Questions tagged [boundaries]

This tag should be used when boundaries (either yours or someone else's) play a major role in the situation at hand. This could involve questions about how to respect other people's boundaries, how to handle overstepping someone's boundaries, establishing your own boundaries, or handling someone who has overstepped your boundaries.

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3
votes
1answer
269 views

How to deal with my grandma and aunt's hurtful behavior towards my family? [closed]

I am an unmarried 22 year old girl in college. I have a mother, father and brother who is also doing his masters in college. We live in India and all stay together in a flat. I'm the youngest in my ...
5
votes
1answer
413 views

How to get my younger brother to respect my boundaries

A year ago I finished my education and moved back in with my parents. My brother is 14, 10 years younger than me. He annoys me quite a bit and I'm having difficulties dealing with him and don't know ...
4
votes
1answer
570 views

Roommate started new job and using Skype a lot in common areas

A few months ago I moved into a new home. I share it with 2 other people. One of my roommates started a new job recently. She worked in the office the first week but told me she prefers to work from ...
2
votes
1answer
422 views

How should I continue working with this client without engaging much personal or mindless chit chat?

I have this client that really likes to have some personal conversation during our 'work' calls ( I work as a freelancer). I've obliged and shared some personal thoughts/talks as well to appear polite....
6
votes
2answers
992 views

Out of the blue, my friend was very rude to me in public. How can I tell him I need an apology or explanation if we are to be friends again?

I met up with a friend I hadn't seen in a while. We went to a couple pubs downtown. From the amount I saw him drink, I don't think he was drunk, though I guess I could be wrong. It seemed he tried to ...
5
votes
1answer
890 views

How can I tell my GF that her romantic gestures are a distraction and her attention she requires from me is more than I can give her?

My GF and I are in our 30s have known each other for about a year now and ever since the pandemic started, she stays with me most of the time and the rest she stays with her parents. Due to the ...
7
votes
2answers
505 views

How do I stop my mother from interrupting me every 5 minutes?

I'm exasperated by the behaviour of my mother and I don't know how to make her stop, please propose some solution... I'm a 21 year old student far from home most of the year, and I'm currently in my ...
2
votes
1answer
644 views

Landlord was knocking on my door close to midnight regarding a (minor) complaint (that I had nothing to do with)

I recently moved into a new home. I share the place with 2 other roommates. Last night close to midnight the landlord came over banging on my bedroom door. I was about to fall asleep. It turned out ...
2
votes
0answers
561 views

How can I respectfully ask my landlady to use english when in my home?

When our landlady comes into our place she always brings a relative. When they talk to us they use english. When they talk to each other they use their native tongue, which they know we don't ...
8
votes
4answers
1k views

How to gently turn down digital small-talk and prevent any new attempts at having it?

The corona virus has everybody working from home. And it seems all of management is recommending to 'stay in contact', to talk with each other digitally. Which may be fun, when it's actually planned ...
2
votes
2answers
472 views

How to explain to friends that I can do the technical part of making a website, but they have to come up with the content?

Where I live the economy isn't great for people trying to get into the tech industry, and that was before COVID-19. I would be happy to make websites for free for my friends. This would give me ...
1
vote
2answers
794 views

How do I discuss boundaries and moving out with my son?

I am a mother, I need to talk with my son, let's call him Jay, about moving out. He is 28 and has had severe depression over the years. He left college after the 1st year and has had several jobs. To ...
64
votes
7answers
13k views

Dealing with unwanted “Joking” physical contact

This isn't really a sexual thing, just something that makes me uncomfortable. So I hate having my hair up or braiding it or doing anything with it in general because I think it looks weird and it's ...
13
votes
4answers
2k views

How to ask my mother to stop giving me unsolicited (health related) advices?

I have a lot of mental health issues and my mother tends to think that fixing my life is her duty. As such, she will often give me unsolicited health advice so that I could get "better". She would ...
0
votes
2answers
586 views

How to talk to someone who is interfering with my parenting?

I am an introvert and recently moved into a house where I live with my wife's brothers as their mom has recently died. The elder brother of my wife is very cocky and proud and yet does nothing. He is ...
-6
votes
2answers
667 views

For the girl of my heart? [closed]

I am a 20 yr old university student, pretty much matured. The story begins 2 years ago when our uni new admissions was started, at that new batch I saw a girl and I've found her so attractive that I ...
21
votes
2answers
2k views

Partner temporary moving in, how to enforce it's temporary?

