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Questions tagged [boundaries]

Questions about what is going "too far" with someone/something, and about doing things that are out of order and other general questions with regards to what someone's boundaries are.

35
votes
4answers
6k views

How can I tell my husband I need time for myself without work?

I studied Computer Science and now work full-time as a developer. When I come home from work, I want to spend some time with my husband and the kid until bed time, and then play video games or crochet ...
21
votes
7answers
7k views

How can I initiate a talk of money with my friend about his business idea?

This is kind of a follow up to How to decline additional help when friend won't take no for an answer My friend has a business idea that he wants me to build an app for. I'm still deciding my ...
1
vote
1answer
536 views

Have I lost my best friend because I told him I liked him? [closed]

So I met a guy at work a nine months back, and over time we became really good friends. Initially, he had a huge wall up, and wouldn't open up at all, but over time, as he began to trust me, he let it ...
6
votes
6answers
900 views

How to decline additional help when friend won't take no for an answer

A friend of mine has a business idea. He asked if I knew how to make (smartphone) apps, and I said yes. I recently graduated and currently have some spare time for a side project and could see this ...
3
votes
3answers
949 views

How can I tell to my friend that her behavior is weird to me?

Background I'm a 14-year old female and has been friends with this specific girl for about 9 months. Recently, she has been really 'touchy-feely' with me for the past month. I'm the type of person ...
4
votes
2answers
772 views

How to (politely) tell someone they are not welcome in your home

A friend of mine, Chris, recently had a massive falling out with their "step-mom", Mary. That part they've learned to accept, but the problem is that Mary is the mother to one of Chris' siblings that ...
5
votes
2answers
606 views

Old friend that calls me multiple times a day, How can I talk to him about it?

I have this old college "friend" that has been calling me for years almost every day. We live over 1,000 miles apart now and haven't actually seen each other face to face for over 5 years now. But it ...
4
votes
1answer
495 views

How can I remain friends with my sponsor child without continually funding them?

Asking for my wife: My wife has been sponsoring a child in Africa for 15 years. They regularly exchanged letters through the sponsorship program. No direct contact occurred, the letters were being ...
8
votes
5answers
710 views

How to set and enforce a divergent personal boundary for a single problematic person in an online group of people?

Background I have been playing an online mobile phone game for about 3 years now. The game is about building a castle, an army, and you go and attack either other players or computer generated ...
39
votes
4answers
10k views

How can I get my friend to stop calling me every day? [duplicate]

I have a close friend who I have been very supportive of each-other and it's been a relatively decent friendship but lately it's gotten out of hand. My friend calls me 3 to 4 times a day and texts me ...
56
votes
14answers
24k views

How to let people know I don't appreciate being ignored in instant messaging?

When talking with people through instant messenger or texting, I find it rude when someone doesn't reply. The other day I had met up with someone I knew from school. He told me about a business idea ...
4
votes
2answers
487 views

How can I express disagreement to my boss without him feeling insulted every time I share my ideas?

The company I recently joined is owned and being run by a single person: my boss. He knew me from earlier in person a little, so he called me one day over the phone, to leave my previous employer ...
5
votes
1answer
511 views

How do I inform my neighbor about not cutting grass on my side of the lawn?

I know it's not a big deal for most, but I really do put a lot of effort into having a nice lawn, and our next door neighbour has done a few things that grind my gears, and I do not know how to ...
3
votes
4answers
757 views

How to establish boundaries in a friendship when the friend does not understand, while preserving mutual friend group

Background: I am a guy who has traveled quite a bit across the U.S. and made a lot of friends due to an organization that I am a part of (not work related). Last year I went to visit some of these ...
7
votes
1answer
452 views

How to press to receive updates without sounding obnoxious?

I recently (well, a few months ago now) backed a project on Kickstarter. It was not my first one, so I was fairly prepared (I thought) to the process. Well, turned out I was wrong. Unlike other ...
9
votes
3answers
1k views

How to help/advise a separated couple find an agreeable solution that does the least harm to their child during their turmoil?

I suppose this might be a tough one, but this community has proven to be able to come up with good answers far beyond my imagination, so I'll give it a try. The Problem Bob and Alice have been ...
37
votes
5answers
11k views

How do I reject helping my neighbour who constantly asks me for little favours?

