Questions tagged [boundaries]
This tag should be used when boundaries (either yours or someone else's) play a major role in the situation at hand. This could involve questions about how to respect other people's boundaries, how to handle overstepping someone's boundaries, establishing your own boundaries, or handling someone who has overstepped your boundaries.
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How to tell girlfriend I don't want to meet without hurting her feelings?
My girlfriend and I have "fixed" days we see each other, because we normally don't have time on other days. Sometimes, it happens that her training gets cancelled and she has time that evening and ...
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129
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10
answers
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I live in a desirable, world-famous vacation spot. How do I handle visiting friends and set healthy boundaries?
I currently live in a desirable locale which is a world-famous vacation spot. Suddenly, I have a lot of friends and they want to visit me.
I don't want to be rude but I have a few issues:
For them, ...
- 1,163
13
votes
3
answers
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When in queue at the supermarket, how do I get my personal space?
A quick cultural and personal background: this refers to Germany, and I am terrible at handling ANY kind of even mild conflict with people, especially people I don't know.
When in queue in a ...
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11
votes
4
answers
937
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How can I tell a friend that their self-published book needs editing?
Background
An acquaintance of mine and his wife just self-published a very short book. Unfortunately, it has scores of grammatical mistakes on most pages. My friend and his wife have a great message ...
- 213
8
votes
1
answer
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Tactfully avoiding sharing food with a friend
Note: one of my best friends is in this situation with her friends, so I'm asking this question for her (from her perspective).
I have a friend, Alice, who I was very close with in college. We'd ...
- 15.2k
136
votes
7
answers
35k
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Girlfriend's nosy mother keeps expressing that she'll show up unannounced
Some context: my girlfriend and I have been dating for a year, and we've decided to move in together now that she has graduated and found a job in her chosen career. We're both financially ...
- 1,213
125
votes
12
answers
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How do I tell a co-worker that just because something is a hobby doesn't mean I want to do it for free?
I enjoy baking, and on a number of occasions have baked cakes or other desserts for people in the office to celebrate their birthday or a work-related milestone. I've done this of my own accord, ...
- 2,467
120
votes
15
answers
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Partner reading my phone messages [closed]
My girlfriend and I are 27-28 years of age. Recently I have caught her going through my phone when I am out of the room and read my text messages, e-mails, Facebook..., checking who I was interacting ...
- 1,210
83
votes
10
answers
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How do I gently reject an indecent proposal?
Background
People:
Bob, John and Alice are old acquaintances of mine. They are a little older than me, mid-to-late twenties. We are not close friends, but we get along together well and see each other ...
68
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6
answers
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How to handle my girlfriend finding out about my second apartment? [closed]
I love my girlfriend but my need for alone time to focus on my interests exceeds most individuals. We moved in together about 18 months ago (she moved across the country with me when I had a job ...
- 2,039
66
votes
15
answers
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How to let people know I don't appreciate being ignored in instant messaging?
When talking with people through instant messenger or texting, I find it rude when someone doesn't reply. The other day I had met up with someone I knew from school. He told me about a business idea ...
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64
votes
7
answers
14k
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Dealing with unwanted "Joking" physical contact
This isn't really a sexual thing, just something that makes me uncomfortable.
So I hate having my hair up or braiding it or doing anything with it in general because I think it looks weird and it's ...
- 441
59
votes
15
answers
43k
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How to stop people from touching me without having to freak out at them
I have a problem that I haven't been able to find an amicable solution to so far. I really don't like being touched, to the point where if someone is touching me unexpectedly I get confusion rising to ...
- 10.7k
42
votes
6
answers
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How can I convince my parents to respect my privacy?
I am a 14-year-old Egyptian Muslim currently living with my parents.
When I try to keep my room's door closed, my parents are always like "Why close it?" and when I reply "I want some privacy" they ...
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39
votes
4
answers
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How can I get my friend to stop calling me every day? [duplicate]
I have a close friend who I have been very supportive of each-other and it's been a relatively decent friendship but lately it's gotten out of hand.
My friend calls me 3 to 4 times a day and texts me ...
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33
votes
12
answers
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How to handle unwanted touching from my partner's friend during conversations?
My partner recently reunited with a friend "Bob" from high school, who has also recently been divorced from his wife of 25 years. He has been visiting us quite often lately and we do enjoy having him ...
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32
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7
answers
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How to make someone respect your time when making plans without being rude?
Ok, here is my situation. I met this guy a few months ago, we met a couple of times (not dating, just as friends). We don't talk often but every once in a month or two he suggests that we would get ...
- 1,223
32
votes
15
answers
14k
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Dealing with a friend trying to get me a girlfriend
TL;DR: Bruce is pushing for me to enter a relationship with Mary, and I like Mary, but don't want any relationship right now, and I want him to back off.
The People
Me: I am not interested in a ...
- 753
20
votes
5
answers
4k
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How to convey who will be asked to join my wife and me in the delivery room without causing offense?
My wife and I have just started trying to expand our family. Last night, the topic randomly came up of who should be in the delivery room with us (if we are lucky enough to conceive) as my wife asked ...
