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Questions tagged [boundaries]

This tag should be used when boundaries (either yours or someone else's) play a major role in the situation at hand. This could involve questions about how to respect other people's boundaries, how to handle overstepping someone's boundaries, establishing your own boundaries, or handling someone who has overstepped your boundaries.

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Possible Girlfriend in the ICU

Long story ahead, you've been warned. Could really use sound advice here. Some background first, I'm terrible at reading social cues, to the point when I was younger medicos told my parents I might ...
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0answers
153 views

How to deal with my mom's insistence that eight people are harassing her, even though there's no actual evidence? [on hold]

I'm 26, female, moved back in with mom and dad in April after a breakup with my ex-girlfriend (the relationship ended as she got a job elsewhere... I couldn't afford to live in NYC, but she could). I ...
6
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5answers
882 views

How can I tell a friend about a future trip without upsetting another friend, who wants me to hold the truth about it?

Soon, I'll be going on a trip for one weekend; "Friend B", who is planning this trip, wants to exclude "Friend A" who will likely ask me sometime during the trip what I'm up to. "Friend B" reiterated ...
17
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3answers
3k views

My best friend kissed me while I was half asleep. How can I bring this up and set boundaries, without making a big deal about it?

I am a 23-year-old woman and have been going through depression due to several life situations. I have a guy best friend (engaged) whom I am very close to. He has been acting as my support system to ...
13
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1answer
1k views

How to handle my ex touching me against my wishes when he is visiting our daughter?

I left my daughter's father during the pregnancy because we were having many issues and things with him were not changing. It's been a year since I moved back to my mom's and left him, and my daughter ...
8
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1answer
808 views

Tactfully avoiding sharing food with a friend

Note: one of my best friends is in this situation with her friends, so I'm asking this question for her (from her perspective). I have a friend, Alice, who I was very close with in college. We'd ...
12
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3answers
980 views

How to tell my mother not to visit?

I left my mother's home to live on my own 8,5 years ago. Since then, no one in my family has visited me once. Some years ago, my mother even dismissed my idea to visit me when I suggested to do so, I ...
31
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7answers
12k views

How to make someone respect your time when making plans without being rude?

Ok, here is my situation. I met this guy a few months ago, we met a couple of times (not dating, just as friends). We don't talk often but every once in a month or two he suggests that we would get ...
14
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2answers
2k views

How to tell my ex not to expect sex

I'm a 25 year old man living in France. Last year I dated a 30 year old woman in the US, and kept things really casual (I knew she wanted to be more than dating but it was not reciprocal). Now she is ...
82
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14answers
30k views

How to enforce a “No Shoes” policy in my apartment?

I like to keep my apartment floor clean, as I enjoy walking around with bare feet after a shower without having to worry about them becoming dirty. As such, I don't like shoes beyond the doorway in my ...
4
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2answers
717 views

How do I keep in touch with a friend without spending long amounts of time with him?

So I became friends with this guy in college about a year ago. He's not a very social person - I don't know any of his other friends, he doesn't share personal information easily, and is barely on ...
82
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10answers
27k views

How do I gently reject an indecent proposal?

Background People: Bob, John and Alice are old acquaintances of mine. They are a little older than me, mid-to-late twenties. We are not close friends, but we get along together well and see each ...
6
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2answers
3k views

How to (politely) tell someone they are not welcome in your home

A friend of mine, Chris, recently had a massive falling out with their "step-mom", Mary. That part they've learned to accept, but the problem is that Mary is the mother to one of Chris' siblings that ...
6
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1answer
871 views

How to approach boundary setting when family composition changes?

My wife's sister is very close to our family, and over the course of the last few years, it's become a common practice for her to do her laundry at our house. I don't generally mind this, my wife ...
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3answers
1k views

How to help my girlfriend be more expressive of herself and develop own identity

I have a girlfriend whom I love very much. She is very intelligent and has a warm, caring personality. However, one thing I noticed is that she is somewhat reluctant to have her own opinions on a lot ...
5
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0answers
304 views

How can I not agressively let my friend know I don't want to be hugged/touched? [duplicate]

I have a friend with whom I was very, very close in the past. We would hug often (as a greeting/goodbye, but those kinds of long hugs); we would be sitting together and it would happen that our legs/...
6
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1answer
484 views

Helping my mom accept that I can't be available as much as she wants

My mom moved to the same city as my wife and I about 5 years ago. It's always been a bit rocky, but there is probably one theme that comes up the most regularly. To put it simply, her expectations ...
140
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11answers
54k views

How to tell girlfriend I don't want to meet without hurting her feelings?

