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Questions tagged [autism-spectrum]

For questions relating to or asked by people on the autism spectrum (this includes what was previously known as "Asperger", as well as "high functioning" and "low functioning" autism).

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114 votes
10 answers
66k views

How to convince my wife that my best friend and I are just friends?

I have a friend (a woman), who I met around 8 months ago. Since then, she has become my best friend and we are extremely close. Understandably, my wife is envious of the relationship and even ...
Teri0's user avatar
  • 1,083
110 votes
15 answers
48k views

How can I handle my father challenging everything I say?

I live with my parents. My father likes to challenge nearly everything I say, up to the point of ridiculousness. I can prove many of the things he challenges but not immediately. In most cases his ...
Belle's user avatar
  • 7,982
85 votes
8 answers
25k views

Dealing with somebody who's ignoring my very existence

Background I have a group of friends, and we've known each other for about 7 years now. We once all were colleagues. One of these friends, Alice, has an autism spectrum disorder. This friend got ...
Tinkeringbell's user avatar
  • 33.9k
73 votes
11 answers
25k views

How do I tell a potential partner about my autism?

Background I recently met a woman on a dating app and we hit it off. Last night we went on our first date, which went very well and we are planning to go out again. I am interested in potentially ...
Rainbacon's user avatar
  • 9,012
56 votes
8 answers
14k views

How can I more clearly ask people to accommodate for my autism?

I've got autism. This isn't always clear to people*. Sometimes I need accommodations for a sensory issue to participate in a normal way. One time, there was a colleague with a strong aftershave, for ...
Belle's user avatar
  • 7,982
54 votes
7 answers
16k views

How do I tell my close-ones that I don't appreciate it when they say I look like a bird?

While I ultimately believe that my family and friends love me and would never do anything to intentionally hurt me, there is a certain culture among my immediate and extended family members and my ...
Jordad's user avatar
  • 535
53 votes
11 answers
18k views

How can women avoid talking during dates while keeping men at ease?

I am a 30 year old American woman. A few years ago, I read online that men and women communicate differently, specifically that men do not like to talk face to face and women like to talk face to face....
notmySOaccount's user avatar
49 votes
8 answers
13k views

Active listening in casual conversation: why does it not work?

I’m on the spectrum. Language doesn’t always come as naturally to me as to others. I often have a need to confirm I understand the conversation partner, for which I use active listening techniques ...
Belle's user avatar
  • 7,982
49 votes
4 answers
9k views

How can I politely reject someone's advances?

I am a high functioning autistic woman and I recently went to a meet up for other autistic people and met a guy. I let him add me on facebook and we talked a little bit and he tried to ask me out ...
Grimmy's user avatar
  • 765
45 votes
10 answers
22k views

Boyfriend always responds "I didn't mean to" when he gets feedback [closed]

My boyfriend (been together 4 years) will always respond with "I didn't mean to!", when someone points out to him he did something wrong. It always sounds slightly accusatory when he says it, like he ...
Belle's user avatar
  • 7,982
42 votes
4 answers
7k views

Showing a homeless person that you care about their well-being

Every day, when I go to work, I pass by a homeless person. At first, I just waved hello to them, but now I shake hands with them and, when doing that, they will start asking me questions (like "how ...
Ael's user avatar
  • 17.2k
41 votes
16 answers
13k views

Is it socially acceptable to dismiss a compliment? [closed]

Sometimes I get compliments like: "good job on making that website" or that I look nice or something. I often say that much more people look better or I could have done the site better, or even saying ...
Termatinator's user avatar
  • 1,116
37 votes
5 answers
3k views

Talking to the parents of an adult autistic student

I have an adult, autistic student who I have tutored weekly in programming since about November. His parents would like this tutoring to result in him being able to work as an entry-level programmer, ...
Ben I.'s user avatar
  • 2,746
36 votes
6 answers
13k views

Rebuffing a former friend's (now a convicted criminal) attempts to restore friendship

I used to have a friend who I would fairly regularly see - usually for lunch. A few details about this individual: Very quiet and shy Is a high-functioning autistic individual Socially awkward We ...
Scoots's user avatar
  • 499
35 votes
6 answers
9k views

How to open up to someone about loving them, when you don't know if they love you back?

I feel attracted to someone. I did have a relationship with her before (we were little children at that time, 5-7 years old), but we couldn't continue because of age and distance. We are both ...
Termatinator's user avatar
  • 1,116
34 votes
15 answers
10k views

How to encourage a child with autism to practice reading?

I'm asking on behalf of friends of mine who have a daughter who is diagnosed with "high functioning" autism. Let's call her Jane. Jane went to a regular primary school but couldn't learn in this ...
Elmy's user avatar
  • 6,039
29 votes
4 answers
3k views

How to address fallout from my meltdowns and to avoid ruining social relationships

The problem While I am a very high functioning autistic and can act "normal" most of the time. Most people don't know I have autism, esp at work or other controlled situations so it's not a problem ...
user avatar
29 votes
4 answers
6k views

I am very close to breaking up with my girlfriend for selfish reasons; how do I talk to her about our relationship?

