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Questions tagged [boundaries]

This tag should be used when boundaries (either yours or someone else's) play a major role in the situation at hand. This could involve questions about how to respect other people's boundaries, how to handle overstepping someone's boundaries, establishing your own boundaries, or handling someone who has overstepped your boundaries.

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2 votes
0 answers
77 views

How to make friendship work with mental illness?

I have Borderline Personality Disorder that I am seeking help for, and have a lot of issues that may make me a terrible friend, such as lashing out/and or being inconsistent. (Not excusing this ...
3 votes
2 answers
526 views

How do I stop my friends & relatives from postponing their requests for help until the last minute and then disrupting my plans with urgent requests?

The problem outlined in the title is really getting to me. Some of my relatives and friends are overburdened by their everyday duties and barely manage to plan ahead. They often suddenly face an ...
4 votes
2 answers
585 views

How to approach my autistic friend regarding his negative behavior?

I have a close friend who is autistic. We have been friends for over 20 years. Over time he has made increasingly disparaging comments about me and I am unsure of how to address this. My friend was ...
2 votes
2 answers
1k views

How to approach a friend who is vague when trying to plan a meet up?

I have a friend and we talk frequently on WhatsApp. We have just got back in touch after a few years of losing touch. I remembered her to be quite unreliable but I have considered that after a few ...
124 votes
12 answers
27k views

How do I tell a co-worker that just because something is a hobby doesn't mean I want to do it for free?

I enjoy baking, and on a number of occasions have baked cakes or other desserts for people in the office to celebrate their birthday or a work-related milestone. I've done this of my own accord, ...
2 votes
1 answer
955 views

How can I enforce boundaries with a clingy younger woman without hurting her

Background Six months ago two sisters started to attend an association I am volunteering at. I developed a huge crush on the older sister, so I tried to approach her, but without success. Unexpectedly ...
0 votes
1 answer
269 views

Putting pressure to get pending money from a client

An old client of mine says A owes me X amount. He is delaying payment for the past 3 weeks. One week he said - "His account is in an inactive state", and next week "He is in debt, he is ...
82 votes
14 answers
37k views

How to enforce a "No Shoes" policy in my apartment?

I like to keep my apartment floor clean, as I enjoy walking around with bare feet after a shower without having to worry about them becoming dirty. As such, I don't like shoes beyond the doorway in my ...
128 votes
10 answers
30k views

I live in a desirable, world-famous vacation spot. How do I handle visiting friends and set healthy boundaries?

I currently live in a desirable locale which is a world-famous vacation spot. Suddenly, I have a lot of friends and they want to visit me. I don't want to be rude but I have a few issues: For them, ...
2 votes
1 answer
354 views

How to handle someone who repeatedly returns to previously-discussed points in conversations?

I was recently asked (by a family member) about an personal event I was planning. During the conversation, the person I was talking to kept pressing me for details on every conceivable aspect of the ...
14 votes
13 answers
8k views

How to convey seriousness in conditions when giving money to brother

TL;DR: I want to give my brother some money with a few conditions on how it is spent but believe he is unlikely to realise that I seriously plan to enforce those conditions. How can I convey my ...
3 votes
1 answer
543 views

How do I ask my friend to stop doing inappropriate things to me?

I have a friend, A, in my group that is very annoying (physically). They act the same with other friends in our group, but they are okay with that. I seem to be the only one with an issue. Problem is, ...
2 votes
2 answers
674 views

How to explain to friends that I can do the technical part of making a website, but they have to come up with the content?

Where I live the economy isn't great for people trying to get into the tech industry, and that was before COVID-19. I would be happy to make websites for free for my friends. This would give me ...
4 votes
5 answers
2k views

How to invite someone over but not for too long

On behalf of a friend, sometimes she wants to invite people over but many members of her extended family don’t know when to leave, even when given big clues (not as harsh as ‘close the door when you ...
2 votes
2 answers
2k views

How do I find out if this girl has a crush on me, without asking her directly?

I am working in an IT company as project manager. I have met this girl who is a software engineer in a different team. We have known each other for one year now. She likes to talk to me. She calls me ...
17 votes
4 answers
16k views

My best friend kissed me while I was half asleep. How can I bring this up and set boundaries, without making a big deal about it?

