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Questions tagged [boundaries]

This tag should be used when boundaries (either yours or someone else's) play a major role in the situation at hand. This could involve questions about how to respect other people's boundaries, how to handle overstepping someone's boundaries, establishing your own boundaries, or handling someone who has overstepped your boundaries.

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143 votes
11 answers
97k views

How to tell girlfriend I don't want to meet without hurting her feelings?

My girlfriend and I have "fixed" days we see each other, because we normally don't have time on other days. Sometimes, it happens that her training gets cancelled and she has time that evening and ...
XtremeBaumer's user avatar
  • 3,964
136 votes
17 answers
39k views

How do I deal with a coworker who unplugs my monitor because I didn't turn it off?

Background: I have a coworker - let's call her Anne - who believes that saving energy wherever possible is everyone's most important responsibility. Anne has made that clear from the day that I joined ...
kscherrer's user avatar
  • 4,859
135 votes
7 answers
35k views

Girlfriend's nosy mother keeps expressing that she'll show up unannounced

Some context: my girlfriend and I have been dating for a year, and we've decided to move in together now that she has graduated and found a job in her chosen career. We're both financially ...
Cork's user avatar
  • 1,213
128 votes
10 answers
30k views

I live in a desirable, world-famous vacation spot. How do I handle visiting friends and set healthy boundaries?

I currently live in a desirable locale which is a world-famous vacation spot. Suddenly, I have a lot of friends and they want to visit me. I don't want to be rude but I have a few issues: For them, ...
magma's user avatar
  • 1,163
124 votes
12 answers
27k views

How do I tell a co-worker that just because something is a hobby doesn't mean I want to do it for free?

I enjoy baking, and on a number of occasions have baked cakes or other desserts for people in the office to celebrate their birthday or a work-related milestone. I've done this of my own accord, ...
Fodder's user avatar
  • 2,447
120 votes
15 answers
78k views

Partner reading my phone messages [closed]

My girlfriend and I are 27-28 years of age. Recently I have caught her going through my phone when I am out of the room and read my text messages, e-mails, Facebook..., checking who I was interacting ...
Jeremy's user avatar
  • 1,200
98 votes
5 answers
22k views

How to talk to a one night stand about her potential breast lumps issues?

I'm Brazilian, 23, and I went on a date with a Tinder match yesterday afternoon. At some point things got more intense and as I was fondling her breasts I felt two big lumps on her left one. We've ...
Henrique Bispo's user avatar
83 votes
10 answers
30k views

How do I gently reject an indecent proposal?

Background People: Bob, John and Alice are old acquaintances of mine. They are a little older than me, mid-to-late twenties. We are not close friends, but we get along together well and see each other ...
Anne Daunted GoFundMonica's user avatar
82 votes
14 answers
39k views

How do I politely explain to my neighbour that I don't feel comfortable being alone with her in her house while my kids play?

We recently moved into a new neighborhood, as did our neighbor, Jane. I have two young girls (4 and 5), and Jane has a boy and girl (7 I think?). My kids love to play with them, and her kids seem to ...
MrDuk's user avatar
  • 915
82 votes
14 answers
37k views

How to enforce a "No Shoes" policy in my apartment?

I like to keep my apartment floor clean, as I enjoy walking around with bare feet after a shower without having to worry about them becoming dirty. As such, I don't like shoes beyond the doorway in my ...
scohe001's user avatar
  • 15.2k
68 votes
10 answers
25k views

How can I know whether a female house guest is interested in more than a friendly visit?

We have met around 4 months ago, we both are from the same country and are on an internship abroad. She lives quite far from me (around 400 km). We have chatted a bit since we've met and our ...
Deutche Knabe's user avatar
68 votes
6 answers
37k views

How to handle my girlfriend finding out about my second apartment? [closed]

I love my girlfriend but my need for alone time to focus on my interests exceeds most individuals. We moved in together about 18 months ago (she moved across the country with me when I had a job ...
Steve's user avatar
  • 2,029
65 votes
15 answers
135k views

How to let people know I don't appreciate being ignored in instant messaging?

When talking with people through instant messenger or texting, I find it rude when someone doesn't reply. The other day I had met up with someone I knew from school. He told me about a business idea ...
pullover123's user avatar
64 votes
7 answers
14k views

Dealing with unwanted "Joking" physical contact

This isn't really a sexual thing, just something that makes me uncomfortable. So I hate having my hair up or braiding it or doing anything with it in general because I think it looks weird and it's ...
Elle's user avatar
  • 441
60 votes
7 answers
24k views

How to ask for a wish from a woman?

For context, I am a twenty-four-year-old man. Recently I made the acquaintance of a woman who is twelve years older than myself. I was instantly struck by her extreme beauty and made efforts to form a ...
user avatar
59 votes
17 answers
24k views

Answer to: "Why aren't you with your boyfriend right now?"