I live alone and I just love it. I have a girlfriend (of 5 years) who I also love, and since the start of our relationship I've told her that "living together would not happen." To make a long story ...
11
votes
2answers
2k views

How do you deal with someone who is nosy, projects their feelings about career, and gives unsolicited advice in that area?

A friend of a friend has on multiple occasions aggressively asked how my self-study for software engineering interviews is going. Most recently I answered very briefly, because I find it too nosy and ...
0
votes
1answer
791 views

Possible Girlfriend in the ICU [closed]

Long story ahead, you've been warned. Could really use sound advice here. Some background first, I'm terrible at reading social cues, to the point when I was younger medicos told my parents I might ...
6
votes
5answers
1k views

How can I tell a friend about a future trip without upsetting another friend, who wants me to hold the truth about it?

Soon, I'll be going on a trip for one weekend; "Friend B", who is planning this trip, wants to exclude "Friend A" who will likely ask me sometime during the trip what I'm up to. "Friend B" reiterated ...
13
votes
1answer
1k views

How to handle my ex touching me against my wishes when he is visiting our daughter?

I left my daughter's father during the pregnancy because we were having many issues and things with him were not changing. It's been a year since I moved back to my mom's and left him, and my daughter ...
8
votes
1answer
903 views

Tactfully avoiding sharing food with a friend

Note: one of my best friends is in this situation with her friends, so I'm asking this question for her (from her perspective). I have a friend, Alice, who I was very close with in college. We'd ...
18
votes
4answers
7k views

My best friend kissed me while I was half asleep. How can I bring this up and set boundaries, without making a big deal about it?

I am a 23-year-old woman and have been going through depression due to several life situations. I have a guy best friend (engaged) whom I am very close to. He has been acting as my support system to ...
12
votes
3answers
1k views

How to tell my mother not to visit?

I left my mother's home to live on my own 8,5 years ago. Since then, no one in my family has visited me once. Some years ago, my mother even dismissed my idea to visit me when I suggested to do so, I ...
4
votes
2answers
791 views

How do I keep in touch with a friend without spending long amounts of time with him?

So I became friends with this guy in college about a year ago. He's not a very social person - I don't know any of his other friends, he doesn't share personal information easily, and is barely on ...
5
votes
0answers
308 views

How can I not agressively let my friend know I don't want to be hugged/touched? [duplicate]

I have a friend with whom I was very, very close in the past. We would hug often (as a greeting/goodbye, but those kinds of long hugs); we would be sitting together and it would happen that our legs/...
1
vote
3answers
1k views

How to help my girlfriend be more expressive of herself and develop own identity

I have a girlfriend whom I love very much. She is very intelligent and has a warm, caring personality. However, one thing I noticed is that she is somewhat reluctant to have her own opinions on a lot ...
6
votes
1answer
530 views

Helping my mom accept that I can't be available as much as she wants

My mom moved to the same city as my wife and I about 5 years ago. It's always been a bit rocky, but there is probably one theme that comes up the most regularly. To put it simply, her expectations ...
14
votes
2answers
2k views

How to tell my ex not to expect sex

I'm a 25 year old man living in France. Last year I dated a 30 year old woman in the US, and kept things really casual (I knew she wanted to be more than dating but it was not reciprocal). Now she is ...
53
votes
3answers
9k views

How to decline physical affection from a child whose parents are pressuring them?

My Situation I am an uncle to 6 nieces and nephews. I live about 1000 miles away from the rest of my family, so I only see them 2-3 times each year. When it comes time to say goodbye, it is common ...
6
votes
1answer
930 views

How to approach boundary setting when family composition changes?

My wife's sister is very close to our family, and over the course of the last few years, it's become a common practice for her to do her laundry at our house. I don't generally mind this, my wife ...
5
votes
1answer
469 views

How do you ask friends not to be so hard on you?

I was out with a group of friends listening to some music. A couple of them were grilling me and asking why I made decisions that I now regret. For example, I said I wish I had gone to a different ...
6
votes
1answer
694 views

How do I call out (tell him his behavior is unacceptable) a narcissistic father?