I am a 23-year-old woman and have been going through depression due to several life situations. I have a guy best friend (engaged) whom I am very close to. He has been acting as my support system to ...
1 vote
1 answer
592 views

How to better react/respond to a friend who rejects your advice but still keeps asking for your help?

I find that it’s particularly hard for me to help someone when they want my help but I disagree on what’s helpful? Especially when I’m seen as an expert. Instance: Friend for years messages me, By ...
13 votes
4 answers
2k views

How to stop my ex wife from pressuring relationship between our son and my new partner

About five years ago my wife Laura and I got divorced - we kept it quite civil and even now our relationship is quite friendly. We also have a son, Steve, currently 10 years old that spends 3 days a ...
65 votes
15 answers
136k views

How to let people know I don't appreciate being ignored in instant messaging?

When talking with people through instant messenger or texting, I find it rude when someone doesn't reply. The other day I had met up with someone I knew from school. He told me about a business idea ...
20 votes
5 answers
7k views

How to politely convey that you don't want to be tagged in irrelevant social media posts?

Some people have the habit of mass-tagging people on irrelevant posts. Mostly they don't have bad intentions but it's really noisy and I would like it stopped. How to tell these people not to tag me ...
9 votes
2 answers
1k views

Is another person's private object within your own personal boundary?

My girlfriend and I have been together for 6 months. Early one morning, after a conversation we'd had the previous night, she calls me to ask me if I own a very private object. Not wanting to lie, I ...
1 vote
1 answer
1k views

How can I respectfully ask my landlady to use English when in my home?

When our landlady comes into our place she always brings a relative. She visits with repair people, or most often it's a family member doing repairs. When they talk to us, they use fluent English. ...
23 votes
7 answers
13k views

How can I tell someone that their teasing is hurting my feelings?

There are times and situations that teasing someone can create a bond of friendship and that the bond created is a result of a well-meaning intention to prepare a person for what they might encounter ...
12 votes
4 answers
7k views

How to tell my mother not to visit?

I left my mother's home to live on my own 8,5 years ago. Since then, no one in my family has visited me once. Some years ago, my mother even dismissed my idea to visit me when I suggested to do so, I ...
7 votes
2 answers
1k views

How to stop divulging information that I don't want to share?

My cousin asks me things that I don't want to share, yet I share details with her because I don't know a polite way to tell her that I don't want to share. From time to time, she asks me about my ...
2 votes
3 answers
588 views

How should I continue working with this client without engaging much personal or mindless chit chat?

I have this client that really likes to have some personal conversation during our 'work' calls ( I work as a freelancer). I've obliged and shared some personal thoughts/talks as well to appear polite....
3 votes
1 answer
687 views

How to deal with my grandma and aunt's hurtful behavior towards my family? [closed]

I am an unmarried 22 year old girl in college. I have a mother, father and brother who is also doing his masters in college. We live in India and all stay together in a flat. I'm the youngest in my ...
5 votes
1 answer
639 views

How to get my younger brother to respect my boundaries

A year ago I finished my education and moved back in with my parents. My brother is 14, 10 years younger than me. He annoys me quite a bit and I'm having difficulties dealing with him and don't know ...
4 votes
1 answer
833 views

Roommate started new job and using Skype a lot in common areas

A few months ago I moved into a new home. I share it with 2 other people. One of my roommates started a new job recently. She worked in the office the first week but told me she prefers to work from ...
24 votes
6 answers
10k views

How to ask someone on a date when dating isn't usual in your culture?

Background One similar question is How to clearly communicate that you're asking someone on a date?, but here my situation is noticeably different. I am from India and many girls don't even ...
5 votes
2 answers
2k views

Out of the blue, my friend was very rude to me in public. How can I tell him I need an apology or explanation if we are to be friends again?

I met up with a friend I hadn't seen in a while. We went to a couple pubs downtown. From the amount I saw him drink, I don't think he was drunk, though I guess I could be wrong. It seemed he tried to ...
60 votes
7 answers
24k views

How to ask for a wish from a woman?

For context, I am a twenty-four-year-old man. Recently I made the acquaintance of a woman who is twelve years older than myself. I was instantly struck by her extreme beauty and made efforts to form a ...
98 votes
5 answers
22k views

How to talk to a one night stand about her potential breast lumps issues?

I'm Brazilian, 23, and I went on a date with a Tinder match yesterday afternoon. At some point things got more intense and as I was fondling her breasts I felt two big lumps on her left one. We've ...
7 votes
2 answers
3k views

How do I stop my mother from interrupting me every 5 minutes?