I have a boyfriend, but still live with my parents and siblings. We've been dating for 8 months. It seems that every time I have a spare moment with my significant other (SO) not present, someone's ...
Hekx's user avatar
  • 693
59 votes
15 answers
45k views

How to stop people from touching me without having to freak out at them

I have a problem that I haven't been able to find an amicable solution to so far. I really don't like being touched, to the point where if someone is touching me unexpectedly I get confusion rising to ...
Magisch's user avatar
  • 10.7k
55 votes
12 answers
25k views

How should my wife handle an engaged admirer and his fiancee?

My wife is currently attending university (final year) and, over the course of our 8 year relationship, she has inadvertently drawn the attention of a number of individuals who seek a relationship ...
Kallum Tanton's user avatar
52 votes
3 answers
10k views

How to decline physical affection from a child whose parents are pressuring them?

My Situation I am an uncle to 6 nieces and nephews. I live about 1000 miles away from the rest of my family, so I only see them 2-3 times each year. When it comes time to say goodbye, it is common ...
Rainbacon's user avatar
  • 9,012
44 votes
14 answers
14k views

How can I address a man talking inappropriately about women? [duplicate]

Source is this twitter thread: https://twitter.com/MalwareJake/status/976848126987374593 Excerpt: She said that the guy who appeared to be the unofficial group leader started talking about one of ...
Jan's user avatar
  • 565
42 votes
14 answers
19k views

How can I deny a request from the mother of my girlfriend to tag along on our road trip?

Background My girlfriend and I are going on a holiday in her native country, about 800km from our current city. We planned this holiday months ago and we planned to stay for 2 weeks. Problem Today ...
A.Danzi's user avatar
  • 944
42 votes
5 answers
22k views

How to handle my girlfriend's parents' attitude to asking her for money?

I'm asking this question on behalf of my girlfriend because she's asking me for help but I'm not sure on how to handle this situation. A little bit of background: My girlfriend's parents moved from ...
A.Danzi's user avatar
  • 944
42 votes
6 answers
11k views

How can I convince my parents to respect my privacy?

I am a 14-year-old Egyptian Muslim currently living with my parents. When I try to keep my room's door closed, my parents are always like "Why close it?" and when I reply "I want some privacy" they ...
Android Admirer's user avatar
41 votes
17 answers
22k views

How can I tell my boyfriend "I told you so" without sounding too full of myself?

What I'm about to describe is in relation to this How can I tell a friend they need to help with what they promised because what they promised can't wait? My boyfriend and I decided to help out ...
Tycho's Nose's user avatar
  • 7,496
41 votes
6 answers
15k views

Childhood friend wants to get a "best friends" tattoo but I do not think it is a good idea

Background I have a friend, we'll call her A, who I have known for nearly 20 years now. We are both in our early 20s now. Due to transitions we have both experienced over the last several years, other ...
Link0352's user avatar
  • 4,216
40 votes
4 answers
8k views

How can I tell my husband I need time for myself without work?

I studied Computer Science and now work full-time as a developer. When I come home from work, I want to spend some time with my husband and the kid until bed time, and then play video games or crochet ...
Kinaeh's user avatar
  • 1,062
39 votes
9 answers
20k views

How to negotiate with landlady in a shared home who flat out says "no"?

I moved into a shared home with roommates. The landlady and her husband are two of the roommates. I've been having issues with storage space. Today she was cleaning up and she was about to throw out (...
refbobby's user avatar
  • 858
39 votes
7 answers
10k views

How to deal with an annoying front passenger?

Background Don't be surprised at the use of the plural here. I'm talking about two different people displaying the same behaviour and sharing other characteristics. However, each time only one of them ...
Anne Daunted GoFundMonica's user avatar
39 votes
4 answers
38k views

How can I get my friend to stop calling me every day? [duplicate]

I have a close friend who I have been very supportive of each-other and it's been a relatively decent friendship but lately it's gotten out of hand. My friend calls me 3 to 4 times a day and texts me ...
Luis Wolfe's user avatar
38 votes
5 answers
19k views

How do I reject helping my neighbour who constantly asks me for little favours?

My neighbour is constantly asking me for little favours, which is super obnoxious. She regularly asks me to maintain her smartphone as she has no clue what to do with a smartphone and keeps ...
theDude823's user avatar
34 votes
11 answers
15k views

How can I politely tell my fellow tenants that I am not the caretaker?

I have 3 fellow tenants in the same building where I live. Every Monday evening, the refuse bins must be put out in the street so that the next morning the company could collect the garbage and empty ...
NerdGuy's user avatar
  • 349
32 votes
12 answers
22k views

How to handle unwanted touching from my partner's friend during conversations?

My partner recently reunited with a friend "Bob" from high school, who has also recently been divorced from his wife of 25 years. He has been visiting us quite often lately and we do enjoy having him ...
Tycho's Nose's user avatar
  • 7,496
32 votes
7 answers
53k views

How to make someone respect your time when making plans without being rude?