TL;DR: I want to communicate to my narcissistic father that it is unacceptable that he is attempting to blackmail my sister. Refer to my past questions for more information regarding my father and ...
-1
votes
1answer
420 views

Convey the wish of being grandparent while acknowledging your children views [closed]

There are multiple questions about expressing to family/friends that you don't or might not want children. I personally feel that my father's side of the family didn't do a great job about ...
17
votes
2answers
1k views

Helping a child enforce boundaries with strangers

I have a four-year-old granddaughter with beautiful curly hair. I had put it in braids and was in the store with her, and an older man came up and flipped the braids, commenting on her hair. I just ...
7
votes
3answers
765 views

How to politely decline an equipment rent request?

Recently, my acquaintance asked me to do him a favor. He wants to borrow my ski googles for a week-end (2 days). I don't really want to lend them to him, because we are not close at all, furthermore ...
2
votes
2answers
1k views

How do I set the boundaries I’m not ok with how someone is speaking to me? [closed]

I live in a shared household. I was speaking with someone, call him Bob, in the kitchen. I needed to speak with another roommate, call him Dylan, and asked Bob which room he lives in (Dylan moved in ...
13
votes
3answers
1k views

How to find out, if it is ok to hug (opposite sex)?

I am male and I regularly hug my good male and good female friends. At the very least when saying Hello and Goodbye. I have the feeling that is not uncommon here in Germany. Now, I have a a small ...
4
votes
1answer
1k views

How can I ask to continue a friendship after we accidentally took it to a romantic level?

Backstory I'm going through a difficult separation from my alcohol-abusing abusive wife and I've got custody of the children. Through the Q&A forum I met a woman who is in a similar situation, ...
6
votes
1answer
541 views

How do I get my friends to understand that I won't be social ALL the time and tolerate their scoff when I say 'I'm studying'

For a few months, I've been going out to wherever they've called. Spent money on food outside, had drinks with these folks. I have my exams coming up. Every time I get a text saying 'Hey, what's up! ...
5
votes
3answers
967 views

How to ask someone to stop addressing me with a certain form of endearment

I have a friend whose family I also know. Her mother likes me, and addresses me as her "(my ethnicity) daughter", or herself as my "(her ethnicity) mother" as a form of endearment. I live in a Western,...
8
votes
2answers
731 views

A stranger on the street accidentaly dropped their wallet: if and how may I point it out to them?

While walking down the street I noticed another pedestrian, who was ahead of me, accidentally dropping his wallet. I did not stare at this wallet, of course, but it wasn't hard to notice that it ...
14
votes
3answers
1k views

Gently turning down undesired physical contact/setting boundaries in a nightclub environment

In many ways this question mirrors Asking a girl whether she would like to dance with me The setting: I am alone in a nightclub. I am located in a city/region known for being culturally progressive ...
6
votes
1answer
392 views

How can I tell if I'm being a bother when asking for help?

I started a new job several weeks ago and like with any new job, I have no idea what I'm doing. I have a "mentor"--somebody on the team who's designated to helping get me up to speed with everything--...
39
votes
4answers
8k views

How can I tell my husband I need time for myself without work?

I studied Computer Science and now work full-time as a developer. When I come home from work, I want to spend some time with my husband and the kid until bed time, and then play video games or crochet ...
21
votes
7answers
8k views

How can I initiate a talk of money with my friend about his business idea?

This is kind of a follow up to How to decline additional help when friend won't take no for an answer My friend has a business idea that he wants me to build an app for. I'm still deciding my ...
1
vote
1answer
917 views

Have I lost my best friend because I told him I liked him? [closed]

So I met a guy at work a nine months back, and over time we became really good friends. Initially, he had a huge wall up, and wouldn't open up at all, but over time, as he began to trust me, he let it ...
8
votes
6answers
1k views

How to decline additional help when friend won't take no for an answer

A friend of mine has a business idea. He asked if I knew how to make (smartphone) apps, and I said yes. I recently graduated and currently have some spare time for a side project and could see this ...
8
votes
3answers
2k views

How can I tell to my friend that her behavior is weird to me?

Background I'm a 14-year old female and I've been friends with this specific girl for about 9 months. She has been really 'touchy-feely' with me for the past month. I'm the type of person that doesn'...
6
votes
2answers
4k views

How to (politely) tell someone they are not welcome in your home

A friend of mine, Chris, recently had a massive falling out with their "step-mom", Mary. That part they've learned to accept, but the problem is that Mary is the mother to one of Chris' siblings that ...