My girlfriend and I have "fixed" days we see each other, because we normally don't have time on other days. Sometimes, it happens that her training gets cancelled and she has time that evening and ...
3
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2answers
3k views

How to tell a roommate to stop using stuff around the apartment that does not belong to him?

So we have a problematic, new roommate, "Michael", who uses all of our stuff, when he's not supposed to be doing so. We typically have our own toilet paper, soap, dishes, paper towels, etc., and don'...
9
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3answers
1k views

How can I diplomatically ask my neighbor to move his/her patio off my garage wall to stop damp

I have just moved in to a new (to me. 6 years old) house and have yet to meet the neighbors. I have since noticed my inside garage wall was damp. Inspecting outside the dampness was caused by the ...
3
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1answer
1k views

Friend not returning vacuum I let her borrow

My friend needed to clean her house and I let her borrow my vacuum. It’s been over a month and she still hasn’t returned it. She said she had asked me to pick it up the following day, but I never ...
52
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3answers
9k views

How to decline physical affection from a child whose parents are pressuring them?

My Situation I am an uncle to 6 nieces and nephews. I live about 1000 miles away from the rest of my family, so I only see them 2-3 times each year. When it comes time to say goodbye, it is common ...
61
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15answers
39k views

How to let people know I don't appreciate being ignored in instant messaging?

When talking with people through instant messenger or texting, I find it rude when someone doesn't reply. The other day I had met up with someone I knew from school. He told me about a business idea ...
6
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1answer
628 views

How do I call out (tell him his behavior is unacceptable) a narcissistic father?

TL;DR: I want to communicate to my narcissistic father that it is unacceptable that he is attempting to blackmail my sister. Refer to my past questions for more information regarding my father and ...
5
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1answer
455 views

How do you ask friends not to be so hard on you?

I was out with a group of friends listening to some music. A couple of them were grilling me and asking why I made decisions that I now regret. For example, I said I wish I had gone to a different ...
40
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5answers
13k views

How do I reject helping my neighbour who constantly asks me for little favours?

My neighbour is constantly asking me for little favours, which is super obnoxious. She regularly asks me to maintain her smartphone as she has no clue what to do with a smartphone and keeps ...
-1
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1answer
397 views

Convey the wish of being grandparent while acknowledging your children views [closed]

There are multiple questions about expressing to family/friends that you don't or might not want children. I personally feel that my father's side of the family didn't do a great job about ...
135
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17answers
37k views

How do I deal with a coworker who unplugs my monitor because I didn't turn it off?

Background: I have a coworker - let's call her Anne - who believes that saving energy wherever possible is everyone's most important responsibility. Anne has made that clear from the day that I joined ...
17
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2answers
1k views

Helping a child enforce boundaries with strangers

I have a four-year-old granddaughter with beautiful curly hair. I had put it in braids and was in the store with her, and an older man came up and flipped the braids, commenting on her hair. I just ...
7
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3answers
2k views

How can I tell to my friend that her behavior is weird to me?

Background I'm a 14-year old female and I've been friends with this specific girl for about 9 months. She has been really 'touchy-feely' with me for the past month. I'm the type of person that doesn'...
60
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15answers
25k views

How to stop people from touching me without having to freak out at them

I have a problem that I haven't been able to find an amicable solution to so far. I really don't like being touched, to the point where if someone is touching me unexpectedly I get confusion rising to ...
31
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5answers
6k views

How to communicate to coworkers that I am not comfortable with celebratory hugs

I have three coworkers that I work with directly (one being the manager of our "pod"). As a team we generally work on weekly goals with a meeting at the end of the week to go over accomplishments and ...
12
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3answers
811 views

Asking family members to respect my space

I am a 17 year old female living with my parents, a brother and sister. Everyday when I get back from school I enjoy my alone time in my room as I get tired of being around people the whole day quite ...
9
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5answers
1k views

How to convey to a person that I am not interested in talking to him?