I started dating this girl just over a year ago. We first met 7 years ago at college; we were only acquaintances back then. Fast forward a few years, we recognized each other at a work party and ...
user avatar
28 votes
7 answers
11k views

How to accept an apology, without implying that there was no problem?

An older man barges into me. While I think he could have prevented that, I don't assume he had any bad intentions. He then apologizes and I want to accept the apology, but how? Just saying "It's OK" ...
dhein's user avatar
  • 2,532
26 votes
9 answers
11k views

How can I talk to my Partner about what she would rather do?

I feel like I can't correctly ascertain what my significant other would rather do. We have had a rocky relationship as she is rather introverted, while I'm more needy, and while we talked and ...
Nejosan's user avatar
  • 363
25 votes
3 answers
4k views

How can I ask an autistic volunteer at camp to be more independent?

I work at a camp run by the nature center in a large local nature reservation. Each camp is for three hours, either in the morning or afternoon. Optimally, there is a naturalist leading the camp, an ...
HDE 226868's user avatar
  • 8,987
25 votes
2 answers
2k views

How to reduce the risk of people interpret me implying things, when I never intended to?

I have Asperger's Syndrome. I'm an aspie. I am naturally inclined to say things literally and take things literally, but I have learned most neurotypicals communicate differently, and as a minority, ...
gerrit's user avatar
  • 2,051
23 votes
5 answers
3k views

Why do people expect me to feel exactly the same as they do?

Background My fiancee and I recently had a small argument over the following text exchange F: I wish I could have seen you tonight. Me: I would have liked to see you tonight too. F: I always want to ...
Rainbacon's user avatar
  • 9,012
21 votes
5 answers
4k views

How do I tactfully ask a flight attendant what's going on if I know my plane has a problem?

I think it's worth explaining that I fall on the autism spectrum, so certain answers that may seem extremely obvious to others are not at all obvious to me. So I was on a flight recently (let's say, ...
gparyani's user avatar
  • 1,713
21 votes
7 answers
12k views

How do you tell a Facebook friend that they might be on the autism spectrum?

TL;DR How do I tell this Facebook friend that they might be on the autism spectrum without being too intrusive? Background I have this Facebook friend that I care deeply about and with whom I interact ...
Ael's user avatar
  • 17.2k
20 votes
8 answers
4k views

How to make sure I understood a work assignment correctly?

Due to my conditions as Aspie, I noticed quite a few times, in working environments, that I have a big communication barrier when it comes to task assignments. Most of the time, I have to work on a ...
dhein's user avatar
  • 2,532
19 votes
10 answers
12k views

How do I tell or convince a friend that he should do an autism test?

I know a person "Bob" and his family very well. He had problems in his apprenticeship. I know another person that has the Asperger Syndrome and my friend Bob shows a lot of similarities. I don't want ...
Fabian Wüthrich's user avatar
19 votes
8 answers
45k views

Message being seen but not responded, what is the correct response?

I will sometimes ask a friend how their day was or another question via chat message. Sometimes the message will be marked as read but then they don't respond for a few day or even longer (6 months). ...
traisjames's user avatar
19 votes
2 answers
3k views

How can I encourage discussion of sensitive topics with my girlfriend?

Background I have been dating my girlfriend for about three months. We are both in our mid 20s, grew up in the mid-western United States, and now live in New York City. She has defined boundaries for ...
Rainbacon's user avatar
  • 9,012
19 votes
8 answers
4k views

How to convey "special needs" in a positive way for a job interview?

I'm job hunting again because, in my current job, things went horribly. People were not being aware of my Aspergers or of its impact and so I was on a team that simply was unhealthy for me. I'm ...
dhein's user avatar
  • 2,532
19 votes
2 answers
4k views

How can I communicate to my mother that her complaints about me make me feel like I'm not enough?

(and never will be) I'm on the autism spectrum and often feel overwhelmingly fatigued and tired. My mother, on the other hand, has a lot of energy and is always doing a million things. From time to ...
Ael's user avatar
  • 17.2k
18 votes
4 answers
8k views

How do I tell my friend that his behaviour is odd?

Recently I've been reconnecting with an old friend from university and we've met up a few times in public locations for coffee etc. We've been getting along really well but I've noticed one aspect of ...
user avatar
18 votes
4 answers
6k views

How to have a talk with a coworker I'm scared of?

First off: I tagged this as Asperger since having Asperger's makes me have trouble understanding others' motivations, thoughts, and interests, as long as they differ from mine. That means, to ...
dhein's user avatar
  • 2,532
16 votes
2 answers
2k views

What non-verbal communication can I use to ask if someone want physical comfort?

