Questions tagged [boundaries]

This tag should be used when boundaries (either yours or someone else's) play a major role in the situation at hand. This could involve questions about how to respect other people's boundaries, how to handle overstepping someone's boundaries, establishing your own boundaries, or handling someone who has overstepped your boundaries.

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5
votes
3answers
643 views

How to gently turn down digital small-talk and prevent any new attempts at having it?

The corona virus has everybody working from home. And it seems all of management is recommending to 'stay in contact', to talk with each other digitally. Which may be fun, when it's actually planned ...
40
votes
7answers
8k views

How to deal with an annoying front passenger?

Background Don't be surprised at the use of the plural here. I'm talking about two different people displaying the same behaviour and sharing other characteristics. However, each time only one of ...
2
votes
2answers
425 views

How to explain to friends that I can do the technical part of making a website, but they have to come up with the content?

Where I live the economy isn't great for people trying to get into the tech industry, and that was before COVID-19. I would be happy to make websites for free for my friends. This would give me ...
60
votes
17answers
23k views

Answer to: “Why aren't you with your boyfriend right now?”

I have a boyfriend, but still live with my parents and siblings. We've been dating for 8 months. It seems that every time I have a spare moment with my significant other (SO) not present, someone's ...
17
votes
3answers
6k views

My best friend kissed me while I was half asleep. How can I bring this up and set boundaries, without making a big deal about it?

I am a 23-year-old woman and have been going through depression due to several life situations. I have a guy best friend (engaged) whom I am very close to. He has been acting as my support system to ...
1
vote
2answers
777 views

How do I discuss boundaries and moving out with my son?

I am a mother, I need to talk with my son, let's call him Jay, about moving out. He is 28 and has had severe depression over the years. He left college after the 1st year and has had several jobs. To ...
64
votes
7answers
13k views

Dealing with unwanted “Joking” physical contact

This isn't really a sexual thing, just something that makes me uncomfortable. So I hate having my hair up or braiding it or doing anything with it in general because I think it looks weird and it's ...
39
votes
4answers
8k views

How can I tell my husband I need time for myself without work?

I studied Computer Science and now work full-time as a developer. When I come home from work, I want to spend some time with my husband and the kid until bed time, and then play video games or crochet ...
-6
votes
2answers
609 views

For the girl of my heart? [closed]

I am a 20 yr old university student, pretty much matured. The story begins 2 years ago when our uni new admissions was started, at that new batch I saw a girl and I've found her so attractive that I ...
13
votes
4answers
1k views

How to ask my mother to stop giving me unsolicited (health related) advices?

I have a lot of mental health issues and my mother tends to think that fixing my life is her duty. As such, she will often give me unsolicited health advice so that I could get "better". She would ...
0
votes
2answers
572 views

How to talk to someone who is interfering with my parenting?

I am an introvert and recently moved into a house where I live with my wife's brothers as their mom has recently died. The elder brother of my wife is very cocky and proud and yet does nothing. He is ...
6
votes
3answers
19k views

A friend blocked me, now I want to make amends [closed]

I was wrong to a person via instant messaging. She blocked me on social media. Two months have gone by, I've done some soul searching, and I miss talking to her. I have her phone number. I could ...
20
votes
2answers
2k views

Partner temporary moving in, how to enforce it's temporary?

I live alone and I just love it. I have a girlfriend (of 5 years) who I also love, and since the start of our relationship I've told her that "living together would not happen." To make a long story ...
64
votes
15answers
79k views

How to let people know I don't appreciate being ignored in instant messaging?

When talking with people through instant messenger or texting, I find it rude when someone doesn't reply. The other day I had met up with someone I knew from school. He told me about a business idea ...
11
votes
2answers
2k views

How do you deal with someone who is nosy, projects their feelings about career, and gives unsolicited advice in that area?

A friend of a friend has on multiple occasions aggressively asked how my self-study for software engineering interviews is going. Most recently I answered very briefly, because I find it too nosy and ...
0
votes
1answer
764 views

Possible Girlfriend in the ICU [closed]

Long story ahead, you've been warned. Could really use sound advice here. Some background first, I'm terrible at reading social cues, to the point when I was younger medicos told my parents I might ...
6
votes
5answers
1k views

How can I tell a friend about a future trip without upsetting another friend, who wants me to hold the truth about it?