My neighbour is constantly asking me for little favours, which is super obnoxious. She regularly asks me to maintain her smartphone as she has no clue what to do with a smartphone and keeps ...
39
votes
9answers
18k views

How to negotiate with landlady in a shared home who flat out says “no”?

I moved into a shared home with roommates. The landlady and her husband are two of the roommates. I've been having issues with storage space. Today she was cleaning up and she was about to throw out (...
10
votes
1answer
2k views

Neighbor unhappy with the fact I asked his kids to return our toys

My neighbour came over yesterday and addressed me in a rather aggressive tone, he complained that 'kids will be kids' and that 'my bins shouldn't be where they are'. He has never mentioned the bins ...
1
vote
1answer
340 views

As a student, how can I negotiate appropriate sleeping arrangements with strangers for an academic conference?

I'm an undergraduate student that was offered a role researching for a grant. I was able to get authorship status on a paper and will be attending a conference for it later this year. The professor I ...
2
votes
4answers
911 views

How to stop friends from coming in my holiday house?

I have the following problem: I own a house near the beach, in which I go only in summer. Every year, friends ask me (or try to manipulate me to invite them) to come and spend their vacations there. ...
93
votes
5answers
19k views

How to talk to a one night stand about her potential breast lumps issues?

I'm Brazilian, 23, and I went on a date with a Tinder match yesterday afternoon. At some point things got more intense and as I was fondling her breasts I felt two big lumps on her left one. We've ...
7
votes
3answers
931 views

How can I diplomatically ask my neighbor to move his/her patio off my garage wall to stop damp

I have just moved in to a new (to me. 6 years old) house and have yet to meet the neighbors. I have since noticed my inside garage wall was damp. Inspecting outside the dampness was caused by the ...
4
votes
2answers
845 views

How do I tell my close friend that I don't need the advice he gives me? He always patronizes in every conversation!

First up, he's a long time friend of mine, but not someone I ever will get along with in the same room for more than an hour. In the past, I've had a lots of insecurities and he used to be the ...
8
votes
4answers
698 views

How to establish boundaries with parent who is always negative

(In case it matters this question is made on behalf another person) I have a parent who seemingly lacks the ability to empathize with me. They'll never say things like "I understand you" or "I am ...
39
votes
6answers
13k views

Childhood friend wants to get a “best friends” tattoo but I do not think it is a good idea

Background I have a friend, we'll call her A, who I have known for nearly 20 years now. We are both in our early 20s now. Due to transitions we have both experienced over the last several years, ...
8
votes
1answer
785 views

Personal Space, Boundaries and a “Hands Off” policy

I realize that this topic has been covered (probably many times) before, but here is my situation: My fiancè's sister has before her some unique challenges. First, she is handicapped (by her own ...
3
votes
1answer
1k views

How to apologize to a friend who blocked me?

Backstory: About 2 years ago I became close online friends with someone over Steam and Discord. Recently (4 days ago) we got into a disagreement; I overreacted and he responded by blocking me on ...
4
votes
4answers
610 views

How can I set emotional boundaries with a friend who is going through a difficult time without leaving them feeling abandoned

I have a female friend who is going through a divorce, and she will talk to me at times for emotional support. My girlfriend is not happy with this. My friend has very few people to turn to and I do ...
42
votes
14answers
16k views

How can I deny a request from the mother of my girlfriend to tag along on our road trip?

Background My girlfriend and I are going on a holiday in her native country, about 800km from our current city. We planned this holiday months ago and we planned to stay for 2 weeks. Problem Today ...
-8
votes
2answers
674 views

Is it a bad idea to tell people that I could be a manipulative jerk if I wanted to? [closed]

Without going to much into my personal psyche, here are some things I know: People can be manipulated relatively easily (1) I know where I can learn to do exactly that (2) I choose not to for moral ...
4
votes
2answers
2k views

How to deal with my ex who told me to never talk to him again but still texts me? [closed]

About 3 years ago when I broke up with my ex over text it ended with him sending a text that read "Please don't ever talk to me again" So I haven't seen or contacted him since. A week after breaking ...
79
votes
15answers
27k views

How to enforce a “No Shoes” policy in my apartment?