Ok, here is my situation. I met this guy a few months ago, we met a couple of times (not dating, just as friends). We don't talk often but every once in a month or two he suggests that we would get ...
sillygilz's user avatar
  • 1,183
32 votes
15 answers
15k views

Dealing with a friend trying to get me a girlfriend

TL;DR: Bruce is pushing for me to enter a relationship with Mary, and I like Mary, but don't want any relationship right now, and I want him to back off. The People Me: I am not interested in a ...
Imperator's user avatar
  • 743
31 votes
10 answers
14k views

How do I address my mother's concerns about my boyfriend's smoking?

My boyfriend smokes tobacco. (Once in a while, he might roll a joint. It helps him relax. I don't mind it because it's not on a daily basis). Both my mother and his parents know about it. I actually ...
Tycho's Nose's user avatar
  • 7,496
29 votes
5 answers
6k views

How to communicate to coworkers that I am not comfortable with celebratory hugs

I have three coworkers that I work with directly (one being the manager of our "pod"). As a team we generally work on weekly goals with a meeting at the end of the week to go over accomplishments and ...
Steve's user avatar
  • 2,029
28 votes
4 answers
6k views

How to handle leadership saying, "we have been over this"

I am a contractor (software development) that is currently in contract with a small business--about 6 employees. There is one project manager and one owner of the business. Both of those people seem ...
Jeff.Clark's user avatar
28 votes
6 answers
23k views

How should I respond to someone cleaning my house without me asking?

So I asked a family member to nip to my house to get something while I was at work and when I got home they had thoroughly cleaned most of my house except for the bedrooms. I don't mean they quickly ...
user avatar
25 votes
8 answers
4k views

How should I handle the "loudest" voice in a group project? [closed]

I am in a Software Engineering class in college. Person A likes to be the voice of everyone. For example, I would ask "What do you think of this?" And without any discussion and a very immediate ...
bedtime21's user avatar
  • 351
24 votes
6 answers
10k views

How to ask someone on a date when dating isn't usual in your culture?

Background One similar question is How to clearly communicate that you're asking someone on a date?, but here my situation is noticeably different. I am from India and many girls don't even ...
I am the Most Stupid Person's user avatar
23 votes
7 answers
13k views

How can I tell someone that their teasing is hurting my feelings?

There are times and situations that teasing someone can create a bond of friendship and that the bond created is a result of a well-meaning intention to prepare a person for what they might encounter ...
Anoplexian's user avatar
  • 3,318
23 votes
4 answers
5k views

How to ask for personal space from a new friend without hurting their feelings?

Sometimes you make a new friend who has more free time on hand than you, so the other person will expect more time from your side so asking for more space might be considered as rude or showing fake ...
Ankit Sharma's user avatar
  • 2,276
22 votes
6 answers
6k views

How to deal with unruly children that aren't yours?

I'm a 21 year old college student living with my girlfriend, her mother, and her mother's boyfriend. We've lived here, on and off, between my house and hers for the past 5 years. I don't consider this ...
Tyg13's user avatar
  • 323
21 votes
2 answers
2k views

Partner temporary moving in, how to enforce it's temporary?

I live alone and I just love it. I have a girlfriend (of 5 years) who I also love, and since the start of our relationship I've told her that "living together would not happen." To make a long story ...
hundredcats's user avatar
21 votes
7 answers
8k views

How can I initiate a talk of money with my friend about his business idea?

This is kind of a follow up to How to decline additional help when friend won't take no for an answer My friend has a business idea that he wants me to build an app for. I'm still deciding my ...
SamW's user avatar
  • 291
20 votes
5 answers
11k views

How to politely communicate to your manager that what they did upset you and ask that it doesn't happen again?

Related How to communicate to someone at work that they are overstepping boundaries. This happened recently to a girlfriend, Mary, at work. Mary works as a cashier for a large department store that ...
Tycho's Nose's user avatar
  • 7,496
20 votes
5 answers
4k views

How to convey who will be asked to join my wife and me in the delivery room without causing offense?

My wife and I have just started trying to expand our family. Last night, the topic randomly came up of who should be in the delivery room with us (if we are lucky enough to conceive) as my wife asked ...
Zero's user avatar
  • 311
20 votes
5 answers
7k views

How to politely convey that you don't want to be tagged in irrelevant social media posts?

Some people have the habit of mass-tagging people on irrelevant posts. Mostly they don't have bad intentions but it's really noisy and I would like it stopped. How to tell these people not to tag me ...
Ankit Sharma's user avatar
  • 2,276
19 votes
6 answers
7k views

Dealing with a wait-and-see situation when you have a time constraint

Short Version: I have a budding friendship with a coworker, but recently said something incredibly stupid that has left them feeling justifiably hurt. While I think it would be best to give them ...
fool_of_all_fools's user avatar
19 votes
2 answers
1k views

How do you show concern or kindness to a stranger without being intrusive?

I was on the train and a young woman, who was a stranger to me, was sitting in the seat across the aisle from me. She was clearly in distress, and periodically would begin to cry. In such a case how ...
r m's user avatar
  • 4,346