreading the situation when it happened yesterday, but after ...
10
votes
5answers
3k views

Why do (half-)strangers say “I'm sure you'll love it” when they don't know my interests?

Sometimes a complete stranger, or someone I've only known very recently, will recommend something to me, saying: I'm sure you'll love it! Why would they say that? They can hope, and perhaps expect ...
10
votes
3answers
793 views

How do I use body language to indicate that I am thinking?

My Problem When people give me large amounts of information, I will take plenty of time to process it before giving a response. The amount of time I take usually ranges from 30 seconds to a few ...
9
votes
5answers
1k views

How do I ask others to more quickly let me know about social mistakes I make?

I recently suffered a bit of a fallout in a teaching group I'm frequently a participant in. This was because I kept making brutally honest criticisms about their style of teaching (e.g. "your teaching ...
9
votes
3answers
1k views

Telling my boss that I have tiredness issues

I'm a junior IT engineer who was recently hired by a company. I'm from France and my probation isn't over yet (two to four months left to go). I'm also on the autism spectrum (the people at my work ...
9
votes
2answers
2k views

How can I help my father understand our dog's needs?

Our family dog is a very cheerful border collie. She's great with people, kids too, but not with other dogs. She is scared of them. We got her when she was a year old and she never learned to walk on ...