Questions tagged [boundaries]

This tag should be used when boundaries (either yours or someone else's) play a major role in the situation at hand. This could involve questions about how to respect other people's boundaries, how to handle overstepping someone's boundaries, establishing your own boundaries, or handling someone who has overstepped your boundaries.

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215 views

My parents just can't understand boundaries [closed]

My parents don't seem to understand that I'm 26, living in another country and not needing their permission the whole time. My mom was diagnosed with depression a while ago. She's very religious and ...
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0answers
265 views

How do I persuade my parent to let me choose my own career? [closed]

I'm Asian, and it's typical in our culture for parents to decide their children's career (as well as their religion, who they can, or cannot date or marry, what they can, and cannot wear, etc. but ...
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2answers
388 views

For the girl of my heart? [closed]

I am a 20 yr old university student, pretty much matured. The story begins 2 years ago when our uni new admissions was started, at that new batch I saw a girl and I've found her so attractive that I ...
20
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2answers
2k views

Partner temporary moving in, how to enforce it's temporary?

I live alone and I just love it. I have a girlfriend (of 5 years) who I also love, and since the start of our relationship I've told her that "living together would not happen." To make a long story ...
11
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2answers
2k views

How do you deal with someone who is nosy, projects their feelings about career, and gives unsolicited advice in that area?

A friend of a friend has on multiple occasions aggressively asked how my self-study for software engineering interviews is going. Most recently I answered very briefly, because I find it too nosy and ...
0
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1answer
673 views

Possible Girlfriend in the ICU [closed]

Long story ahead, you've been warned. Could really use sound advice here. Some background first, I'm terrible at reading social cues, to the point when I was younger medicos told my parents I might ...
1
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0answers
287 views

How to deal with my mom's insistence that eight people are harassing her, even though there's no actual evidence? [closed]

I'm 26, female, moved back in with mom and dad in April after a breakup with my ex-girlfriend (the relationship ended as she got a job elsewhere... I couldn't afford to live in NYC, but she could). I ...
6
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5answers
957 views

How can I tell a friend about a future trip without upsetting another friend, who wants me to hold the truth about it?

Soon, I'll be going on a trip for one weekend; "Friend B", who is planning this trip, wants to exclude "Friend A" who will likely ask me sometime during the trip what I'm up to. "Friend B" reiterated ...
13
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1answer
1k views

How to handle my ex touching me against my wishes when he is visiting our daughter?

I left my daughter's father during the pregnancy because we were having many issues and things with him were not changing. It's been a year since I moved back to my mom's and left him, and my daughter ...
8
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1answer
850 views

Tactfully avoiding sharing food with a friend

Note: one of my best friends is in this situation with her friends, so I'm asking this question for her (from her perspective). I have a friend, Alice, who I was very close with in college. We'd ...
17
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3answers
3k views

My best friend kissed me while I was half asleep. How can I bring this up and set boundaries, without making a big deal about it?

I am a 23-year-old woman and have been going through depression due to several life situations. I have a guy best friend (engaged) whom I am very close to. He has been acting as my support system to ...
12
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3answers
1k views

How to tell my mother not to visit?

I left my mother's home to live on my own 8,5 years ago. Since then, no one in my family has visited me once. Some years ago, my mother even dismissed my idea to visit me when I suggested to do so, I ...
4
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2answers
750 views

How do I keep in touch with a friend without spending long amounts of time with him?

So I became friends with this guy in college about a year ago. He's not a very social person - I don't know any of his other friends, he doesn't share personal information easily, and is barely on ...
5
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0answers
304 views

How can I not agressively let my friend know I don't want to be hugged/touched? [duplicate]

I have a friend with whom I was very, very close in the past. We would hug often (as a greeting/goodbye, but those kinds of long hugs); we would be sitting together and it would happen that our legs/...
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3answers
1k views

How to help my girlfriend be more expressive of herself and develop own identity

I have a girlfriend whom I love very much. She is very intelligent and has a warm, caring personality. However, one thing I noticed is that she is somewhat reluctant to have her own opinions on a lot ...
6
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1answer
490 views

Helping my mom accept that I can't be available as much as she wants

My mom moved to the same city as my wife and I about 5 years ago. It's always been a bit rocky, but there is probably one theme that comes up the most regularly. To put it simply, her expectations ...
14
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2answers
2k views

How to tell my ex not to expect sex

I'm a 25 year old man living in France. Last year I dated a 30 year old woman in the US, and kept things really casual (I knew she wanted to be more than dating but it was not reciprocal). Now she is ...
52
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3answers
9k views

How to decline physical affection from a child whose parents are pressuring them?