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17
votes
2
answers
1k
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Helping a child enforce boundaries with strangers
I have a four-year-old granddaughter with beautiful curly hair. I had put it in braids and was in the store with her, and an older man came up and flipped the braids, commenting on her hair. I just ...
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15
votes
2
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1k
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How can I estimate the length of my responses or reactions to avoid wasting others' time?
I often notice for myself, as well as for certain other people, that depending on personality and some other subtle factors, there are types of people who (usually unintentionally) start over-...
- 1,104
14
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4
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How to ask my mother to stop giving me unsolicited (health related) advices?
I have a lot of mental health issues and my mother tends to think that fixing my life is her duty. As such, she will often give me unsolicited health advice so that I could get "better".
She would ...
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13
votes
3
answers
2k
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How to find out, if it is ok to hug (opposite sex)?
I am male and I regularly hug my good male and good female friends. At the very least when saying Hello and Goodbye. I have the feeling that is not uncommon here in Germany.
Now, I have a a small ...
12
votes
2
answers
2k
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How do I follow through after setting a boundary for a friend who throws loud parties at my place?
I have a family friend I have known for years who now lives in a different city, but when he comes home to see his parents, etc, he likes to stay at my place.
I'm totally fine with this, but recently ...
- 121
12
votes
3
answers
1k
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Asking family members to respect my space
I am a 17 year old female living with my parents, a brother and sister. Everyday when I get back from school I enjoy my alone time in my room as I get tired of being around people the whole day quite ...
- 121
10
votes
1
answer
2k
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Neighbor unhappy with the fact I asked his kids to return our toys
My neighbour came over yesterday and addressed me in a rather aggressive tone, he complained that 'kids will be kids' and that 'my bins shouldn't be where they are'. He has never mentioned the bins ...
- 257
9
votes
5
answers
985
views
How to set and enforce a divergent personal boundary for a single problematic person in an online group of people?
Background
I have been playing an online mobile phone game for about 3 years now. The game is about building a castle, an army, and you go and attack either other players or computer generated targets....
- 33.9k
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votes
3
answers
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How to stop conversations about my love life?
From time to time I go out with my friends and their partners (or even at work during lunch time), and sometimes my love life is brought into the conversation (since I have the right age to start a ...
- 955
8
votes
6
answers
1k
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How to decline additional help when friend won't take no for an answer
A friend of mine has a business idea. He asked if I knew how to make (smartphone) apps, and I said yes. I recently graduated and currently have some spare time for a side project and could see this ...
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8
votes
3
answers
3k
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How can I tell to my friend that her behavior is weird to me?
Background
I'm a 14-year old female and I've been friends with this specific girl for about 9 months. She has been really 'touchy-feely' with me for the past month. I'm the type of person that doesn'...
- 81
7
votes
2
answers
2k
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How do I stop my mother from interrupting me every 5 minutes?
I'm exasperated by the behaviour of my mother and I don't know how to make her stop, please propose some solution... I'm a 21 year old student far from home most of the year, and I'm currently in my ...
- 268
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votes
1
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How to communicate to someone at work that they are overstepping boundaries
My manager at work will frequently ask personal questions that I feel are none of his business as my manager. The questions are of a very personal nature. Asking about my parents, or what I am doing ...
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3
answers
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How to politely decline an equipment rent request?
Recently, my acquaintance asked me to do him a favor. He wants to borrow my ski googles for a week-end (2 days).
I don't really want to lend them to him, because we are not close at all, furthermore ...
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6
votes
3
answers
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A friend blocked me, now I want to make amends [closed]
I was wrong to a person via instant messaging. She blocked me on social media.
Two months have gone by, I've done some soul searching, and I miss talking to her.
I have her phone number. I could ...
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6
votes
1
answer
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How do I call out (tell him his behavior is unacceptable) a narcissistic father?
TL;DR: I want to communicate to my narcissistic father that it is unacceptable that he is attempting to blackmail my sister.
Refer to my past questions for more information regarding my father and ...
- 3,575
4
votes
4
answers
2k
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How to establish boundaries in a friendship when the friend does not understand, while preserving mutual friend group
Background: I am a guy who has traveled quite a bit across the U.S. and made a lot of friends due to an organization that I am a part of (not work related). Last year I went to visit some of these ...
- 281
3
votes
3
answers
937
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How to convince people I don't want to attend an event?
Note- I used the 'United-States' tag, but this takes place on the US-Canada border.
TL;DR: There is an event that everyone is excited for but me, and I don't know how to convince people I don't want ...
- 753
3
votes
3
answers
2k
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How to ask ex to not be too personal
I dated the same guy all throughout high school (yes, all of high school-- as a summary: he's a year older and lived about 20 minutes away from me, it was pretty serious) and the relationship lasted ...
- 39
2
votes
2
answers
719
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Housemates, setting boundaries early
Background
I previously asked, How can I ask my housemate to put my things back? Someone suggested that I could have avoided ever needing to solve this problem by establishing boundaries early on.
I'...
user9959
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votes
2
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How do I set the boundaries I’m not ok with how someone is speaking to me? [closed]
I live in a shared household. I was speaking with someone, call him Bob, in the kitchen. I needed to speak with another roommate, call him Dylan, and asked Bob which room he lives in (Dylan moved in ...
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