I like to keep my apartment floor clean, as I enjoy walking around with bare feet after a shower without having to worry about them becoming dirty. As such, I don't like shoes beyond the doorway in my ...
8
votes
3answers
746 views

How to suggest to friend that he should clean up after himself in another's home

In our group of friends, "Mike" always hosts game nights, study sessions, etc. The rest of us never can return the favor since we don't have enough space and privacy. I feel it's the least I can do to ...
15
votes
14answers
7k views

How to convey seriousness in conditions when giving money to brother

TL;DR: I want to give my brother some money with a few conditions on how it is spent but believe he is unlikely to realise that I seriously plan to enforce those conditions. How can I convey my ...
11
votes
7answers
3k views

How can I be more convincing when it comes to my words?

I have a big problem with people that know me. I do have slight anger issues (like 0-90 in 1 second, and 90-100 in 10), and I know some people (my friends) that would irritate me just for their ...
14
votes
4answers
3k views

Establishing expectations with my parents about visiting after I give birth

I'm 8 months pregnant. I'm also an introvert who really doesn't cope well with change and stress. My mom is very outgoing and I need to talk to her about expectations when she visits me at the ...
10
votes
4answers
2k views

How do I tell a relative that I don't want them to spend their vacations in my house

Context: I'm a 26 years old South American, and up until mid last year I lived with my parents. In June I moved countries (7,000 miles) because of work and now I live alone, and so far I very much ...
10
votes
2answers
1k views

How do I follow through after setting a boundary for a friend who throws loud parties at my place?

I have a family friend I have known for years who now lives in a different city, but when he comes home to see his parents, etc, he likes to stay at my place. I'm totally fine with this, but recently ...
21
votes
6answers
9k views

How to ask someone on a date when dating isn't usual in your culture?

Background One similar question is How to clearly communicate that you're asking someone on a date?, but here my situation is noticeably different. I am from India and many girls don't even ...
10
votes
2answers
879 views

Trying to limit toxic relationship with family but keep getting dragged back in

This question focuses on my relationship with my mom. Most people who know her find her difficult to be around. She invites me to her place but there’s a 75% chance we get in a fight the first 15 ...
65
votes
10answers
20k views

How can I know whether a female house guest is interested in more than a friendly visit?

We have met around 4 months ago, we both are from the same country and are on an internship abroad. She lives quite far from me (around 400 km). We have chatted a bit since we've met and our ...
1
vote
0answers
517 views

My close “online friend” has become colder towards me. How should I handle the situation? [closed]

Context Over 8 months ago I met this girl from Germany (I'm from the Netherlands) in an online game called "World of Warcraft". We met pretty randomly but got along really well. She's exactly my age, ...
45
votes
14answers
12k views

How can I address a man talking inappropriately about women? [duplicate]

Source is this twitter thread: https://twitter.com/MalwareJake/status/976848126987374593 Excerpt: She said that the guy who appeared to be the unofficial group leader started talking about one of ...
10
votes
4answers
814 views

How can I tell a friend that their self-published book needs editing?

Background An acquaintance of mine and his wife just self-published a very short book. Unfortunately, it has scores of grammatical mistakes on most pages. My friend and his wife have a great message ...
9
votes
7answers
864 views

Saying no to frequent but trivial favors

I was recently a guest by my sister and brother-in-law, and over the course of my weekend visit he asked me several times to do very trivial things, for example, to bring him the newspaper from the ...
3
votes
3answers
637 views

How to convince people I don't want to attend an event?

Note- I used the 'United-States' tag, but this takes place on the US-Canada border. TL;DR: There is an event that everyone is excited for but me, and I don't know how to convince people I don't want ...
57
votes
7answers
21k views

How to ask for a wish from a woman?

For context, I am a twenty-four-year-old man. Recently I made the acquaintance of a woman who is twelve years older than myself. I was instantly struck by her extreme beauty and made efforts to form a ...
43
votes
5answers
17k views

How to handle my girlfriend's parents' attitude to asking her for money?

I'm asking this question on behalf of my girlfriend because she's asking me for help but I'm not sure on how to handle this situation. A little bit of background: My girlfriend's parents moved from ...
9
votes
6answers
926 views

If I want a child to stop a behavior, should I talk directly to the child or to the parents?

Consider a case where a young child is doing something that directly impacts me, and most everyone would consider it reasonable to want them to stop. Here are a few real examples of things they've ...