My Situation I am an uncle to 6 nieces and nephews. I live about 1000 miles away from the rest of my family, so I only see them 2-3 times each year. When it comes time to say goodbye, it is common ...
6
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1answer
887 views

How to approach boundary setting when family composition changes?

My wife's sister is very close to our family, and over the course of the last few years, it's become a common practice for her to do her laundry at our house. I don't generally mind this, my wife ...
5
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1answer
459 views

How do you ask friends not to be so hard on you?

I was out with a group of friends listening to some music. A couple of them were grilling me and asking why I made decisions that I now regret. For example, I said I wish I had gone to a different ...
6
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1answer
648 views

How do I call out (tell him his behavior is unacceptable) a narcissistic father?

TL;DR: I want to communicate to my narcissistic father that it is unacceptable that he is attempting to blackmail my sister. Refer to my past questions for more information regarding my father and ...
-1
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1answer
403 views

Convey the wish of being grandparent while acknowledging your children views [closed]

There are multiple questions about expressing to family/friends that you don't or might not want children. I personally feel that my father's side of the family didn't do a great job about ...
17
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2answers
1k views

Helping a child enforce boundaries with strangers

I have a four-year-old granddaughter with beautiful curly hair. I had put it in braids and was in the store with her, and an older man came up and flipped the braids, commenting on her hair. I just ...
7
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3answers
655 views

How to politely decline an equipment rent request?

Recently, my acquaintance asked me to do him a favor. He wants to borrow my ski googles for a week-end (2 days). I don't really want to lend them to him, because we are not close at all, furthermore ...
2
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2answers
1k views

How do I set the boundaries I’m not ok with how someone is speaking to me? [closed]

I live in a shared household. I was speaking with someone, call him Bob, in the kitchen. I needed to speak with another roommate, call him Dylan, and asked Bob which room he lives in (Dylan moved in ...
13
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3answers
962 views

How to find out, if it is ok to hug (opposite sex)?

I am male and I regularly hug my good male and good female friends. At the very least when saying Hello and Goodbye. I have the feeling that is not uncommon here in Germany. Now, I have a a small ...
3
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1answer
1k views

How can I ask to continue a friendship after we accidentally took it to a romantic level?

Backstory I'm going through a difficult separation from my alcohol-abusing abusive wife and I've got custody of the children. Through the Q&A forum I met a woman who is in a similar situation, ...
6
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1answer
503 views

How do I get my friends to understand that I won't be social ALL the time and tolerate their scoff when I say 'I'm studying'

For a few months, I've been going out to wherever they've called. Spent money on food outside, had drinks with these folks. I have my exams coming up. Every time I get a text saying 'Hey, what's up! ...
5
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3answers
850 views

How to ask someone to stop addressing me with a certain form of endearment

I have a friend whose family I also know. Her mother likes me, and addresses me as her "(my ethnicity) daughter", or herself as my "(her ethnicity) mother" as a form of endearment. I live in a Western,...
8
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2answers
713 views

A stranger on the street accidentaly dropped their wallet: if and how may I point it out to them?

While walking down the street I noticed another pedestrian, who was ahead of me, accidentally dropping his wallet. I did not stare at this wallet, of course, but it wasn't hard to notice that it ...
13
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3answers
1k views

Gently turning down undesired physical contact/setting boundaries in a nightclub environment

In many ways this question mirrors Asking a girl whether she would like to dance with me The setting: I am alone in a nightclub. I am located in a city/region known for being culturally progressive ...
6
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1answer
379 views

How can I tell if I'm being a bother when asking for help?

I started a new job several weeks ago and like with any new job, I have no idea what I'm doing. I have a "mentor"--somebody on the team who's designated to helping get me up to speed with everything--...
35
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4answers
7k views

How can I tell my husband I need time for myself without work?

I studied Computer Science and now work full-time as a developer. When I come home from work, I want to spend some time with my husband and the kid until bed time, and then play video games or crochet ...
21
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7answers
8k views

How can I initiate a talk of money with my friend about his business idea?