I'm exasperated by the behaviour of my mother and I don't know how to make her stop, please propose some solution... I'm a 21 year old student far from home most of the year, and I'm currently in my ...
4 votes
1 answer
2k views

How can I tell my GF that her romantic gestures are a distraction and her attention she requires from me is more than I can give her?

My GF and I are in our 30s have known each other for about a year now and ever since the pandemic started, she stays with me most of the time and the rest she stays with her parents. Due to the ...
2 votes
1 answer
1k views

Landlord was knocking on my door close to midnight regarding a (minor) complaint (that I had nothing to do with)

I recently moved into a new home. I share the place with 2 other roommates. Last night close to midnight the landlord came over banging on my bedroom door. I was about to fall asleep. It turned out ...
8 votes
4 answers
1k views

How to gently turn down digital small-talk and prevent any new attempts at having it?

The corona virus has everybody working from home. And it seems all of management is recommending to 'stay in contact', to talk with each other digitally. Which may be fun, when it's actually planned ...
3 votes
3 answers
789 views

How can I express disagreement to my boss without him feeling insulted every time I share my ideas?

The company I recently joined is owned and being run by a single person: my boss. He knew me from earlier in person a little, so he called me one day over the phone, to leave my previous employer ...
39 votes
7 answers
10k views

How to deal with an annoying front passenger?

Background Don't be surprised at the use of the plural here. I'm talking about two different people displaying the same behaviour and sharing other characteristics. However, each time only one of them ...
59 votes
17 answers
24k views

Answer to: "Why aren't you with your boyfriend right now?"

I have a boyfriend, but still live with my parents and siblings. We've been dating for 8 months. It seems that every time I have a spare moment with my significant other (SO) not present, someone's ...
1 vote
2 answers
855 views

How do I discuss boundaries and moving out with my son?

I am a mother, I need to talk with my son, let's call him Jay, about moving out. He is 28 and has had severe depression over the years. He left college after the 1st year and has had several jobs. To ...
64 votes
7 answers
14k views

Dealing with unwanted "Joking" physical contact

This isn't really a sexual thing, just something that makes me uncomfortable. So I hate having my hair up or braiding it or doing anything with it in general because I think it looks weird and it's ...
40 votes
4 answers
8k views

How can I tell my husband I need time for myself without work?

I studied Computer Science and now work full-time as a developer. When I come home from work, I want to spend some time with my husband and the kid until bed time, and then play video games or crochet ...
14 votes
4 answers
3k views

How to ask my mother to stop giving me unsolicited (health related) advices?

I have a lot of mental health issues and my mother tends to think that fixing my life is her duty. As such, she will often give me unsolicited health advice so that I could get "better". She would ...
-1 votes
2 answers
817 views

How to talk to someone who is interfering with my parenting?

I am an introvert and recently moved into a house where I live with my wife's brothers as their mom has recently died. The elder brother of my wife is very cocky and proud and yet does nothing. He is ...
21 votes
2 answers
2k views

Partner temporary moving in, how to enforce it's temporary?

I live alone and I just love it. I have a girlfriend (of 5 years) who I also love, and since the start of our relationship I've told her that "living together would not happen." To make a long story ...
11 votes
2 answers
2k views

How do you deal with someone who is nosy, projects their feelings about career, and gives unsolicited advice in that area?

A friend of a friend has on multiple occasions aggressively asked how my self-study for software engineering interviews is going. Most recently I answered very briefly, because I find it too nosy and ...
0 votes
1 answer
912 views

Possible Girlfriend in the ICU [closed]

Long story ahead, you've been warned. Could really use sound advice here. Some background first, I'm terrible at reading social cues, to the point when I was younger medicos told my parents I might ...
6 votes
5 answers
1k views

How can I tell a friend about a future trip without upsetting another friend, who wants me to hold the truth about it?

Soon, I'll be going on a trip for one weekend; "Friend B", who is planning this trip, wants to exclude "Friend A" who will likely ask me sometime during the trip what I'm up to. "Friend B" reiterated ...
13 votes
1 answer
2k views

How to handle my ex touching me against my wishes when he is visiting our daughter?

I left my daughter's father during the pregnancy because we were having many issues and things with him were not changing. It's been a year since I moved back to my mom's and left him, and my daughter ...