Soon, I'll be going on a trip for one weekend; "Friend B", who is planning this trip, wants to exclude "Friend A" who will likely ask me sometime during the trip what I'm up to. "Friend B" reiterated ...
13
votes
1answer
1k views

How to handle my ex touching me against my wishes when he is visiting our daughter?

I left my daughter's father during the pregnancy because we were having many issues and things with him were not changing. It's been a year since I moved back to my mom's and left him, and my daughter ...
8
votes
1answer
893 views

Tactfully avoiding sharing food with a friend

Note: one of my best friends is in this situation with her friends, so I'm asking this question for her (from her perspective). I have a friend, Alice, who I was very close with in college. We'd ...
12
votes
3answers
1k views

How to tell my mother not to visit?

I left my mother's home to live on my own 8,5 years ago. Since then, no one in my family has visited me once. Some years ago, my mother even dismissed my idea to visit me when I suggested to do so, I ...
31
votes
7answers
16k views

How to make someone respect your time when making plans without being rude?

Ok, here is my situation. I met this guy a few months ago, we met a couple of times (not dating, just as friends). We don't talk often but every once in a month or two he suggests that we would get ...
14
votes
2answers
2k views

How to tell my ex not to expect sex

I'm a 25 year old man living in France. Last year I dated a 30 year old woman in the US, and kept things really casual (I knew she wanted to be more than dating but it was not reciprocal). Now she is ...
82
votes
14answers
32k views

How to enforce a “No Shoes” policy in my apartment?

I like to keep my apartment floor clean, as I enjoy walking around with bare feet after a shower without having to worry about them becoming dirty. As such, I don't like shoes beyond the doorway in my ...
4
votes
2answers
780 views

How do I keep in touch with a friend without spending long amounts of time with him?

So I became friends with this guy in college about a year ago. He's not a very social person - I don't know any of his other friends, he doesn't share personal information easily, and is barely on ...
83
votes
10answers
28k views

How do I gently reject an indecent proposal?

Background People: Bob, John and Alice are old acquaintances of mine. They are a little older than me, mid-to-late twenties. We are not close friends, but we get along together well and see each ...
6
votes
2answers
4k views

How to (politely) tell someone they are not welcome in your home

A friend of mine, Chris, recently had a massive falling out with their "step-mom", Mary. That part they've learned to accept, but the problem is that Mary is the mother to one of Chris' siblings that ...
6
votes
1answer
915 views

How to approach boundary setting when family composition changes?

My wife's sister is very close to our family, and over the course of the last few years, it's become a common practice for her to do her laundry at our house. I don't generally mind this, my wife ...
1
vote
3answers
1k views

How to help my girlfriend be more expressive of herself and develop own identity

I have a girlfriend whom I love very much. She is very intelligent and has a warm, caring personality. However, one thing I noticed is that she is somewhat reluctant to have her own opinions on a lot ...
5
votes
0answers
306 views

How can I not agressively let my friend know I don't want to be hugged/touched? [duplicate]

I have a friend with whom I was very, very close in the past. We would hug often (as a greeting/goodbye, but those kinds of long hugs); we would be sitting together and it would happen that our legs/...
6
votes
1answer
513 views

Helping my mom accept that I can't be available as much as she wants

My mom moved to the same city as my wife and I about 5 years ago. It's always been a bit rocky, but there is probably one theme that comes up the most regularly. To put it simply, her expectations ...
141
votes
11answers
68k views

How to tell girlfriend I don't want to meet without hurting her feelings?

My girlfriend and I have "fixed" days we see each other, because we normally don't have time on other days. Sometimes, it happens that her training gets cancelled and she has time that evening and ...
4
votes
2answers
4k views

How to tell a roommate to stop using stuff around the apartment that does not belong to him?

So we have a problematic, new roommate, "Michael", who uses all of our stuff, when he's not supposed to be doing so. We typically have our own toilet paper, soap, dishes, paper towels, etc., and don'...
9
votes
3answers
1k views

How can I diplomatically ask my neighbor to move his/her patio off my garage wall to stop damp

I have just moved in to a new (to me. 6 years old) house and have yet to meet the neighbors. I have since noticed my inside garage wall was damp. Inspecting outside the dampness was caused by the ...
3
votes
1answer
1k views

Friend not returning vacuum I let her borrow

My friend needed to clean her house and I let her borrow my vacuum. It’s been over a month and she still hasn’t returned it. She said she had asked me to pick it up the following day, but I never ...
52
votes
3answers
9k views

How to decline physical affection from a child whose parents are pressuring them?