This is kind of a follow up to How to decline additional help when friend won't take no for an answer My friend has a business idea that he wants me to build an app for. I'm still deciding my ...
1
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1answer
761 views

Have I lost my best friend because I told him I liked him? [closed]

So I met a guy at work a nine months back, and over time we became really good friends. Initially, he had a huge wall up, and wouldn't open up at all, but over time, as he began to trust me, he let it ...
8
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6answers
990 views

How to decline additional help when friend won't take no for an answer

A friend of mine has a business idea. He asked if I knew how to make (smartphone) apps, and I said yes. I recently graduated and currently have some spare time for a side project and could see this ...
7
votes
3answers
2k views

How can I tell to my friend that her behavior is weird to me?

Background I'm a 14-year old female and I've been friends with this specific girl for about 9 months. She has been really 'touchy-feely' with me for the past month. I'm the type of person that doesn'...
6
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2answers
3k views

How to (politely) tell someone they are not welcome in your home

A friend of mine, Chris, recently had a massive falling out with their "step-mom", Mary. That part they've learned to accept, but the problem is that Mary is the mother to one of Chris' siblings that ...
9
votes
2answers
800 views

Old friend that calls me multiple times a day, How can I talk to him about it?

I have this old college "friend" that has been calling me for years almost every day. We live over 1,000 miles apart now and haven't actually seen each other face to face for over 5 years now. But it ...
4
votes
1answer
528 views

How can I remain friends with my sponsor child without continually funding them?

Asking for my wife: My wife has been sponsoring a child in Africa for 15 years. They regularly exchanged letters through the sponsorship program. No direct contact occurred, the letters were being ...
9
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5answers
814 views

How to set and enforce a divergent personal boundary for a single problematic person in an online group of people?

Background I have been playing an online mobile phone game for about 3 years now. The game is about building a castle, an army, and you go and attack either other players or computer generated ...
39
votes
4answers
18k views

How can I get my friend to stop calling me every day? [duplicate]

I have a close friend who I have been very supportive of each-other and it's been a relatively decent friendship but lately it's gotten out of hand. My friend calls me 3 to 4 times a day and texts me ...
63
votes
15answers
45k views

How to let people know I don't appreciate being ignored in instant messaging?

When talking with people through instant messenger or texting, I find it rude when someone doesn't reply. The other day I had met up with someone I knew from school. He told me about a business idea ...
4
votes
2answers
533 views

How can I express disagreement to my boss without him feeling insulted every time I share my ideas?

The company I recently joined is owned and being run by a single person: my boss. He knew me from earlier in person a little, so he called me one day over the phone, to leave my previous employer ...
12
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3answers
817 views

Asking family members to respect my space

I am a 17 year old female living with my parents, a brother and sister. Everyday when I get back from school I enjoy my alone time in my room as I get tired of being around people the whole day quite ...
5
votes
1answer
550 views

How do I inform my neighbor about not cutting grass on my side of the lawn?

I know it's not a big deal for most, but I really do put a lot of effort into having a nice lawn, and our next door neighbour has done a few things that grind my gears, and I do not know how to ...
3
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4answers
1k views

How to establish boundaries in a friendship when the friend does not understand, while preserving mutual friend group

Background: I am a guy who has traveled quite a bit across the U.S. and made a lot of friends due to an organization that I am a part of (not work related). Last year I went to visit some of these ...
8
votes
1answer
477 views

How to press to receive updates without sounding obnoxious?

I recently (well, a few months ago now) backed a project on Kickstarter. It was not my first one, so I was fairly prepared (I thought) to the process. Well, turned out I was wrong. Unlike other ...
9
votes
3answers
1k views

How to help/advise a separated couple find an agreeable solution that does the least harm to their child during their turmoil?

I suppose this might be a tough one, but this community has proven to be able to come up with good answers far beyond my imagination, so I'll give it a try. The Problem Bob and Alice have been ...
39
votes
5answers
14k views

How do I reject helping my neighbour who constantly asks me for little favours?

My neighbour is constantly asking me for little favours, which is super obnoxious. She regularly asks me to maintain her smartphone as she has no clue what to do with a smartphone and keeps ...