Sometimes, someone will talk to you about a very emotional and/or difficult topic. In this scenario, you are supposed to give comfort to the person with whom you are talking. As someone on the ...
Ael's user avatar
  • 17.2k
16 votes
1 answer
1k views

How can I do mirroring online, similar to my mirroring in person?

TLDR: I'd like to be able to use mirroring online, similar to how I do this in person, and change my communication style online so that it will be more well-received by people, and be more similar to ...
Kelsey's user avatar
  • 279
15 votes
6 answers
2k views

What is an alternative to brutal honesty that doesn't involve lying?

I have been criticised on more than one occasion by friends and romantic partners for being "too honest". An example of this might be someone asking me if a dress looks good, and I will say if I think ...
Cloud's user avatar
  • 254
15 votes
5 answers
4k views

Do I need to force myself into social interactions [closed]

I am 18 year old male, and I have PDDNOS (a form of autism). I don't feel comfortable with most social interactions around strangers. I am struggling with the choice of forcing myself in social ...
Termatinator's user avatar
  • 1,116
14 votes
4 answers
2k views

How do I explain to extended family/acquaintances that my husband has high-functioning Autism, and has particular habits?

So, I have been married since March 2018 to my loving husband. All through our relationship, I have known that he has mild aspergers, combined with being very introverted and deaf (I am deaf as well) ...
ElizB's user avatar
  • 3,551
13 votes
5 answers
4k views

"But you don't look autistic" isn't a nice thing to say

"But you don't look autistic" (meaning: "you don't behave like an autistic person") is a sentence that a lot of neurotypical people (NT) say to people on the autistic spectrum (...
Ael's user avatar
  • 17.2k
13 votes
4 answers
1k views

When is it appropriate and when is it inappropriate for a neurotypical (NT) to refer to a person with Asperger's as an Aspie? [closed]

People with Asperger's on this site refer to themselves as Aspies. Is this a term that should be used only by people with Asperger's? Or can neurotypicals (NTs, a term I learned only a few days ago) ...
user avatar
13 votes
3 answers
2k views

How to help a friend who has faced several personal, related problems in a short timespan

For what it's worth, this friend (I'll call him Jon) has Asperger's. The problems Lately, Jon's life has been a rollercoaster of emotions. It all started when his mom (I'll call her Jane), after ...
David DPG's user avatar
  • 233
12 votes
1 answer
1k views

How to communicate to my spouse I can't stand unexpected touch without hurting their feelings?

TL;DR I've recently learned about my autism and still need to understand what it means. I have struggle being touched when I don't expect it and it hurts my spouse when I already tried to explain to ...
Hazel's user avatar
  • 121
12 votes
2 answers
1k views

Why is it considered bad form to break up with someone over written text?

I am autistic and, when I was a teenager (10 years ago), I had always heard that it was "rude" to break up with someone over text. However, I never understood why. What's wrong with ...
Ael's user avatar
  • 17.2k
12 votes
1 answer
2k views

How could I have better handled telling this minority woman I liked her cultural hairstyle?

Background This happened in Netherlands. I have some mixed ancestry. I mostly look like a Dutch person, except for my curly bush of hair and my olive skin. In school I got bullied a lot because of my ...
Belle's user avatar
  • 7,982
12 votes
3 answers
1k views

How to improve relationship with a co-worker who does not speak to me?

A little history: I was hired onto this team a few years ago. The subteam I'm on has several people: the project lead (Jim), the co-worker I'm asking about (let's call her Mary), and others including ...
Anon1142's user avatar
  • 121
11 votes
5 answers
5k views

Why do (half-)strangers say "I'm sure you'll love it" when they don't know my interests?

Sometimes a complete stranger, or someone I've only known very recently, will recommend something to me, saying: I'm sure you'll love it! Why would they say that? They can hope, and perhaps expect ...
gerrit's user avatar
  • 2,051
10 votes
4 answers
5k views

Why do people flirt in customer service situations? [closed]

I ran into this twice today with two different customers and it's a little strange to me. I almost thought it was just me being aspie and misreading the situation when it happened yesterday, but after ...
apaul's user avatar
  • 54.8k
10 votes
3 answers
936 views

How do I use body language to indicate that I am thinking?

My Problem When people give me large amounts of information, I will take plenty of time to process it before giving a response. The amount of time I take usually ranges from 30 seconds to a few ...
Rainbacon's user avatar
  • 9,012
10 votes
2 answers
3k views

How to confess severe mistakes to family?

I committed a grave error four years ago, I cannot exactly tell what is about, but is something that I must never do. My sister had already done the same thing before me, but no one had a knowledge ...
user avatar
9 votes
3 answers
708 views

How do I explain my social difficulties as not deliberate attempts to annoy people

I am on the Autism Spectrum, and have difficulty in interpreting people's reactions. An unintended side effect is that the trademark literalism makes me come across as a bit of a smart-a$$ when I don'...
user avatar