My Situation I am an uncle to 6 nieces and nephews. I live about 1000 miles away from the rest of my family, so I only see them 2-3 times each year. When it comes time to say goodbye, it is common ...
6
votes
1answer
683 views

How do I call out (tell him his behavior is unacceptable) a narcissistic father?

TL;DR: I want to communicate to my narcissistic father that it is unacceptable that he is attempting to blackmail my sister. Refer to my past questions for more information regarding my father and ...
5
votes
1answer
464 views

How do you ask friends not to be so hard on you?

I was out with a group of friends listening to some music. A couple of them were grilling me and asking why I made decisions that I now regret. For example, I said I wish I had gone to a different ...
39
votes
5answers
15k views

How do I reject helping my neighbour who constantly asks me for little favours?

My neighbour is constantly asking me for little favours, which is super obnoxious. She regularly asks me to maintain her smartphone as she has no clue what to do with a smartphone and keeps ...
-1
votes
1answer
412 views

Convey the wish of being grandparent while acknowledging your children views [closed]

There are multiple questions about expressing to family/friends that you don't or might not want children. I personally feel that my father's side of the family didn't do a great job about ...
137
votes
17answers
38k views

How do I deal with a coworker who unplugs my monitor because I didn't turn it off?

Background: I have a coworker - let's call her Anne - who believes that saving energy wherever possible is everyone's most important responsibility. Anne has made that clear from the day that I joined ...
17
votes
2answers
1k views

Helping a child enforce boundaries with strangers

I have a four-year-old granddaughter with beautiful curly hair. I had put it in braids and was in the store with her, and an older man came up and flipped the braids, commenting on her hair. I just ...
8
votes
3answers
2k views

How can I tell to my friend that her behavior is weird to me?

Background I'm a 14-year old female and I've been friends with this specific girl for about 9 months. She has been really 'touchy-feely' with me for the past month. I'm the type of person that doesn'...
59
votes
15answers
31k views

How to stop people from touching me without having to freak out at them

I have a problem that I haven't been able to find an amicable solution to so far. I really don't like being touched, to the point where if someone is touching me unexpectedly I get confusion rising to ...
30
votes
5answers
6k views

How to communicate to coworkers that I am not comfortable with celebratory hugs

I have three coworkers that I work with directly (one being the manager of our "pod"). As a team we generally work on weekly goals with a meeting at the end of the week to go over accomplishments and ...
12
votes
3answers
854 views

Asking family members to respect my space

I am a 17 year old female living with my parents, a brother and sister. Everyday when I get back from school I enjoy my alone time in my room as I get tired of being around people the whole day quite ...
9
votes
5answers
1k views

How to convey to a person that I am not interested in talking to him?

I have a senior colleague at work with whom I do not wish to talk. He makes it a point to come over and talk to me despite me giving him a very clear cold shoulder. He stands there even when I have ...
5
votes
2answers
545 views

How can I properly refuse my mother's help?

I'm living in a theocratic country, where people have to study religion in schools and universities extensively, no matter the field of study. And holding different views from the mainstream religion ...
4
votes
6answers
3k views

Dealing with long-time friends that only reach out when they need something from me?

I get this quite often. The most recent situation happened today. A friend of 15 years asked me for a favour. We used to be close but over the years we grew out of our shared interests. Nowadays, we'...
7
votes
3answers
717 views

How to politely decline an equipment rent request?

Recently, my acquaintance asked me to do him a favor. He wants to borrow my ski googles for a week-end (2 days). I don't really want to lend them to him, because we are not close at all, furthermore ...
2
votes
2answers
1k views

How do I set the boundaries I’m not ok with how someone is speaking to me? [closed]

I live in a shared household. I was speaking with someone, call him Bob, in the kitchen. I needed to speak with another roommate, call him Dylan, and asked Bob which room he lives in (Dylan moved in ...