I have a senior colleague at work with whom I do not wish to talk. He makes it a point to come over and talk to me despite me giving him a very clear cold shoulder. He stands there even when I have ...
5
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2answers
519 views

How can I properly refuse my mother's help?

I'm living in a theocratic country, where people have to study religion in schools and universities extensively, no matter the field of study. And holding different views from the mainstream religion ...
4
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6answers
1k views

Dealing with long-time friends that only reach out when they need something from me?

I get this quite often. The most recent situation happened today. A friend of 15 years asked me for a favour. We used to be close but over the years we grew out of our shared interests. Nowadays, we'...
7
votes
3answers
642 views

How to politely decline an equipment rent request?

Recently, my acquaintance asked me to do him a favor. He wants to borrow my ski googles for a week-end (2 days). I don't really want to lend them to him, because we are not close at all, furthermore ...
2
votes
2answers
1k views

How do I set the boundaries I’m not ok with how someone is speaking to me? [closed]

I live in a shared household. I was speaking with someone, call him Bob, in the kitchen. I needed to speak with another roommate, call him Dylan, and asked Bob which room he lives in (Dylan moved in ...
67
votes
11answers
21k views

How can I know whether a female house guest is interested in more than a friendly visit?

We have met around 4 months ago, we both are from the same country and are on an internship abroad. She lives quite far from me (around 400 km). We have chatted a bit since we've met and our ...
12
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3answers
916 views

How to find out, if it is ok to hug (opposite sex)?

I am male and I regularly hug my good male and good female friends. At the very least when saying Hello and Goodbye. I have the feeling that is not uncommon here in Germany. Now, I have a a small ...
43
votes
14answers
17k views

How can I deny a request from the mother of my girlfriend to tag along on our road trip?

Background My girlfriend and I are going on a holiday in her native country, about 800km from our current city. We planned this holiday months ago and we planned to stay for 2 weeks. Problem Today ...
3
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1answer
1k views

How can I ask to continue a friendship after we accidentally took it to a romantic level?

Backstory I'm going through a difficult separation from my alcohol-abusing abusive wife and I've got custody of the children. Through the Q&A forum I met a woman who is in a similar situation, ...
6
votes
1answer
481 views

How do I get my friends to understand that I won't be social ALL the time and tolerate their scoff when I say 'I'm studying'

For a few months, I've been going out to wherever they've called. Spent money on food outside, had drinks with these folks. I have my exams coming up. Every time I get a text saying 'Hey, what's up! ...
11
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3answers
1k views

How to suggest to friend that he should clean up after himself in another's home

In our group of friends, "Mike" always hosts game nights, study sessions, etc. The rest of us never can return the favor since we don't have enough space and privacy. I feel it's the least I can do to ...
23
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7answers
8k views

How can I tell someone that their teasing is hurting my feelings?

There are times and situations that teasing someone can create a bond of friendship and that the bond created is a result of a well-meaning intention to prepare a person for what they might encounter ...
5
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3answers
829 views

How to ask someone to stop addressing me with a certain form of endearment

I have a friend whose family I also know. Her mother likes me, and addresses me as her "(my ethnicity) daughter", or herself as my "(her ethnicity) mother" as a form of endearment. I live in a Western,...
10
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6answers
1k views

If I want a child to stop a behavior, should I talk directly to the child or to the parents?

Consider a case where a young child is doing something that directly impacts me, and most everyone would consider it reasonable to want them to stop. Here are a few real examples of things they've ...
13
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3answers
1k views

Gently turning down undesired physical contact/setting boundaries in a nightclub environment

In many ways this question mirrors Asking a girl whether she would like to dance with me The setting: I am alone in a nightclub. I am located in a city/region known for being culturally progressive ...
8
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2answers
680 views

A stranger on the street accidentaly dropped their wallet: if and how may I point it out to them?

While walking down the street I noticed another pedestrian, who was ahead of me, accidentally dropping his wallet. I did not stare at this wallet, of course, but it wasn't hard to notice that it ...
21
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7answers
8k views

How can I initiate a talk of money with my friend about his business idea?

This is kind of a follow up to How to decline additional help when friend won't take no for an answer My friend has a business idea that he wants me to build an app for. I'm still deciding my ...